The Song of His Beloved

or·ches·trate

2011-11-20T20:37:00.001-08:00

or·ches·trate [awr-kuh-streyt] verb

1. to compose or arrange.

2. to arrange, especially by means of clever or thorough planning or maneuvering.

I went to an orchestral concert last night. I enjoyed everything about the concert. It sounded amazing (especially to my untrained ears!), I had a few giggles over silly things with friends, and I was even able to relax and let the stress of the day pour off my shoulders.

Going into the evening, I knew I was tired. I had had one of those days that ended with the reminder that I always need more of the Lord and less of the world. So, I closed my eyes during the first number and asked the Lord to meet me there. I didn’t know what I was expecting, really, except that I know the God that I follow is a relational God and He will always meet us where we are and with so much more grace than we deserve.

I opened my eyes and enjoyed the concert all the way through the intermission…then as we sat down to listen to the next number (act? song? performance? not sure…), my mind began down a thought process that brought me to these beautiful reminders:

1. As part of the Lord’s orchestration in our lives, it is our *simple* duty to be obedient to the sheet music placed before us so those hearing the notes of our lives will be in awe of the Composer of the music we play.

I watched the beauty of the strings moving in unison across the stage. I saw the percussionist keep rhythm in the back. I felt the music within my very being as it overwhelmed the room and couldn’t help but stare at the beauty before me. I couldn’t help but be in awe of the composer who wrote this beautiful music and wonder if anyone else saw past the beautiful instruments and people on stage and were thankful for a man who may have lived hundreds of years ago for creating this stunning masterpiece.

2. As part of the Lord’s orchestra, we are to take our cues from the Composer before us. Read His movements, know what He wants us to do at any given time, study under Him and trust that He will lead us through the numbers with ease.

As I looked on, the conductor stood in the middle of the stage with ease and moved his arms in motions that these musicians understood. To myself, an unversed onlooker, they were just pretty movements that looked like hand-dances. To those playing on stage, they were the cadence of the piece before them and the reason they were able to sound so beautifully in step together.

They were obedient to the conductor before them. They had someone to look at, to follow, to watch…and they obeyed. They not only obeyed, but they proved during this performance, that they studied under this man and were able to do what he wanted them to do.

3. As a member of the Lord’s orchestra, we are performers not meant to take glory for ourselves but to point to the glory of the One who’s orchestra we are in.

Each musician on that stage wore black. Each person had an instrument that joined together to create beautiful sound. Each one of these people stood and offered respect to the conductor when he can on and off the stage and each one played with he was called to play and stayed silent and motionless when they had to. They weren’t up there as a soloist. None of them had their name highlighted in the fliers.

And, while each performer last night should have been given a spotlight because of the beautiful work they did, I was reminded that when I am a player in the Lord’s orchestra, I should never desire that spotlight.

Or, even though the conductor doesn’t technically have an instrument in his hand, I am reminded that without Jesus and His teachings and guidance in my life, I would be lost and the noise that comes from every action I take and every word that comes from my mouth would be as white noise if it weren’t for the Lord’s guidance showing me when to act, when to move, when to speak…when to play.

While the composer of the music from the concert is probably long dead and not given enough appreciation for the brilliance of his work, I think of those times that the Lord is not given enough credit for the work He does in my life and how He should receive all glory for the composition of His notes that create a beautiful symphony of grace, love, and mercy every day I live on this earth.

My performance, with the instruments He gives me to learn and under the teachings He has me study and the practice He asks of me, should only…ever…always…bring honor to Him.

“Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” Eph 3:20-21

“for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.” - Phl 2:13 NKJV

Thanksgiving Day outreach–beanie update

2011-11-06T21:59:00.001-08:00

I emailed this out to some friends about a week ago and decided to share it on my blog as well.

Hi Friends,

Some of you may have already heard about a ministry opportunity the Lord has put on my heart. For those of you who haven't...the summation of the idea is that I am planning a trip to San Francisco on Thanksgiving Day to hand out beanies and Gospels of John to homeless people (you can read details about it here). A few months back I put a call out to see if anyone would want to come alongside this endeavor and help make beanies. The Lord has gifted us with all kinds of abilities and for those of us who can crochet and knit, this was a beautiful opportunity. I've definitely had a response and, although I don't know how many beanies I have yet, I know the Lord has multiplied what I could have made...and then some!

Well, with Thanksgiving just around the corner (just weeks away), I wanted to ask each of you to pray about whether or not the Lord would want you to be a part of the actual outreach. The more i've prayed about it, the more i realize that this can't be something I do on my own. There are many reasons I feel very strongly about this: 1. I am a single girl and it would be foolish of me to put myself in such a vulnerable position by going alone. 2. In Luke 10, when the Lord sent out his disciples into His harvest, they didn't go alone. 3. I don't want to rob anyone of the blessing of serving the Lord simply by not asking.

If it is His plan to have this outreach happen on Thanksgiving, I trust that He will also provide the right people to join together for His glory. If He has other plans for these beanies, I trust He will show me that plan in His timing. Regardless, I will rejoice in Him and in His perfect plan for my life and for those He already knows will be getting these gifts.

If the Lord is leading you to be a part of this trip, i'd love to hear from you (erikamarie82@gmail.com). This email is only to a few people, but I know the list of willing servants is exhaustive! If you know of anyone who would like to be a part of this trip (or would like to be a prayer partner for this trip) please send on this email or refer them to me.

I thank you all in advance...first, for reading my email! and, second, for prayers regarding this ministry opportunity!

Then He said to them, "The harvest truly is great, but the laborers are few; therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest. - Luke 10:2 NKJV

On keeping calm…

2011-10-30T21:30:00.001-07:00

I KNOW you’ve all seen the posters…

They have definitely made their presence known around the internet, on t-shirts, and in every other form of communication out there, including parodies. Here are a few other…”versions”…

Well…the other day, I found my favorite one. I wrote “keep calm and…” on my bathroom mirror and the next morning, I walked into the bathroom fully expecting a funny rhetoric in response. My roommate, however, surprised and blessed me with her answer:

Keep calm and carry on. Take a deep breath and step forward. It’ll all be over soon, just wait it out. It sounds so simple and reassuring, right? But that would also involve stepping forward in your own faith and hope for the best.

But with the Lord, we can trust that He WILL protect us, take care of us, and direct us through our next steps. So, remember…keep calm and TRUST in the LORD. He will carry you on.

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." - Mat 11:28-30 NKJV

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and depart from evil. - Pro 3:5-7 NKJV

One year ago…

2011-10-05T23:19:00.001-07:00

One year ago, I couldn’t find words to describe so much of what I saw.
One year ago, there wasn’t enough time.
One year ago, He was in the midst of teaching me trust.
One year ago, I was still suffering jet lag.

One year ago, He gave me the courage to overcome gripping fear.
One year ago, He gave me the words to give others courage.
One year ago, I traveled thousands of miles away only to meet family on the other side.
One year ago, I was blessed to add a myriad of names to my weekly prayer list.

One year ago, I was sad to leave my memories in the past and face a new day.
One year ago, I turned a page from one journey to another.
One year ago, I wore yellow dollies and stepped into a new path.

Because, exactly one year ago, I stepped forward from my journey and adventure into an unknown “after-the-happily-ever-after” chapter.

And, exactly one year later, I don’t believe that chapter is closed.

He is still teaching me so much from my time in Scotland. He is still growing me and stretching me in ways I never would have been able to comprehend without my time with Him.
My prayers for those brothers and sisters connected to Scotland are still heavy on my mind and in my heart. My thoughts and dreams of going back and being used by Him there still weigh into every decision I make here.

And in one year from now, who knows what story I will be writing? Who knows where I will be, how I have grown, and who I have become?

“O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.”
Psalm 139:1-3

Beanies for the least of these…update

2011-09-25T19:13:00.001-07:00

It started out as a small dream and a humble offering of a meager 10 beanies from my hands. It has become a beautiful incense of worship to the Lord from many hands, many hours, and many joyful hearts combining to praise our Lord through the act of service.

Friends, I am so humbled and so blessed by the outpouring of love for this project. Already, I am blown away by the support. Off the top of my head, I can count at least 8 different people who have committed to help make this a reality.

As the Lord has gifted me with administrative qualities, I want to take some time to write out for you the “logistics” of this beautiful ministry endeavor.

1. I have committed to making ten beanies. Others have committed to making “as many as I can” or a certain number. Should you be wondering how many you "*have* to commit to: don’t wonder! Only do what the Lord is calling you to do and consider it worship as you do it! Making this a task would take our eyes off of the Lord and place them on ourselves. This is NOT something we want to have happen!

2. In order to keep heads and tails on the progress, I am asking anyone who would like to participate to just bring me their beanies by November 15th. There’s no need to keep me updated—although, I would love to know that you’re choosing to help, too, so I can be praying for you during this next month and a half!

3. I have looked into making tags for the beanies (ones I can sew on the inside with a short scripture and reminder of Jesus’ love). Unfortunately, the more I look into it, the more I realize how unrealistic it is. The cheapest I have found is a little over $1 for each. That would end up being $100 or more in the end and…well, as I said before. I don’t have an abundance of money; I have an abundance of yarn. =) As a second option, I am looking into printing some small business card sized papers to give with each beanie and a Gospel of John.

4. I have been seeking the Lord on the right time to go up to San Francisco to hand out these beanies. I keep going back to doing it on Thanksgiving Day but, because of some insight from others who have done this sort of outreach, I am considering another weekend as well. If handing them out is something you are interested in, please let me know. I would love company no matter what day I head up there. =)

5. The question has been asked: why San Francisco and not your local community? I wish I had a really good answer for you. Simply put, it’s what I felt the Lord calling me to do. I am not at all against a local outreach of this same sort. It may come to that depending on what the Lord shows me. For now, I am still leaning towards San Francisco. It’s not a matter of WHERE so much as it’s a matter of WHAT and WHO: what are we doing? What is the purpose? Who are we doing it for? Who is receiving the glory?

Again, I am so blessed by each of YOUR hearts for this ministry. Continue to spread the word, should the Lord so lead you.

In Him alone,
Erika

never forget

2011-09-04T23:34:00.001-07:00

“Daniel answered
and said:
"Blessed be the name of God
forever and ever,
For wisdom and might are His.
And He changes the times and the seasons;
He removes kings
and raises up kings;
He gives wisdom to the wise
And knowledge to those who have understanding.
He reveals deep and secret things;
He knows what is in the darkness,
And light dwells with Him.
I thank You and praise You,
O God of my fathers;
You have given me wisdom and might,
And have now made known to me
what we asked of You,
For You have made known to us the king's demand."
Daniel 2:20-23

Never forget to praise the Lord for answered prayers. Never forget to thank Him for clarifying confusion. Never forget that truth, revelation, and peace come from God alone.

Never forget that without the Lord, we are confused, unwise, weak and in the dark.

With the Lord, however, all that changes. With the Lord, He gives us wisdom, might, knowledge.

With the Lord comes peace.

Clothing the least of these…with beanies.

2011-08-29T22:10:00.001-07:00

“…for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.” Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?' And the King will answer and say to them, 'Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.' Matthew 25:35-40

I’m going to put this out there. I’m going to ask for your consideration. I’m also going to be getting on my knees beside some of you and seeking the Lord on this.

When I think of the verses above…and consider the small and insignificant person that I am in comparison to the world around me, I am often overwhelmed at the thought of action. The idea of how much hurt, pain, hunger, and sickness in the world paralyzes me.

It should move me.

But I sit here and go through the faces I see on my way to work. I think about those that I have come into contact with as I walk the streets of Downtown SLO. I wonder at the stories of those asking for money outside the grocery stores. And I once again am overwhelmed – “surely, Lord,” I implore, “there must me something I can do to reach these people with Your love! I don’t have money, I don’t have a place to invite them in to warm themselves…and yet, my heart reaches out to them. What skill set have you given me that I can use to bring your Gospel to them?”

And, as I sat, waited, and listened to the Lord, I knew what that more was.

I am asking you to consider being a part of it – by making beanies.

(image found here)

There are an estimated 7,000-10,000 homeless people in San Francisco. My dream…vision…prayer…is that we can, together, make enough beanies this Autumn to be able to warm the heads of many of these people come Winter. I don’t want to put a limit on the Lord. He could definitely and supernaturally allow for us to make 10,000 beanies…I wouldn’t complain!

My personal goal is to make ten beanies out of the yarn I already have at home.

And then, on (or around) Thanksgiving, I want to drive up to the City and share the Lord’s love with these people. Each beanie that is made will have a tag sewn on the inside of it that points to the Gospel. Each beanie will have, wrapped up in it, a Gospel of John for them to keep.

Each beanie will be prayed over as it is being made, in hopes that the person who will ultimately get it will know how much he or she is loved by our Lord.

Will you consider being a part of this?

Will you pray about making a commitment to make some beanies?

Email me at erikamarie82@gmail.com or leave a comment below. Let’s see what the Lord can do through us – small, insignificant, people – and glorify Him in the process!

trials

2011-08-25T18:43:00.001-07:00

“We don’t get over trials, we go through them.” –unknown pastor.

I wish I could remember who first said this. It was in the “June with Jesus” series on the Reality Carp website, but that’s as much as I remember.

As I think about this this fact, I realize the implications that come with it. Trials are things that will shape who we are. They will become part of what we will become, be a part of who we will be, and change us in ways that we never could have imagined. (Photo found Source: ideastage.com via Emily on Pinterest" target=_blank>here.)

Think of a wound.

Most (sane) people, wouldn’t self inflict something like a gaping gash on their leg just for kicks. It’s more likely that it happened unexpectedly. Then, there are the necessary reactions to the event. After the initial pain, tears (if you’re me), and full realization of the even comes the cleaning, patching, and bandaging.

Before antibiotics, wounds had to be cauterized to prevent infection. This involves (to the best of my knowledge) the action of burning the wound to prevent any infections. Obviously, this antiquated process isn’t used as it once was… but even nowadays If a wound is deep enough, stitches will need to be used. (once, my sister hurt herself so badly they had to do a layer of internal stitches before the external layer).

Any way the wound is dealt with, it’s going to hurt. Even with the smallest of scratches: you pour peroxide or alcohol on it and your breath is pulled in as you try to push past the pain.

It’s the times that the treatment hurts more than the original pain. It’s the realization that what you’re doing is actually going to help relieve the pain, but the process of relief starts with hurt. It takes suffering through the pain of cauterizing in order to move past the pain of the original wound.

But, the pain of the process is to relieve any persistent or long term pain.

An untended wound could lead to infections that can spread to the entire body. Even infections that can spread to others. It could lead to persistent pain, amputation, even death.

Just like trials.

See, the Lord doesn’t just allow us to suffer through trials just for the sake of suffering through a trial. But, He does allow them. And, it’s the cleaning of the wound and tending to bandages of each trial that tends to be the most painful.

It’s learning the personal ugliness that comes to the surface and having to deal with it.

It’s the possibility of losing someone you love, having to walk away from a friendship, or saying no to something you want to say yes to.

It’s the realization that, at the time, it wasn’t a fun process. But now, on the other side of it…once the healing has taken place, you can look at the bruise and realize that the pain from the process was worth not having to deal with a festering unhealed wound now.

It’s the relief of knowing that spiritual amputation hurts more than physical and that death can be defeated through faith in Jesus Christ.

It’s thanking the Lord, through it all, for knowing that He is in charge, that He knows the outcome, that He’s been the Doctor on many more cases than just this one.

it’s saying “I trust you, Father. I’ll accept the cauterizing, bandaging, and peroxide. I don’t know how much it will hurt.

But you do.

practicing the “one anothers"

2011-08-15T22:01:00.001-07:00

Rom 12:10 NKJV - [Be] kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another Rom 12:16 NKJV - Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. Rom 13:8 NKJV - Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. Rom 15:5 NKJV - Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus, Rom 15:7 NKJV - Therefore receive one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God. Gal 6:2 NKJV - Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Eph 4:2 NKJV - with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, Eph 4:32 NKJV - And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Eph 5:19 NKJV - speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, Eph 5:21 NKJV - submitting to one another in the fear of God. 1Th 4:18 NKJV - Therefore comfort one another with these words. 1Th 5:11 NKJV - Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing. Hbr 3:13 NKJV - but exhort one another daily, while it is called "Today," lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. Jam 5:16 NKJV - Confess [your] trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. 1Pe 3:8 NKJV - Finally, all [of you be] of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, [be] tenderhearted, [be] courteous; 1Pe 4:8 NKJV - And above all things have fervent love for one another, for "love will cover a multitude of sins." 1Pe 4:9 NKJV - [Be] hospitable to one another without grumbling.

I heard a message today on my way from work. Admittedly I didn’t engage in listening intently, but I was blessed by the parts I heard. One of those specific parts stuck out to me: practicing the “one anothers” from Scripture.

We are made to be in fellowship. We are made for interaction. Genesis 2:18 says “And the LORD God said, "[It is] not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." We were made to be WITH one another. If us being alone is “not good,” as scripture says, then when we are with one another, it is a good thing.

Looking further into the Genesis account, we read that God made us in His image. This would lead me to suggest that, when we are with one another, we are with a reflection of HIs image…or, at least, we should be.

The exhortation still stands: when we seclude, disengage, retreat, or back out from fellowship, we lose.

We lose the ability to view true humility (Romans 12:16)
We lose the chance to share love (Romans13:8)
We lose out on how to relate to those around us (Romans 15:5)
We lose the blessing of helping someone out in need (Galatians 6:2)
We lose the harmony in singing mutual praise to the Lord (Ephesians 5:19)
We lose submission (Ephesians 5:21)
We lose comfort (1 Thessalonians 4:18, 5:11)
We lose confession, prayer, and healing (James 5:16)
We lose compassion (1 Peter 3:8)

Ultimately, we lose knowing more about our Lord and Savior. We lose learning more of who He is and the many beautiful facets of Him that we can’t see in ourselves.

Oh, but when we respond to His desire for us to be with one another, think of all the beautiful things we will gain….

Today, I am practicing the one anothers of the scriptures in the expectation of catching a glimpse…a part…a facet…of our Lord in another person…and praying that they would see Him in me as well.

Will you join me?

21 days

2011-07-31T23:03:00.001-07:00

a very trustworthy friend told me that it takes 21 straight days to make an action a habit. I can’t exactly tell you if the fact is true (I didn’t google it…but, I can tell you that I think she’s way smarter than google…so I trust her!) but I could tell you what went through my head…

21 days of quiet times
21 days of eating better
21 days of cleaning my room
21 days of making my bed
21 days of sharing the Gospel with someone
21 days of exercising
21 days of showing one person God’s love in a tangible way

even if that isn’t true, it’s still quite motivating. 21 days is only three weeks. that’s less than a month. If the habit is something as silly as making a bed, that takes, what? 3 minutes on a bad day? That’s only 63 minutes that it would take for me to form a habit. instead of the 63 minutes it took me to do other things like…

63 minutes to watch a TV show
63 minutes of sleeping through my alarm
63 minutes of walking through clothing shops
63 minutes decorating my room
63 minutes driving to the movies
63 minutes primping and pampering
63 minutes (plus lots) checking facebook

my actions are ready to speak louder than my words without any prodding from me. and they are shameful, at best. and I am reminded that in the Bible, it tells me that my body and my life are meant to be a sweet smelling offering to the Lord.

is that what I am?

or, do I just look before me and desire to be that sweet smelling aroma as I sit and enjoy idleness?

I’ll tell you in 21 days…

Sunday School Lesson #1

2011-05-29T17:33:00.001-07:00

“Then Peter said, “Silver and gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you: in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk.” Acts 3:6

Peter and John couldn’t give this man money. They couldn’t give this man the thing he desperately asked for every day of his life. They walked past him on their way to worship the Lord. He, lame and unattended, sat in plain sight asking for help, asking for the one thing he knew he could try to acquire from those around him: money. They, freed and receiving of mercy, had the One Thing he didn’t even know he needed.

Was he ever told that there was more he could ask for? Did he ever dream of a day when he would be able to walk again…a day when he wasn’t given the title of “lame” but instead was one of those fortunate ones who could walk to the temple to worship the Lord?

Day in and day out, he begged and he sat. He couldn’t go anywhere: not because He didn’t WANT to go somewhere, but because he couldn’t. His life existed within a literal arm’s reach of where he sat and was only changeable upon another’s means.

They, Peter and John came by and changed all of that. They looked at him and saw the soul beneath the filth. They saw the healable pain and longing beneath the lame and unattended physical body. They knew that what he needed was love. It was peace and grace.

What he asked for was money. What he begged for was something to satiate the desire and longing for a greater life. What they saw was that he needed healing. What they gave him was a new life.

Sometimes I’d like to think that I am Peter. That I can be the bearer of good news to the poor, the lame, the needy. Sometimes, I see someone who is so spiritually lame that they don’t realize that the miracle is just under the surface. They are content with being lame. They are happy with their arm’s reach, dependant upon another, self-absorbed life: asking for love and help from expendable and monetary resources. Sometimes, I see past the exterior of what they say they want; and I share with them what they need: a dependency and a freedom in Jesus.

Then, there are the times that I am like the lame man. Sitting in my own filth and using my lameness to gain something from those around me. Unwilling to ask for help and unwilling to see the miraculous freedom right in front of my face. Then, there are the times that the Peters and the Johns in my life walk along my path and share with me what they have: the one thing I need and am not asking for…

Jesus. Jesus’ love; Jesus’ grace; Jesus’ mercy. I need it every day. I desire it less frequently than I truly need it. I long for it in measurable quantities when it should be innumerous.

And I am so thankful for the Johns and the Peters in my life: because without them I would know less of His love.

A moment of serious…

2011-05-21T14:18:00.001-07:00

Two days ago, I was asked “so what are you going to do on your last days here on earth?” My response, in a comical and sarcastic tone was filled with shallow, mocking remarks.

Yesterday, as I scrolled through my Facebook updates and spoke with different friends, I noticed words spoken as eyes rolled and chuckles released amidst response and jokes.

I laughed, too.

The reality of the situation is that these people are being deceived. They are being led to believe an un-biblical “truth” by someone who, biblically speaking, should be assumed false.

1Jo 4:1 NKJV - Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world.

2Pe 2:1-2 NKJV - But there were also false prophets among the people, even as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Lord who bought them, [and] bring on themselves swift destruction. And many will follow their destructive ways, because of whom the way of truth will be blasphemed.

in a moment of serious, poking fun and mocking those who are deceived is un-biblical. Praying for and lovingly correcting them in the truth is what we are called to do. Ephesians 4:11-16 tells us that we are

to be a part of equipping the saints. We are to speak the truth in love. It tells us that, regardless of our own insecure feelings, we are all a part of the same Body of Christ if we recognize Him as our personal Lord and Savior. If you personally believe that His death on the cross and His resurrection 3 days later conquered sin and was the payment for your sin, then this includes you, too.

Admittedly, I am of those who are also humbled by the exhortation. I can’t laugh anymore, knowing that there are many deceived people out there.

Yes, the Lord could return any time. Yes, He could return today. I don’t know, nor will I attempt to know the time and day of that return.

Mat 24:35-36, 42-44 NKJV - "Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will by no means pass away. But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, but My Father only….Watch therefore, for you do not know what hour your Lord is coming. But know this, that if the master of the house had known what hour the thief would come, he would have watched and not allowed his house to be broken into. Therefore you also be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.”

Free Falling

2011-05-18T21:00:00.001-07:00

She is 10 feet in the air. Her foot is set firmly in another’s hand, his body floating precariously above ground by the strength of another’s legs below him. She flies through the air, with a smile on her face. Spinning as a torpedo, destined for a target. Arms reach out and cradle her fall, only to launch her back into the unknown air above their heads.

She still has a smile on her face. Others scurry to reach the contact spot and she is once again rescued from the unknown above her and placed onto a well known medium: ground.

Some call this beautiful—it’s an art and a show of strength. It’s a display of “I dare you” and “look what I can do.” It’s an awe-shocking act of death defying displays meant to drop your mouth open and sigh in wonder at what these people are willing to do.

It’s trust.

With trust, there can be no fear. With trust, there is no limit to what can be accomplished. With trust, you can be launched forward into the unknown. With trust, there is no worry about whether or not you will be caught, just a delight when your feet hit the ground again.

Without trust, there is no launch. Without trust, there is a limit to what can be imagined. Without trust, there is fear and worry and angst and unknown.

It’s faith.

With faith, steps don’t have to be seen, just obeyed. With faith, hands don’t have to be inspected, just grasped. With faith, every moment counts. Every movement is graceful, every display covered in fellowship.

Without faith, a step will never happen. Without faith, one will look but not touch. Without faith, every moment is a lost one. Every movement in the wrong direction, filled with guilt and pain.

This last weekend, I knocked something off my bucket list. I went and saw Quidam, a mind blowing artistic masterpiece that left me speechless—but certainly not thoughtless. The faith and trust that these performers had left me shamed at the lack of faith and trust in my own life. The challenging moments in the performance of having to (quite literally) place their life in another’s arms left me wondering where along the spectrum of trust I fell.

I realized that life, although desired to be neat and tidy, with a list of checked or unchecked items to keep us on task, is never without its moments of faith. Life, as compartmentalized and self-reliant as we wish it, will never be without it’s steps of trust.

And, as I crossed that “one more thing” off my bucket list, I wondered when my next leap would be. Because, although I may not know where I will land, I know Who will catch me…He always does.

Be blessed.

…a time to keep silent…

2011-05-08T18:01:00.001-07:00

and a time to speak.” Ecclesiastes 3:7

I grapple daily with speaking up too much and staying silent. I wonder if my words spoken were scars, cuts, bandages, or balm. I continually remind myself to be quick to listen and slow to speak and then doubt myself when I hear His Voice telling me to share.

Does this happen to you?

We walk a tight rope of fears, doubts, wonderment, and dreams. We hold tightly to those things we know we shouldn’t do and those things that we ought to do. We lean toward the breeze of doubt on one side of the rope and into the abyss of boldness and faith on the other. We walk across holding tightly to the One who will never let us fall.

And within this act, we are reminded that there is no one answer. Sometimes, to stay balanced, we are to share, exhort, encourage…speak. Often times we ourselves are exhorted to pray, listen, comfort…keep silent. Both are necessary in order to stay on the rope.

There is a time for every purpose under heaven. We, ever purposeful creation, are given times to speak and times to remain silent.

Heavenly Father, thank you for hedging us before and behind. Thank you for protecting us and giving us words to say when we need them and the wisdom to remain quiet when You desire it. May we open our ears to hear Your Voice, to know Your will, to be a part of Your majestic plan here on earth as it is in heaven. Amen.

Trims

2011-04-14T23:04:00.001-07:00

Have you ever cut your own hair before? Not just a few dead ends or a small fix to your already-styled haircut. But actually taking a pair of scissors and cutting inches off your strands to obtain a completely new, fresh,and lighter look.

Have you ever taken proverbial scissors to life before? Not just the small fixes, but taking scissors to the dead ends and unnecessary length that you’ve allowed to grow in areas of your life that you are recognizing are no longer honoring the Lord.

I stood there in front of my mirror tonight, scissors in hand, and contemplated a strategy plan. Like many other things in my life, this plan had taken months of thought and avoidance. I had originally told my roommate that I wanted to cut my hair back in January and she stared at me, swallowed, and said “ok…good luck!” with hesitation in her eyes.

The “cheering section” for this bold move seemed to be on furlough. But I needed it. My hair was way past it’s due date for a trim and the split-ends, frayed bits, and uneven length were sobbing their story into my mirror every morning.

So were those other parts of my life. The ones that also needed a strategy plan. The split-ends that needed mending, the frayed bits that needed to be cut instead of held onto, the uneven length that just kept getting more noticeable…

And, with my hair, I kept losing the few ounces of bravery I had mustered up and would start back at the “thinking and wondering if I could actually do it” stage. I would even strategize where I would make the first cut and how I would make sure the outcome was good. But I never once touched scissors and never once acted on my impulses.

Weeks went by and I can’t count the times I would tell someone: a co-worker, friend, roommate that I was going to cut my hair.that.day…but to no avail. Those plans of action, strategies, dreams, and wanderlusts continued (even into this evening) warring within me of the reasons I shouldn’t do this and the arguments against them.

It’s going to be ridiculous: who cares, it can be fixed.

I’m going to make an unfixable mistake: that isn’t going to kill you. It will grow back.

I’m too chicken. It’s too difficult. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m going to mess it up. I won’t like the way it looks….the list kept going on.

But, as I said earlier, I was in front of the mirror with my scissors in hand. Sectioning off pieces of hair. pinning parts back. bringing the first section around with a comb, straightening it out, raising my scissor-clad hand towards it…

After attempt four (or twenty), I made the first two-inch cut and knew I couldn’t look back…it was time to cut off the dead ends, fix the frays, trim the edges, and start this new season with a fresh, trimmed, and manageable hair-cut.

And now, after the proverbial fourth (or twentieth) cut from my life—which took months to accomplish—I know that I can’t look back. It was time to leave those dead-ends, frayed pieces, and uneven edges in the past in order to start a new season of my life with a fresh, trimmed, and ready-for-His-plan attitude.

hello.

2011-04-10T22:47:00.001-07:00

it’s been a while.

and as sweet as a beautifully arranged “come back” blog would be, I simply don’t have one.

but, I am coming back.

I waited so long for the “right moment” to begin sharing again on this blog. I would try to arrange pieces of information in a format that was worthy of being shared, even. But, in the end, I was always dissatisfied and opted out of posting yet.another.blog.

but today – and for the last few weeks – I am realizing that writing a perfect entry isn’t what was holding up the show.

it was me. my selfishness. my pride. my ache to show you (14 people out there) just how good I am and just how perfect of a Christian I am.

and, well…that’s just not me.

because Jesus already has that position. He, in His perfection, came and covered my imperfection. He, in His inhuman love, came and loved this human mess.

And I am reminded that that is the reason He asked me to start this blog in the first place: to shine His glory and darken any praise that may come my way.

"You are worthy, O Lord,

To receive glory and honor and power;

For You created all things,

And by Your will they exist

and were created.”

Revelation 4:11

Come, awake!

2011-01-22T10:32:00.001-08:00

There is a song by David Crowder that the Lord brings to my mind at those times when my soul most needs to hear it.

It’s those times when I don’t realize that I am becoming drowsy.

Those times when I have grown weary.

It’s those times when the eyelids of my life are weighing heavy and I haven’t yet realized that there was once a better view,

…a greater perspective,

…a wider outlook.

Night is weighing heavy now

Be quiet and wait for the voice that will say

Come awake, from sleep, arise

You were dead, become alive…

In truth, this songs lyrics point to that crucial step of not knowing the Lord as your personal Savior to knowing His Salvation in a personal way.

In truth, this song has nothing to do with pulling the fog from your life and stepping out of it.

In truth, isn’t a humble reminder of what our Lord has done for us a lot like pulling the fog from your life and stepping out of it?

May the Lord de-fog your spiritual windshield today so that you can clearly see the beautiful things He is doing in your life.

Unobstructed view. (you can hear and see a pretty awesome version of this song here.

Tangled

2010-11-28T23:50:00.001-08:00

Yes, this post will involve a shout out to a (very well made and funny) Disney movie: Tangled. Because, you see, I saw it this weekend.

Twice. (it was good, kay?)

But something kept me smiling that really had nothing to do with the movie. Because, you see, as I sat there watching the two characters fall in love in the course of 1.5 hours and actually realize that they were, in fact “MFEO” (made for each other) while singing a song that they both happen to know (and be totally perfect for the moment) together (yes, much of that sencence was sarcasm…), I sat and listened to the lyrics of said “love song”:

And at last I see the light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different
Now that I see you

And it truly actually broke my heart…because, what was wanting to burst out of me was this:

And at last I see the Light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the Light
And it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different
Now that I see You

I smiled because all I kept hearing in my head was me singing this…to the One who has wooed me and rejoiced over me and called me His beloved. And it truly broke my heart to think that this song was written by someone who saw that the truest form of love was between a man and a woman. And it was being heard by many people who would hear that and wish that they, too, would be able to feel that same feeling towards another and have a “magical” moment much like dear Rapunzel and Flinn.

And my heart soared because I knew that I had already experienced that love. My eyes shone when I heard those lyrics because I knew exactly what she was singing about.

And my heart hurt for those who have never been told of the Father’s love for us. And my countenance fell when I thought of those who felt alone or unable to feel that love because they hadn’t found “the one." And my eyes drooped when I knew that I was not exempt from sharing that Love with others.

“For "whoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved." How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher? And how shall they preach unless they are sent? As it is written: "How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the gospel of peace, Who bring glad tidings of good things!" Romans 10:13-15

If you have never heard it before, Jesus loves you. He loves you more that the movies can portray and will love you beyond this life. We, having sinned in these lives of ours, were separated from Him, who is Light, because darkness cannot commune with light. But He made a way for us to once again be brought to Him. He came down to this world and lived a sinless life. He died a sinners death. He rose again and conquered death on the third day, therefore taking our place and giving us a way to be at peace with Him.

The bible says that we are to confess with our mouths that Jesus is Lord and believe in our hearts that He was raised from the dead and we will be saved (Romans 10:9-10). Confess to the Lord that you are a sinner, ask Him to be your Lord and Savior. Accept His free gift and sing along to Him as you recognize that He is the truest Light you will ever see…

Nothing

2010-11-27T21:18:00.001-08:00

Before writing posts each day, I stop and ask myself “how has the Lord shown me His love today?” Many days, specific things come to mind. Many times it has to do with the people He has brought into my life, with an unexpected blessing of the day, with a lesson taught or a lesson learned…He is always blatantly showing me His love.

But, what about those days when I am mostly just me-focused and striving to get through the day? What about those days when it’s all I can do to not think about hitting the pillow at the end of the day, forgetting my quiet time? Or, the days where all my focus goes into filling hours or minutes up with unnecessary movies, TV, music, or reading?

Yea…yesterday was kind of like that. I stopped at the end of the day and realized just how self-focused and non-God-centered I really was. I worked all day—but was I doing it for the Lord? I even dressed up in order to instill some “holiday cheer” into our day-after-Christmas work environment—but did I do that to honor the Lord? I made two batches of cookies last night—but was it to please man or God? I had a smile on my face, a skip in my step, and a joke on my tongue all day—but again, I ask: did I smile because I knew the Lord? Did I skip knowing how much He loved me? Was my attitude one of jovial bliss because He showed Himself to me?

Or, was I smiling because it is expected? Did I skip to bring focus to myself? Did I cook and clean and wear a silly outfit to please those around me? Was I working out of obligation? Did I maintain a good attitude merely to be a good example?

When my day is me-centered first, others-centered second, and Christ-centered third it is an awful lot harder for His love to ring out loud, true, and clear.

Which is why you didn’t get a post yesterday.

A work in progress.

2010-11-25T11:11:00.001-08:00

“The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O LORD, endures forever; do not forsake the works of your hands.” Psalm 138:8

Can you say this with conviction? With known promise?

Do you believe that you are a perfect work in progress?

Purposeful

2010-11-23T22:43:00.001-08:00

What if we lived our lives with a purpose? One single purpose:

“He has shown you, Oh man, what is good and what does the Lord require of you? But to do justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly in His ways.” Micah 6:8

“And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart…” Mark 12:30

When you wake up in the morning, what are you purposing to do?

When you are driving to work, what purpose do you have in your car?

When you are talking with friends, eating lunch, going to church, taking a walk…to what purpose?

The greek word purpose that we see in this verse as well as a variation of it in this verse is defined as

1) to place before, to set forth

a) to set forth to be looked at, expose to view

b) to expose to public view

2) to set before one's self, propose to one's self

a) to purpose, determine

In all you do, in all you say today, what are you setting forth to be looked at? What are you exposing to view publicly in your actions?

Do your actions scream “I am a child of the living God”? Or do they say “me, me, me”?

Do you live your life with His purpose, setting the Lord before yourself or somewhere between you and your other priorities?

What if we chose to live that purposeful life? What if we saw our actions, thoughts, relationships, even jobs as a way to set the LORD forth to be looked at? What if we used every opportunity to expose HIM into full public view? How would that look in your life?

I know for me, this means being less neutral in my actions and more purposeful in what I am choosing to spend my time doing.

And again I ask, how would that look in your life? I would love to know how to pray for you.

What child, you say?

2010-11-21T22:20:00.001-08:00

Christmas time is (almost) upon us.

One thing I am thankful for is the way this time of year gives us every reason to bring our conversations, thoughts, and hearts back to our Savior.

“O come, o come Emmanuel and ransom captive Israel.” The Lord Jesus came to ransom (save) Israel (His beloved) from their captivity (sin).

“Away in a manger, no crib for a bed…” He was born more lowly than us in order to be servant of all.

“Oh, star of wonder…guide us to thy perfect Light.” Even the heavens spoke of His coming. His perfect light that shines outward and pierces the darkness in each of our hearts can be heard even with our eyes.

“What child is this who lay to rest in Mary’s arms while sleeping?” It is Christ…our King. The one who came to this earth, led a perfect life, died on the cross a death that He didn’t deserve but one that every sinner does.

We are that sinner. We are the ones who deserve death for the things we have done. We are the ones who cannot live a perfect life and, therefore, cannot live in communion with a perfect God.

He is that Savior. He is Christ the King. He is the payment for our sin that we may be found perfect in God’s eyes. He is the one that was to come to this earth to bring to us a way to heaven.

“…and a little child shall lead them.” Isaiah 11:6

He loves me enough to give me a time each year where many songs, many traditions, many events have the opportunity to be about Him.

He loves me enough that He reminds me, year after year, what it took to love me.

What child is it, you ask and sing? Only the most important one you will ever know.

Bring forth and bud!

2010-11-20T22:22:00.001-08:00

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," says the LORD. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, And do not return there, But water the earth, And make it bring forth and bud, That it may give seed to the sower And bread to the eater, so shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.” Isaiah 55:8-11

I am always reminded of this verse when the rain comes down so hard it drowns out any other sounds around me. Or, also, in those times that you take one miniscule step outside and you are dripping wet for the rest of the day.

It’s during those times that I can smile knowing that God is at work, causing the soil to be nourished and the trees and flowers and grains to sprout that they can flourish, bud, and provide food for us.

And, because God loves us, we can look at this verse and be made aware of how, in times of storms that come flooding our lives on occasion, we can smile knowing that God is at work in us…causing us to take root and our soil to be nourished with Him and allowing us to sprout in due time that we may flourish, bud, and serve those around us.

tantrums, tears, etc.

2010-11-20T11:55:00.001-08:00

(friday’s post…whoops)

Acting like a five year old is to metaphorically throw your arms in the air and flail them around, all the while screaming or pouting (you choose) and doing a little stomp dance with your feet. It is an attempt to get your own way, in your own time, and at your own leisure.

It is the epitome of selfishness and pride, thinking you are the only one that matters.

Acting like a five year old as a daughter of God is to then be gently and firmly chided for your actions and coming to the Lord with tears of remorse and sorrow knowing that what you did was wrong. It is finding comfort in His arms and asking His forgiveness.

It is receiving from Him the gifts that He seeks to pour out on us even in those times that we know (without a shadow of a doubt) that we don’t deserve them.

It is the epitome of love and grace, knowing that you are the only one that matters to Him.

What a beautiful God we serve.

Sometimes it requires less…

2010-11-18T22:34:00.001-08:00

Sometimes, the Lord loves me enough that He has to break my legs to get me to remain where I am…in His arms.

Sometimes, He has to remove things from my life because He loves me enough that He doesn’t want those things fighting for my attention.

Sometimes, I don’t like the process and I want to keep walking on my broken legs or looking for those removed items.

Sometimes, it hurts.

---

My friend told me this today: “Erika, He loves you and that’s why. That’s all you need to know. You can struggle or you can surrender. You can hate it or you can enjoy it. Regardless, you’re in a good place right now and He’s not done…”

Thanks, friend, I needed to hear that.

She also told me that being and resting in the Lord is often harder than doing and acting for the Lord.

It requires time, patience, vulnerability, focus. It requires a dying of my natural tendencies to be around people.

It requires me.

And it starts with knowing that He loves me enough to want to spend that time with me.

Just me. And Him.

Wow, what love.

Jacob didn’t deserve it

2010-11-17T23:20:00.000-08:00

Think of it as a Hollywood film ad: (cue suspenseful music)

Two brothers. One birthright.

One the rightful heir, the other an undeserving second choice.

Who wins?

Sometimes, I feel like Esau. I deserved that >insert what I think I deserved here< and it was taken from me. I was the rightful and justifiable recipient of that >amazing thing< and someone else got to enjoy it instead of me.

And then, I remember, I am one of God’s chosen. He knew me before I was born. He rightfully chose me to be His since before time began.

I am Jacob.

Undeserving, selfish, conniving, heal-catching Jacob. I didn’t deserve salvation and He handed it to me, free of (my) charge. I am never justified or rightfully considered a recipient of anything good and beautiful, except that God chose to give me every good and perfect give (James 1:17).

The more I think about it, the more I realize that Jacob, in all his second-hand, fleshly-spirited, deceitful glory…got exactly what God wanted to give him and it had absolutely nothing to do with who he was. If it were about Jacob’s actions, there would have been consequences. If it were about getting what we deserve, Esau would have been the heir to his fathers land.

But it isn’t, is it? It is about God and about His sacrifice. It is about His life laid down for us that we could spend eternity with Him. It is about recognizing that there is nothing we can do in this life to deserve the beautiful birthright that is laid up as treasures in heaven for us.

It is about winning…

…by grace alone.

Temple Toning

2010-11-16T22:51:00.001-08:00

Our body is the temple of the Living God. Don’t believe me? Read 1 Corinthians 3:12-23. Believe that. And so, as that is the case, how are you keeping your temple toned these days?

The human body consists of the physical, the mental, and the spiritual: the body, mind, and soul.

SOUL: Who is first in your life? How are you able to receive God’s love for you…and how are you returning that love to the One who deserves it? Have you given your soul to the One who created it, that you can spend eternity with Him?

MIND: are you daily challenging yourself to know God more? Are you disciplining your mind and your thought life to dwell on Him, meditate on His word, and seek Him more than any other being or thing around you?

and, finally…

BODY: are we, as the temple of the Lord, treating our physical body in such a way that reflects our love for the One who created it? Are you eating right? Are you exercising? Are you aware of and cautious towards those things that may affect your body in an ungodly way?

Today, I am aware that the Lord loves me enough that He created me: body, mind, and soul. His love for me is reflected in the way He spent time creating me (Psalm 139:13-18) and I want to be able to praise and worship Him with every inch of my being and that includes every aspect of my body.

Lord, thank you for making me who I am. Give me strength and pour your grace out on me as I strive to honor you with this temple you have given me. Amen

flexibility is my friend.

2010-11-15T23:10:00.001-08:00

Those in my life know that I can be a pretty stubborn person.

They also know that I don’t do well with sudden change…that I am not in control of.

But when it comes to those around me in need of some quality fellowship…I hope I am known as the friend that will drop everything to be there.

And I would, once again, like to welcome flexibility to be a part of my life…one of my inner circle friends…and to always keep me bending so that I will not break.

Because it is in those moments of being flexible that I am out of control of the situation…and HE is in complete control. Those are the times I am at my best: where I have decreased that He may increase.

Dear Father, become more and more. I ask You to make me less and less. Mold me, bend me, break me…to be more like you: flexible. Amen.

The fruit of the Spirit.

2010-11-15T23:02:00.001-08:00

It is not contrived and it is not forced. It comes from abiding. From dwelling and waiting. A tree doesn’t fall asleep one night and the next morning there is a fresh, new, and ready to eat apple hanging on its branches.

Fruit takes time to be nurtured, to grow, to survive storms and heat. Fruit eventually reaches that moment of fruition where it is in full bloom and ready to be shared.

And that comes from abiding.

Dwelling.

Being.

Today in church, we were in Galatians 5 and the Lord was pounding home the emphasis that I am to abide in Him and He will take care of the rest.

In the middle of that, I looked down at my bracelet. On it is a little birdie sitting on a branch and underneath it says “…dwell”. I bought it and had it made as a reminder for me to “dwell in His land and feed on His faithfulness” as Psalm 37:3-7 speaks of.

And again, I was reminded of how not only does the Lord ask us to sit, wait, dwell…BE with Him, He also reminds us of it when we forget.

So, for today, I will dwell.

Silence.

2010-11-13T22:56:00.001-08:00

Silence is deafening and peaceful. It is welcoming and painful. It can be cut through with a knife or swallowed by the spoonful. Sometimes, silence is necessary. Sometimes, it is unwanted. Often times, we could use more of it. Rarely, it is asked for.

The bible tells us to be quick to listen and slow to speak. I like to translate this in my mind as “shut up and you will be able to hear so much more than your own presumptuous thoughts.”

I have been silent on my blog for over a month. On purpose? Yes. Acknowledged? Of course. Significant? Not really.

You see…when I first started this blog I asked for accountability in allowing this blog to only glorify my Lord and not myself. And as I think about sharing things on this blog, I am called to filter it through the question of “who is this glorifying: you or Him?” When that answer didn’t satisfy my conviction, I chose to stay silent. It was painful and refreshing.

I want to share with you the ways the Lord has blessed me. I want to write down the ways that He charms me and loves me. I want to attempt to put into words the ways He seeks me out each and every day.

And it’s not always going to be a Holywood film. It’s not (ever) going to be a Christian romance novel. It probably will seem mundane and insignificant to you. But to me, it proves that I am still His Beloved. It reminds me that He cares enough to walk with me down the street and see a flower along the path.

I read this blog a few days ago. She talks about the In-Between times…those times that aren’t important enough to be written down or insignificant enough to be shown in a film. The times where we are simply “abiding in Christ” as John 15 talks about…and I completely resounded with it. I am an in-betweener right now and the Lord has called me to see the beautiful significance of abiding, surviving, waiting, and holding on.

And so, from now until the end of the year, I am challenging myself to take time each day to reflect on the Lord’s love for me. To chronicle those insignificant times of surviving so that I can thrive by abiding in Him.

To give words to the silence.

Will you join me?

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:14

Incomparable.

2010-09-29T15:19:00.001-07:00

It is a feeling so deeply set into my heart that, if I tried to rip it out, it would take some of me with it.

It is a love so strangely connected with my subconscious that I don’t know if I could think clearly without it affecting me.

It is a lifestyle so incomparable to any other way of living that, if I tried to live without it, I wouldn’t be able to make one foot go in front of the other.

It is a desire so embedded into my prayers that it drives me to act, live, think, and move without any additional thought.

It is a conviction so strongly felt I can’t help but share it with those around me.

It is my relationship with Jesus Christ, Lord of all heaven and earth, Savior of sinners, Healer of souls, Forgiver of sins, Lover of even the worst of us. And it is His free gift of salvation “that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.” Romans 10:9-10

This relationship with Christ is the impetus that drives me to do the thing that I do. It is the force that beckons me to be completely submitted to His loving care. It is standard of life that I choose to live by…simply because I have experienced His grace, through faith, and I know that I am saved from a life of slavery to the sin that I do not want to do.

Oh, how great a God we serve!

He has done, is doing, and will do great things in this country. My time is slowing (and oh-so-rapidly!) coming to an end. I am so humbled that the Lord would use me here…so blessed that the Lord would reveal Himself to me here…so in awe at the Lord’s heart for the people here.

I’m in love with the city of Glasgow and I don’t care who knows it.*

(*I would like to state that this love comes only and purely through the LOVE I was given by a Savior who embodies love…I love Him because He first loved me and I have love for this city because of His love for me.)

Let Glasgow Flourish…

2010-09-25T16:18:00.001-07:00

This is the motto of Glasgow, as you can see in the photo I took above (these are on many of the bus stops, etc. around town). But, as I learned this week, the true and full motto is this: “Let Glasgow flourish through the preaching of Thy Word and the praise of Thy Name.” What a beautiful reminder to the believers here in Glasgow!! (**keep this in mind as you scroll through the rest of the blog. especially when you see the pictures of an art exhibit i found).

The believers here are being nourished and are growing in the Lord. They are truly desiring the Lord to go forth in this city and I can see the Lord working through them. The CU strongly steps forth in evangelism and getting the Lord’s name out and also very strongly encourages each person that is involved to also be involved in their home church as well. The beautiful thing is the way they are a family. I see them serving together and serving each other and I am so encouraged by the amount of churches represented in the CU that come together under one banner to preach ONE Jesus and ONE Gospel every week.

My time in Glasgow has come to a stop and I am now starting a new week in a town called Motherwell just about 20 minutes out of Glasgow. I hope to help out with one more Toasty Bar (thats a really odd name for us americans that just means a place where they hand out free grilled cheese sandwiches) and enjoy the fellowship of so many awesome brothers a sisters one last time.

This is a banner that the Lord prompted Amy to put up one day to promote a thing called “Alpha Course” that the CU is putting on. It is basically a study of the basics of Christianity that begins with asking people what they think the meaning of life is. We definitely got some “worldly” answers…as well as some guys who thought they were funny…but in the end, it prompted some really awesome conversations about the True Meaning of life…Jesus Christ!

I was blessed to be able to go to a museum in Glasgow called Kelvin Grove (I think). It was beautiful and the organ you can see in this picture was in the main hall. The Lord orchestrated it so brilliantly that I was there when a gentleman did a small concert on it…what an amazing noise it was!!!

Walking into the oldest Cathedral in Scotland, there was a beautiful stand with a rather large bible on it. What a reminder that He exists not in buildings but in our hearts. This building (below) was beautiful but lifeless and the Lord knew I needed that reminder of Who our Great Shepherd is.

This is the front of Toasty Bar. You can see to the left and in the center the white t-shirts we all wear in order to keep a safe and prayerful eye out for each other. This is the “queue” to the right that was always pretty full from 11pm until we run out of toasties.

My favorite lunch so far…it was from a place called MYO: Make Your Own where you can make your own jacket (baked potato), toasty (grilled sando), salad, sandwich, or pizza. Also, FYI: if you want a drip coffee here, you ask for a FILTERED coffee, and apparently…drinking sparkling water is just as weird in Scotland as it is in America. And here I thought I would fit it…

Below are three pictures from an exhibit in the Gallery of Modern Arts. This museum (all museums in Glasgow are free, by the way) is in the center of Glasgow and has exhibits of very influential artists. These three pictures are from one exhibit that was a response to another, more popular, exhibit downstairs. The one downstairs is a depiction of today’s youth and very clearly struck my heart. To see the video camera scan so deliberately across a line of youth and watch their reaction to each other, the camera, and to life around them in general truly struck a chord in my heart. The Lord allowed me a glimpse into the emptiness that life is without Him and my heart broke for these kids of “tomorrow” (as the exhibit was called). Below are some responses done by Glaswegian pre-teens and teenagers.

Please keep Glasgow in your prayers. Pray specifically for the youth and Uni students and for salvation from the trapped and lost world they are in.

“The Lord bless you and keep you;…

2010-09-22T03:28:00.001-07:00

the LORD make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the LORD lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26

I have been blessed to have so many people praying for me while here in Glasgow. Even more blessed to know that the Spirit is showing them specific things to pray for and then actually doing them through me and the team at Strathclyde University. The verse above is one that was shared with me at least five different times this week. What a reminder that it is the Lord doing all this in me.

If I sit here long enough, I will have quite an essay or book written so instead, I will continue as I did from my last post with sharing a prayer with you and asking you to be lifting this work up as He shows you. (*pictures below)

Dear Heavenly Father,

What beautiful work you are doing through these students. God, I look around and into each set of eyes I have been serving with and I see passion. I see conviction, light, joy, peace…I see these young students on fire for the Lord and not willing to step down or be quiet about the Truth that they know to be Real and Awesome. You.

You, LORD, are the reason that each student is out here this week and You, LORD, are not just the impetus but the Life that is propelling them forth to share your ageless gospel of redemption.

My God, I thank you for the ways you have chosen to use me. Thank you, too, for keeping me humble and keeping me out of the spotlight. Even in those times that I have thought that I had anything to do with what happened, you remind me that I “have been crucified in Christ. It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me.” (Galatians 2:20). You keep me out of the way and, for that, I am thankful.

Lord, I want to lift up those that I spoke with last night at Toasty Bar:

Chris: I pray that he would come back, as he said he would. I pray, Lord, that the preconceptions of church and God that he has would be blasted out of the way as You show him who You want to be in his life.

Jenn: I pray, Lord, that as she starts her first year here at Uni that she would be active in finding a church. I pray that You would impress it upon her heart to come to “church search” on Sunday and find a place where she will hear of Your gospel weekly. Lord, You know if she is saved or not. I pray that You would do the work in her to bring fruit out of her life.

Aidan: Lord, I am so confident that You desire him to know you. Last night, he agreed with a prayer that, if You were real, You would make yourself known to him. I believe 110% that You are trying to get his attention and, if he were to truly seek after Truth, he would find You. Lord, open his eyes to Your Truth and give him ears to hear your calling for him.

For the many other people who heard truth and the Gospel of Jesus Christ last night. You tell us that we are without excuse and that all of creation proclaims Your Name. They heard Your Name last night, Father, and I pray that as those seeds are looking for fertile soil, God, that it would be found and that You would allow them to sprout and grow.

and, with that, Lord, I want to thank You. I want to praise You. I want to continue to share You with those that I meet here and ask that You would continue to give me strength and wisdom to know when to talk and when to stay quiet.

Father, please be preparing the other speakers and event coordinators this week as well. May Your Spirit compel them to speak only truth—and boldly.

I pray, too, for preparation for what You would have for me in Motherwell starting Saturday.

In Your amazing and awesome name,

AMEN!

My first view of Scotland…but when I saw it, it was at night with an epically gothic yellow glow to it. I knew I had arrived…=)

My ride…haha, kidding!!

Setting up for a day of outreach near the Student Union

This long queue is for getting into the student union on Tuesday nights…its called “Twelve Hour Tuesday” when the (4 or more?) bars withIN the student union (I didn’t type that wrong) give drinks for really cheap. The CU sets up their free toastie bar just to the left of this picture from 10pm-2am every week.

I could get used to seeing buildings like this every day…=)

Oh, how beautiful are the feet of His saints!!

2010-09-22T02:45:00.001-07:00

Lord, you are so good to me. I praise You for the loving and warm reminder of the things you are doing all around the world. From my friends in South Africa…

And all that the Lord is doing with them there to those here in Edinburgh. From those that the Lord has sent to spread the gospel from here to {Sierra Leone, Liberia, Papua New Guinea} and from {Japan, Korea, Germany, America} to here. Your Gospel is going forth. How truly beautiful are the feet of those who are preaching Good News as it says in Romans 10.

Father, I am reminded of a simple song that the kids in Africa used to sing: “all over the world, the Lord is moving. He met a blind man, and He sent him free (and He set him free). I remember today, the Lord was moving…” And, my sweet and precious Jesus, You moved and are moving here today. I praise You for giving me eyes to see your work going forth all over this beautiful country and beyond!

And, today, of all days, Father, You were here, meeting me. You took me on a beautiful date today—our day together—and let Your Spirit guide me all over. You even blessed me with some familiar faces and places…because You know just what will make me smile.

And, most importantly, Lord, You were here. You were with me, among my thoughts, words, and sights. You were guiding me and showing me just how great a God I serve.

Thank you for this beautiful day here in Edinburgh. I look forward to what You have in store for me in Glasgow. Praise You forever, Jesus. I love you,

Amen.

Refreshing

2010-09-18T12:45:00.001-07:00

Arrived in London on Thursday at 11:15am. Tobi picked me up from the airport and all I told her was “just don’t let me fall asleep until after 9pm” and, she didn’t! What a beautifully refreshing time with Tobi. We walked, took the tube, rode on buses…and all the while were able to talk and spend time catching up…being refreshed by the Spirit in each other.

Romans 1:11-12 says: “For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift, so that you may be established
that is, that I may be encouraged together with you by the mutual faith both of you and me.” As we spent time doing so many amazing things, i truly felt this mutual encouragement in our time together.

Here are a few pictures of our time:

Lunch!

My new best friend…

He wanted to be my new best friend, too, but I told him that was already a taken position.

Mom, I waited and waited for the Pope, but he apparently had other (more important?!?) things to be doing than waving at a bunch of crazies on the streets. I might have intentionally walked behind some news anchors videoing the ordeal though…didja see me on tv?? =)

All this hullabaloo (thats my new word) for the Pope.

OK!! I now officially understand why the Lord had me in cars with people who generally brake a LOT later than I do. Driving on a two decker bus, there were times when the car in front of us COMPLETELY disappeared and we still hadn’t completely stopped yet. I’m glad that (you know who you are) helped prepare me for that!!

My lovely and rather smashing personal London tour guide. I wanted to pay her, she was so good! (Yes, Tobi, I’m tooting your horn for you…).

***this update brought to you by a late train to Edinburgh that has free wi-fi. What else do you do when the DRIVER of the train is running late and you have to wait for him? I offered to take over but for some reason that didn’t fly well with anyone else…?"***

consider it done.

2010-09-15T16:27:00.001-07:00

Legs shook.

Tears streamed.

Smile gleamed.

Bridge crossed.

I enjoyed my time of prep here at a Pastors/Leaders/Workers Conference as we went through the book/calling of Nehemiah. Have you ever studied this man’s calling before? I would encourage you to spend a few days/hours/or years with him. The Lord is meeting me at every step while I am here and I am so thankful.

I leave for Scotland in 1 day. I know I have said this before, but it seems surreal. I have waited over 7 years for this day. It is just around the corner.

And I wouldn’t have been able to get there without crossing some bridges along the way.

until next time,

e

Scotland 9/7

2010-09-08T22:36:00.000-07:00

I’m almost there!

The Lord has blessed me with a place to stay. He has specifically chosen to not give me particulars on what I am to do while I am there but He has been gracious enough to give me a vague outline.

This in and of itself proves to me even more how much the Lord loves me…He chooses to bless us even when He doesn’t have to.

I know that I have told many of you that I am going to be updating my blog about my trip. Don’t worry, I intend to do that. I probably won’t be writing huge long expositions on my days in Scotland (do you really care about what I eat or how much coffee I drank that day??) but I would love to be able to share a few stories with you and, as the Lord permits, what He is showing me.

Also, as an aside, if you are reading this on Facebook, you can always go to my blog by clicking here to stay caught up…and leave me a comment every once in a while (ok ok…so I know that sounds just so silly, but it’s nice to know that I am actually writing to SOMEONE and not just the internet at large…) =)

So, with that being said…the countdown begins! I’ll try to blog one more pre-trip update before I leave on the 16th and then…it’s all fun and games until someone gets back from Scotland! =)

I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it…

2010-09-06T22:28:00.001-07:00

I grew up with terms and phrases such as “worry wart", “stop worrying”, “don’t worry about it”, and “you don’t know if that’s going to happen” being a rather common part of my life.

I worried. I couldn’t go to sleep because I was too busy forming an escape route in case of a fire (ok, don’t laugh, I know I’m not the only one…). I constantly asked questions and was aware of my surroundings out of fear that something could go wrong. Granted, I was (in a matter of speaking) a normal child, but I have always fretted and wondered about things I didn’t need to. From worrying if my friends were having fun to worrying if we were going to get somewhere in time…I definitely had the gold medal in worry!

Well, worry quickly translates to fear when it isn’t confronted or given over to the Lord. What keeps you up wondering at night begins to keep you from taking a step forward the next day…

Fast forward to the present, I told you in this post how the Lord confronted my fears last year. I spoke of the Lord teaching me a lot about fears of unknown territories, fears of uncontrollable circumstances, and fears of unforeseen changes.

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I am heading to a Pastor’s/Leader’s/Worker’s Conference next Monday. At that conference there are beautiful trails and paths to take that lead you through some of the most beautiful and glorious views of our Lord’s creation.

There is one path in particular that is forever engrained in my mind. This path cuts back and forth between creeks and paths, down into lush greenery and past a few summer camps. At one point, your eyes look down the path and fall upon one large suspension bridge.

Wooden boards line it, suspension coming out from all different angles form beautiful arches holding it in place over a deep ravine. It sways back and forth under the pressure of the feet that cross it—sometimes even slightly rocking as those same feet desire to “test its strength.’

To continue the trail, you have to cross it.To cross it, you have to step onto it. To step onto it, you have to propel your mind, body, and emotions to go forward.

You know, for me, it’s a lot harder than you think. Crossing bridges is akin to many peoples fear of spiders, snakes, heights, etc. Bridges and Erika have never really gotten along.

Last year, this bridge and Erika were not friends.

But, this year, I am going to cross that bridge when I get to it.

And then, as I am brought to the edge of a real or proverbial bridge in my future, I will cross that one too.

And I am going to continue this trail that the Lord has laid out for me by propelling my feet to step out onto these bridges towards the rest of the beautiful trail before me.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Broken or New?

2010-08-23T23:14:00.001-07:00

Walking along the shoreline with the waves spilling its hidden treasures next to my feet, I find myself dismissing shell after shell in search for that one perfect unbroken one.

This tan and peach clam shell is chipped.

That grey mussel shell is crushed.

The part of that sand dollar sticking up is beautiful but when lifted from its place in the sand, the other half is missing.

These shells that are washed up on the shore have been battered by tide, feet, birds, weather…life. The journey they took to get to the place of being noticed couldn’t have been fun and couldn’t have been completely protected.

I walked down the beach looking at these shells hoping to find one that was un-chipped, un-scathed, un-blemished. Whole. New. Perfect.

But I was only looking half-heartedly because what pressed down on my mind more – my whole reason that I was on the beach – was the internal argument I was having with the Lord.

Why can’t life have less stress in it? Why do I always have something that has to be dealt with? Lord, I wish that I could go back to the days when I didn’t have so many things to stress and worry about. I wish I could have a life that made more sense. I just want to rewind. I want to go back to those times when I hadn’t gone through what I’ve been through. I don’t want to have to deal with all this. I don’t want to have to go through everything in my past…

And as I sat there in the sand contemplating these questions, ruminating on these complaints, and asking the Lord to guide me and let me see Him in all of this, I finally reached down and grasped a shell in my hand.

This shell had seen better days. It was once a part of a bigger, whole, beautiful shell down in its comfortable sea bed. This shell had taken quite a long journey from below sea level to above the waves to beyond the shore and into the sandy dunes where it now lay nestled between other rocks, shells, and remnants of shells.

This shell had been broken, chipped, split, washed ashore, battered, grated, and sanded down throughout the years. It was now just barely the size of a quarter with as many rough edges and rounded ones. And with all of its journey…it’s brokenness and change…it was still a shell. More than that…

…it was a whole shell. And not the kind of whole that would make it beautiful and worth keeping to anyone looking for “that one perfect shell.” It was whole in a different way.

Because this shell was unique. It was beautiful and different and unlike any other shell. It was exactly what it was meant to be because of the journey it was taken on. And what it looked like right then and there – the product of what it had gone through – was exactly as perfect as it should be.

It was washed ashore – because somewhere along the path, it had to let go and move forward from its comfortable home below the waves.

It was broken – broken because it endured crashing waves.

It was cracked – cracked because it had to let go of things that were keeping it from moving more freely.

It was chipped – chipped because of the rocks and shells that rubbed against it along the path.

It was grated and battered – by the other rough edges it came across.

It was in the sand – because that was where its path led it.

And as I kept turning this shell over and over in my hand, I realized how much like this shell I am.

And how, in the Lord’s eyes, I am still beautiful and whole and perfectly-exactly who I am meant to be today. I don’t have to wish my life back to a child-like status. I don’t have to question why I have dealt with waves and chips and scratches and brokenness. I don’t have to wonder if I am exactly who I am meant to be…

Rev 21:5 - Then He who sat on the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new." And He said to me, "Write, for these words are true and faithful."
2Cr 5:17 - Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

We may never again be that person we were 1 year ago – 5 years ago – or 25 years ago. But that doesn’t mean we are broken and need fixing. It just means we are new. We are changed. We are different.

And, if you have surrendered your life to Christ and asked Him to be your personal Lord and Savior, you are exactly who the Lord has meant for you to be. He is in the process of changing and making new…not in the process of making us merely look “as good as new.”

A point to ponder…

2010-08-12T22:40:00.001-07:00

…when desiring to serve the Lord, the greatest action we can take is to stand…

~> He will fight our battles for us – lay your weapons down and trust His strength.

~> He will keep watch over us – lay your head down and rest.

~> He will take care of all our hopes, needs, cares – lay down your fears, wishes, and wants and let Him speak His will into your heart.

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Romans 5:1-2

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Ephesians 6:11-13

“Moreover, brethren, I declare to you the gospel which I preached to you, which also you received and in which you stand, by which also you are saved, if you hold fast that word which I preached to you unless you believed in vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:1-2

“Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong.” 1 Corinthians 16:13

Father God, thank you for your care for me. I release to You my desires, my hurt, my worry, my wonder, even my happiness. Thank you for clothing me for the battle and then asking me to simply stand as you fight for me. You will never leave me, nor forsake me. You will always be with me and I know that I can trust in that. Thank you, Lord, for your sacrifice on the cross that paid the debt for my sin. Thank you, Lord, for showing me what true unconditional love is by your death and resurrection on the cross. My life is yours: lead me down the roads you wish, take me through the peaks and valleys, guide me down every path as your vision is infinitely better than mine. I love you, Jesus, AMEN

Scotland

2010-07-29T19:46:00.001-07:00

Yes! Im still going!

I am set to leave on one of those really big metal things that some how stay in the sky without being attached to strings….or, in English, an airplane…on September 16th.

I will return on October 3rd.

If you want to know more about my trip, you can read my testimony starting here.

Or, you can read the last update here and here, too.

If you want to be a part of my prayer updates, please send me a personal email or leave a comment with your email address and I will put you on the list! (my email is erikamarie82@gmail.com) even if I have/had no idea that you read my blog but you want to pray for me…trust me…i’ll take all the prayer I can get! =)

I will still post updates on here from time to time, but for the most part, as per my first post, this blog will mainly be about heart updates and the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

A Quick Snippet

2010-07-28T22:04:00.001-07:00

I would just like to take this time to remind myself that I am not the one in control.

Earlier today, I had a conversation with a most beautiful and precious friend of mine…who seemed to have it in her mind that I actually enjoy bouncing from here and there…always changing and always looking for something “new” to do, be, try…etc.

I had to quickly squelch that assumption because, you see, I don’t. You may look at my life and see a rapidity of change and a hectic and rather dizzying amount of movement within the confines of my life and think that I am perfectly content in this.

And, while I am content, I was not always the most willing of followers on this path.

As I attempted to explain to her that, no, this is not “just who I am” and, yes, I would rather settle down and enjoy a slower paced life…the only conclusion I came to was that the “dream” I wanted is simply not what the Lord has for me right now.

You see, for the past 10 years, I have bounced around to and from many adventures that have led me to: Mexico, Cape Cod, Bakersfield, Africa, Romania, Texas, Morro Bay, and…Disneyland (ok, I know that last one doesn’t count…but…if you know me at all…you know I had to put it). I have held well over a dozen jobs, lived in well over a dozen houses, lived with (or tortured, depending on who you talk to…) well over a dozen roomates…

Each adventure has had its necessary impressions on my heart and life in order to get me here.

today.

now.

And, as I sat and soberly realized that I would, in fact, rather be settled into one place and know where I am going to be 5, 10, and 20 years from now…I excitedly smile because, guess what?

I am not the one writing this book.

He is. The Author and Finisher of our faith. The One who searches our heart and desires to bring us beauty for ashes…every good and perfect gift…a hope and a future.

I pray that if you are questioning God’s timing in your life or His will verses your desires that you will find comfort in knowing that we serve a God who is almighty and all encompassing…let Him comfort you and whisper His love to you tonight.

Shaken

2010-07-19T21:44:00.001-07:00

I had never eaten a plum that I have personally picked fresh from a tree until this week. Below is the story of that rather enlightening day…

In order to get the beautifully ripe-red fruit from the tree and into my mouth, i was told the following (very specific and scientifically profound) instructions:

“…just give the tree a good shake.”

So, with the anticipated taste of a plum on my lips, I walked outside and gave the tree a good shake.

thump, thump, thump.

It was that simply. I shook the tree and it rained down dozens of beautifully ready to eat plums (luckily, I had enough brain waves working to stand in a place that the plums wouldn’t fall on my head).

I looked up, laughing a little, and saw that there was one very beautiful piece of fruit still on the tree so, I shook it some more.

Nothing.

Hmm, I thought, I guess I will have to get this one with a stick. So, I grabbed a stick and poked away at the plum until it fell down. The tree admitted defeat and I decided to enjoy my victory by biting down into the fruits of my labor…

…which, i promptly spit out…it wasn’t ripe!

As I got the bad taste of un-ripened fruit out of my mouth by biting into another one, I started thinking about the lessons that can be taken from this experience.

First, fruit is meant to be grown on a tree. And much like trees, we are meant to produce fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace… This fruit can then be given to provide nourishment for others around us.
Fruit is ultimately meant to spread more life. I have been told many times: it takes death to produce more life. Fruit has to die so the seed can be taken, buried, and allowed to grow again. This fruit cannot spread life unless it is first removed from its life source.
Sometimes, the tree has fruit that is ripe enough to come off the tree, but it just needs a little shaking. The Lord does this in our lives as well.
Other times, the tree has fruit that looks ripe and ready to offer nourishment and life to others, but looks are deceiving and it’s not until the nourishment is tasted that we realize that fruition was not met yet.

“Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful; But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night.
He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, That brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither; And whatever he does shall prosper.” Psalm 1:1-3

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, And whose hope is the LORD. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, Which spreads out its roots by the river, And will not fear when heat comes; But its leaf will be green, And will not be anxious in the year of drought, Nor will cease from yielding fruit.” Jeremiah 17:7-8

We are all called to be trees that produce the fruit of the Spirit. Sometimes, He allows shaking that we would be a part of spreading His eternal life. Other times, He still has us growing and allowing our fruit to get ready and ripe before it is used to encourage and nourish others.

We are all called to produce. We are all called to share True Life with those around us. And, most importantly, we are called to let Him do that work for us. He is the Life Giver, the only One from Whom comes the only Life worth living for…

“Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” John 15:4-5

Jesus Wept.

2010-07-13T23:56:00.001-07:00

John 11:35.

Recently, I have had a hard time keeping my tears in. The smallest thing tips off my emotions and a tear will fill my eyes in a moments notice.

They aren’t all the same tears, though. They are tears of change, frustration, happiness, confusion, joy, uncertainty, overwhelming desires and hopes, pain, mourning, excitement…

When I was young, my mom called them “Crocodile Tears” because they would fill my eyes so fast and before I knew it one large tear drop would escape my eye and fall dramatically down my face, scarring the person watching and deceiving me as it gave away the emotions it held and portrayed.

Those crocodile tears never left. Some times more than others, they come falling down my face and I have had days where I have embraced them and days, much like today, where I have shamed them.

Do you ever get tired of crying? I do. I have recently found myself trying to hold them in, willing them to stay at bay during this season. And as they come…unchecked, unwanted, and unwelcome, I found myself apologizing within me today…

“I’m sorry, Lord, that I am not strong enough. I’m sorry that I can’t hold it together. I am ashamed that something that petty could cause so many tears.”

And He gently reminded me of John 11:35…Jesus wept.

We serve a God who is unafraid to weep. We serve a God who will see us through every tear, every cry, every sorrow, every joy…

He gives ear to my cry and will not be silent at my tears. He puts my tears into His bottle. And the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces; For the LORD has spoken.

I called upon the LORD, And cried out to my God…my cry entered His ears because His ears are open to my cry. the LORD hears…and will deliver me out of all my troubles. He will hear their cry and save them.

When the Lord saw, He had compassion and said, "Do not weep."

there is a time to weep, And a time to laugh. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh…so rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep for those who sow in tears shall reap in joy.

*Psa 39:12-Psa 56:8-Isa 25:8-2 sam 22:7-Psa 34:15-Psa 34:17-Psa 145:19,-Luk 7:13-Rom 12:15-Psa 126:5-Ecc 3:4-Luk 6:21*

I needed to be reminded today that it is OK to shed tears and it is alright to let Him comfort me when I need it.

I don’t have to apologize to My Dad when I need a hug.

I just need to ask for it.

Enjoying every moment…

2010-07-01T20:59:00.001-07:00

Do you ever have those times where you KNOW what you’re supposed to do but have the hardest time submitting your own desires to do it?

Or, do you ever feel like something really exciting is just about to happen but you don’t have the faith enough to let yourself get excited because the reality of it is so far displaced from your reality?

What about those moments when you feel certain that things are being laid out before you and you are missing one huge link to the puzzle and it becomes something akin to visiting a dentist’s office to trust that everything is going to work out…without pursuing that missing link?

Have you ever set a goal or a fleece before the Lord and, saying you are trusting Him to provide, continually try to reach or achieve that goal on your own?

Has He ever totally blown you away by smacking your hand and at the same time proving to you hands down that He really is in control and that you really have nothing to do with achieving said goal?

Yea…me to.

I don’t know that I have openly shared on here the financial part of my calling to Scotland. But the long and short of it is that I personally do not and will not have the finances to fund this trip. Because of this, the Lord put it on my heart and asked me to step out in faith by sending support letters out to those around me.

Being the *oh so humble and never at all prideful about money* (read: sarcasm) person that I am, this was hard for me to do. Throughout it all though, I knew He was calling me and He continually reminded me that He would provide. All I could say was “if He wants me to go, then He will get me there…”

So, I set a goal (or “fleece” if you will…) of $1,000 in order to get my plane ticket (they are running around $900 right now). And on May 30th, I handed out my support letters.

And then the days started ticking by. And then I started worrying. And then I started taking matters into my own hands trying to figure out how I could get to $1,000 on my own. I had, as of Wednesday, received about 1/2 of that amount.

In planning for my garage sale this weekend, I kept thinking “ok, if I can make the remaining amount then I will be able to get my plane ticket! That’s manageable!

Hmm…then I went to the mail box and with a simply labeled envelope, I hear the Lord tell me “Erika, I said I would provide this for you…I don’t need your help.”

And my fleece was answered and the Lord, once again, made Himself known in so mighty a way that I cannot deny His presence.

And I was yet again humbled in thinking about how very much He loves me and how very much He desires to pour out His every good and perfect gift from above (James 1:17)

“The Lord will perfect that which concerns me. Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever; do not forsake the works of Your hands.” Psalm 138:8

I have a secret…

2010-06-20T22:34:00.001-07:00

…wanna know it?

come closer…closer…ah! too close, a little to close…(ok, that was a shameless quote from Aladdin…)

So, here is my secret. But first, I don’t know if you can handle it, so if you aren’t willing to remain in strict confidence on this, please, don’t read more.

Ok?

….ok. Now…here’s the thing.

Ready?

(we don’t know the future.)

I know, shocker, right?!?!?!?! Can you even believe it? WE DON’T KNOW THE FUTURE!!!! Now, this is something some people don’t know yet.

Because, everywhere I look (although, I don’t have to look farther than my own mirror) I see people preparing for the future that they think will happen. I see people seeking out answers for their future. I even see people, in essence, living in their future.

Again, my own mirror.

The bible tells us this, though: “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day [is] its own trouble.” (Matt 6:34)

Did you hear that? Tomorrow will worry about its own things. Chill out. Stop worrying about it!!

….but, want to hear another secret?

Thought so. Ok, here it is:

I know what we ARE to spend our time thinking about! I know what we DO know! I even know where YOU can find that, too! (I hope you’re as excited as I am. Because, proverbially speaking, I am jumping up and down in my chair).

Want to know? Yea? So you’re telling me that, since you don’t know the future and you are told not to worry about it, you want to know WHAT you’re to be busying your time with?

cool, I thought so…I’ll tell ya. Actually, I won’t tell ya…I’ll let Jesus Christ, our Lord, Savior, Abba, Kinsman Redeemer, Comforter, Teacher, and Director tell you from His Love Letter:

Matthew 6:27-34

“Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, [will He] not much more [clothe] you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day [is] its own trouble.”

what i’m doing when i get where i’m going

2010-06-10T22:37:00.001-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about these verses in Matthew 6…

“But seek first the kingdom of God
and His righteousness,
and all these things shall be added to you.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about its own things.
Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
Matthew 6:33-34

As I have been trying to make plans: in and out of relation to Scotland, the Lord has gently reminded me that that is NOT my job. My part of the bargain is to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness.

I shouldn’t be worrying about tomorrow.
Or the next day.
Or September.

On September 19th, as the Lord provides financially and directs spiritually, I fully intend on flying to Scotland. Once I get there, I know what I WANT to do, but I don’t know, nor has the Lord shown me, what He wants me to do.

Here is what I do know:

First, this trip is a two week (read: short term!) evangelism, outreach, and scouting trip. What does that mean? This means that the Lord has put it on my heart to bring His gospel and His salvation to His beloved in Scotland. He has also given me a desire to see how I, as just one person, could come up alongside His body of believers in Scotland: where is the need? how can it be fulfilled? what is my role in all of that?

One thing that I would love for you to come alongside me in prayer about is a certain outreach that the Lord has brought to my attention. There is a university in the middle of Glasgow that has what is called “Fresher Week” (think WOW week at Poly). This year, it is being held from September 20th through 24th and I am praying about coming alongside a Christian University Union in the evenings doing outreach and evangelism. Pray the Lord directs communication with this group as well as lays it on others hearts the desire to not only tell people that they are Christians but to also share the Gospel as the ONLY way to salvation.

Another opportunity that may arise is a chance to take a train to Edinburgh for a few days to meet the church body there as well as seek out some divine appointments the Lord may have for me. Pray that the Lord would first provide the additional funds for this as well as the direction on traveling alone or with another person during this time.

Second, this trip is one of obedience to the Lord’s calling and direction. He never told me that He would give me an hour by hour outline of my time there. He just told me to go. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m going.

As many of you know me fairly well, you know that underneath my craziness and spontaneity, I enjoy a good hearty schedule with a healthy side of time management and foresight. In this instance, every time I try to open the doors for that to happen, the Lord has firmly shut them. I am learning to not just be OK with this, but to thrive it it. Pray that the Lord’s overwhelming peace would surpass my desire to know and understand and that I would seek to merely please Him in my actions of trust and dependence on Him.

Third, this trip is for His glory. Regardless of what happens on this trip, it is submitted to Him. The Lord knows why He has beckoned me to meet Him there and what that means-for me and for those around me.

Whether that means Him breaking my heart and sending me back there for a longer stay or just simply going this once and coming back with more of a fervor to serve the Lord here in Morro Bay for a long time to come…I want to remain open and available for the Lord to use this vessel for His glory.

In the meantime, I am going to seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness…and leave the rest up to Him! What able hands our Father in heaven has…I am so grateful to be able to cast all my cares upon Him.

how i got where i am

2010-06-08T22:25:00.001-07:00

In March, I had the pleasure of house/plant-sitting for some friends. I needed some time away and in this, I was able to seek refuge each night and even spend a few days just simply seeking and being with the Lord.

At the time, I was desperately desiring to hear the Lord's voice and wanting to know His will for the next season of my life. I didn't know what that looked like, but I had pretty big ideas of what I wanted it to look like...obviously (if you haven't figured it out yet with the Lord) He had other plans!

What I was expecting was the Lord's clear direction.
What I found was the Lord's clear voice.
What I was wanting was answers to my questions.
What I was given was an answer to a question I hadn't thought to ask yet.

I woke up one morning and the first thing on my mind was a date: September 19th.

I didn't know what it meant...how I was supposed to take it...what I was supposed to do with it. But it wouldn't go away. All day it kept coming up…September 19th.

So I began praying.

And for 3 weeks, all I did was pray and ask the Lord what it meant: was I supposed to be abstaining from something as a fast until that time? Was that a date that something was going to happen? Was it a date for someone else? A date I needed to do something?
I asked these questions almost daily but also knew that, in the Lord's time, He would make His plan known. That also came in an unexpected way.

I was out on a walk with a friend of mine who has known of my heart for Scotland for quite a while. She had asked me about my time away and what the Lord had shown me. As I was sharing some different things with her, I began to explain to her this enigmatic date I was given.

Without the blink of an eye, she gently responded to my wonderings and musings with a simple sentence:
"Erika, maybe that's the date you're supposed to go to Scotland."

I sat gawking at her for probably a lot longer than she was comfortable with as I slowly began processing this new piece of the puzzle. It didn't make any more sense than the date I was given but just as with that, I knew the Lord was planning and directing each of these steps.

We committed this to prayer immediately and asked the Lord to confirm His perfect plan through His scripture and His ways.

...the next day, one of only two Scottish friends that I have showed up, unannounced, on my doorstep. She wanted to surprise us and flew all the way out here from Scotland to do just that. I didn't want to jump to conclusions, but was elated with the realization that this could definitely be another piece of a puzzle that had quickly become more grand than I had ever dreamed up.

The final pieces to the puzzle came with talking with my Pastors and waiting patiently for the Lord to confirm this calling with scripture. He gave my Pastors some very wise and encouraging things to say as they kept reminding me to commit it to Him and to wait for Him to make the plans.

I kept praying.

Finally, about 5 weeks after the Lord giving me a date, He confirmed His calling with His word. This scripture has meant so much to me through the past 7 years of my life. The first time I was given in was when I had to walk away from being a nanny.

Since then, He has used this scripture to remind me that He desire to call us out from those wintery and hard seasons in life into a spring time that brings forth bud and blossom, fruit and joy.

My beloved spoke, and said to me:

"Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.

For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone.

The flowers appear on the earth;

The time of singing has come,

And the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.

The fig tree puts forth her green figs,

And the vines with the tender grapes give a good smell.

Rise up, my love, my fair one, And come away!

Song of Songs 2:10-13

This time around, however, the Lord called me into His will and to Himself by giving me one more verse:

"O my dove,

in the clefts of the rock,

In the secret places of the cliff,

Let me see your face,

Let me hear your voice;

For your voice is sweet,

And your face is lovely."

Song of Songs 2:14

With this verse, I felt the Lord telling me, calling me, biding me to come away…to Him. To meet Him in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the cliffs…to find Him in and follow Him to Scotland…

I pray the Lord continues to speak to you with His word. It is living, powerful, sharper than any double-edged sword (Hebrews 4:12) and He is waiting for you to pick it up with the expectation that He WILL speak to you through it, guide you from it, show you His heart in it.

He loves you that much.

the fullness of joy (#7)

2010-06-02T23:59:00.001-07:00

**this is the 7th and final part of my testimony. thank you for reading**

8 years ago, I came back to the Lord.
7 years ago, my heart broke for Scotland.
5 years ago, I was reminded of His life.
3 years ago, I was given new direction.

Last year, refining came by way of fears and trust.

Psalm 16:11 says "You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

Last year, I began to deal with griping fear. The kind that paralyzes you, suffocates you, surrounds you to the point of being incapable of battling it.

I can't explain what spurred it on, but it came full force and ran from physical fears (of bridges, heights, mice, etc) to spiritual and internal fears (of losing loved ones, doing the wrong thing, making the wrong choice).

In the midst of a panic attack at a conference last year, I asked for those closest to me to pray. One verse that had been coming up over and over again throughout the conference was 2 Timothy 1:6: "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." As they prayed, I clung to that verse.
I began dwelling on the idea that the opposite of fear are these things: power, love, and a sound mind. I needed that love. It led me to 1 John 4:18 that says "there is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear,..." and as I prayed for the Lord to show me how to dwell in perfect love, He sweetly ushered me to Psalm 16:11...and His presence.

I have been asking the Lord since then to continually remind me of His joy and love that casts out fear by letting me remain in His presence.

Circumstances will come up: leaving a job position you love, letting the Lord change the way you minister in church, friends coming and going, heartache, change, pain, confusion. All of these things, in the eyes of the world do not equal "joy" or happiness. But as we navigate our way through the downs and the outs of life, what does equal joy is dwelling in His presence throughout it, holding His hand and letting Him take you through.

Saying "Lord, I don't understand, I don't get it, but I know this is what You have asked of me right now and I'm going to trust You."

And then doing it.

I always find that doing it is the hardest part because the fullness of joy doesn't involve action, it involves dwelling. Dwelling in His presence. Stopping long enough to stay in His presence and not navigate our way through a messy map of emotions and circumstances and lies from the enemy.

In the midst of this year, and of finding His path of life and seeking to understand that His presence is where He wants me, He gave me a verse that held promise in it.

He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it. 1 Thessalonians 5:24

I assumed He was promising to release me of my fears and I was thankful for that. I wouldn't have to worry about whether or not I would lose someone or something or have to deal with pain and hurt. Right? Well, it wasn't long after thought that when some of my worst fears became a reality in my life.

I don't need to repeat them and I don't need to give them more spotlight than they need. They are dealt with and over. But they were real and they happened and I cried out to the Lord, confused about these circumstances in light of 1 Thessalonians 5:24 and Psalm 16:11. He reminded me, hourly, daily, weekly...that He was there and He was in control.

I had to say to Him again "Lord, I don't understand, I don't get it, but I know this is what You have asked of me right now and I'm going to trust You."

I kept reminding myself that He has called me into His presence. I kept trying to run but His Spirit always brought me back. And I knew that I could find comfort there. I could find that power, love, and a sound mind that He has given us.

And joy. I knew that in His presence, I could find joy. Just like He told me I would.

7 years ago, He told me I needed to know what true joy was before I could minister in a place like Scotland.

5 years ago, He began to show me how to cling to Him in undesirable circumstances.

3 years ago, He striped me of my worldly identities so that I could be found complete in Him.

1 year ago, His love proved itself conquering over my fears. I found that His presence is where I need to be, regardless of circumstance or emotion.

3 months ago, He reminded me of His promise that He made 7 years back as He opened wide the doors for ministry in Scotland and laid the ground work for a short term trip there.

He called me, He is faithful, He will do it.

Friends, this is the 7th post of my testimony and I don't have much else to say. I have brought you up to the present time with one important factor that I want to share with you: everything that has happened in my life has been designed and orchestrated by the Lord.
I can't ask to change it, even if I want to, because I have joyfully submitted my life to His very capable hands. If this is something that you would desire: to joyfully surrender yourself to the Only One capable of directing you, then all you have to do is ask. He is willing and waiting for you to say YES to Him. He will do everything else.

the joy of dwelling (#6)

2010-05-29T14:05:00.001-07:00

**this is part 6 of my testimony that i began posting on 5/17/10…thank you all for reading this. One more to go! **

Walking away from the youth group led me to walking towards a God ordained resting period. I clung to the verses from Habakkuk during this time of feeling bare, of being nothing but a fruitless dry tree, of gaining nourishment from the roots I had in the Lord's love. Eventually, the winter season was going to turn into spring as Song of Solomon 2:10-12 reminds us:

"My beloved spoke, and said to me: "Rise up, my love, my fair one, And come away.
For lo, the winter is past, The rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; The time of singing has come, And the voice of the turtledove Is heard in our land."

This verse is one that is always brought to my attention as I am dealing with hard situations. Erika, He says to me, it's time to walk in My spring time. It's time to start growing again. It's time to produce the fruit that you were made to produce. I have called you away from that dry, cold and lifeless wintry season. Your tears have caused the earth to bring forth flowers again. You had to shed the old foliage to make room for the new. There is life to be seen and to be experienced, come away with Me and lets find it!"

I found Spring time when I chose the Lord over myself, chose to trust that He knew me better than myself, and chose to follow His path.

It led me to an internship at church.
And a new job making jewelry where I was able to work from home and serve more freely.
And a new living situation with amazing roommates.

It led me to being filled up again and desiring to overflow.
And serving in the office at church.
And new and renewed friendships.
And learning how to be perfectly content in any situation the Lord puts in my path.

"Trust in the LORD, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass." Psalm 37:3-5

Every time the anxious questions of whether or not I was doing the right thing and whether or not I made the right choices came into my head, I was reminded of these verses. Trust in Him. Dwell in the land. Feed on His faithfulness...He will bring it to pass. I stopped serving in the youth group in July 2008.

It has been two years of learning...
...to dwell
...feed
...trust
...delight
...commit
...do good

two years of turning over every desire of my heart to Him...
...every hope
...every dream
...every promise
...every THING that could possibly blind my eyes from His desires for my heart.

It's what He wants. As we desire to do His will, He will begin to shape us accordingly. I hope I'm not the first to tell you that it WILL be painful at times. It will hurt when things-people, situations, jobs, items, relationships, plans-that are embedded deep within your heart have to be ripped out. It hurts, but the healing is something to look forward to. The Lord will not leave you broken. He is here to heal.

"When Jesus heard that, He said to them, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice.' For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance." Matthew 9:12-13

(I want to once again let you know that the healing and the rest that I have continually found throughout my life is found only in the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ and His sacrifice on the cross. The bible says that if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart, you will be saved (Romans 10:9-10). It's that simple. Please contact me if you want to talk more about this decision. More about the peace of God that surpasses all understanding. erikamarie82@gmail.com)

the joy of change (#5)

2010-05-28T23:57:00.001-07:00

**this is part 5 of my testimony that i began posting on 5/17/10**

I have been pondering on a metaphor recently: A fire that is only the size of a small candle wick will be blown out the minute it comes in contact with the smallest gust of wind; but a brush fire an acre wide will only get bigger as the wind hits it.

This compels me to think about the fire that is kindled within us as we lay our lives down to follow the Lord. I think of the times when I was a barely flickering light and the Lord shielded me, knowing I couldn't last on my own. Or the times when I was being grown, tested, and tried that I would glow…

brighter...stronger...longer...greater.

These are the times that define us and make us who we are today. These are the moments that drive us to become something more. And it is in these times of trials and hardships that we are allowing the Lord to trim back our wicks, stoke our fires, and let His light shine so brightly in us that He gains all the glory.

And that kind of fire cannot be tamed easily.

I have been writing my testimony with this in mind. Those things I have shared have been the most defining moments of the past 7 years of my life. Yes, they have been tough but they have each, in their own way, been completely necessary.

Each moment carried in it heaviness and brought me to greater freedom to trust the Lord with more of my life. “Bittersweet” would be a good way of explaining it...especially the times when I have been asked to give up something that I have loved so dearly not knowing when the pain would go away.

---

After I began walking forward from the nanny position, my path led me into serving in the youth ministry at my church. I had started helping the youth group out while I was a nanny but once I left that job, I decided that I needed a job that wouldn't involve giving my heart away.

So I got a job at a bank. Which really was "heartless" and boring. It was the first job I ever took for security and not because it was a good fit. And at the same time I knew that I wouldn't be staying at that job forever, I realized that a heart is meant to be poured out. If it is hindered in one way, it will find another way to be spent. This time around, I began pouring it into the youth group.

I enjoyed serving in the high school youth ministry so much. I was blessed to help co-lead a girls bible study for three years, plan weekend trips, random outreach events, not to mention they let me become an integral part of each of their lives. I loved being there.

More than once I would say "I could never leave this ministry. It means so much to me. These kids are so much a part of my life. I could NEVER walk away from this..."

It was hard, too, though. I learned the truth of ministry from the front lines. I dealt with insecurities--my own and others. I handled situations beyond my own years and my own experiences. I learned how to let someone lean on you by turning them over to the Lord and how to turn someone over to the Lord by not giving them something to lean on.

Pouring my heart out in this ministry is something that I will never regret. Pastor Brian, the youth director, always warned us leaders that our actions will be seen and copied ten times worse. We, as examples, have to be willing to let ourselves be the example and have to recognize that they will always go one step (or ten) more to the extreme than we do.

Everything we, as leaders, did was watched and picked apart and used to gauge what was OK in the life of a high schooler.

I didn't always measure up to par on this one. I was still learning with them what the youth group motto says: 1 Tim 4:12 "Let no one despise your youth but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity."

Did I try my hardest to be the best example in all aspects of my life?
Did I encourage each student to make good choices that honored the Lord?
Did I try to point them in the right direction?
Did I choose to use my platform of leader and friend for positive influence?

Of course I did.

But I also allowed my prideful flesh to come in and think that it was me making the change in their lives.
I took credit when the credit was due to the Lord.
I stepped into roles that shouldn't have been mine to step into.
I stepped on toes and feet that I should have been washing.
And you can bet that every one of my actions was mimicked in one way or another.

Eventually, I whittled my way into a place where I thought that my presence in the youth ministry was necessary. Where I thought that, without me there, things would fall apart. I made myself a defining factor in my eyes when, in reality, the only defining factor in any ministry should be the Lord.
It was at this point that I had to let go. I was holding on too tightly. Trying too hard to make things the way I wanted them to be. I woke up one morning and realized, in all my fleshly glory, that I was embittered and lacked the joy to keep going in this ministry.

And, because I had told the Lord that I could "NEVER" leave, it took me exactly way too long to finally bring myself to a place humble enough to admit that I needed to leave.

To say "I needed a break" would be a downplay. I had someone tell me that I needed to be filled up again, or that I needed to just step away from the kind of ministry that drains you. ...but I was more than drained. I was rung out, squeezed dry, and left out in the sun.
I needed to learn how to retain Living Water again. I needed to not walk AWAY from this ministry, these kids, this place that I poured my heart into...I needed to walk TOWARDS the Lord's ministry, the Lord's love, the Lord's heart being poured out for me. I needed to come back to Him, for I was weary and weak and needed rest.

Another chapter of my testimony ended in tears and confusion...and a renewed sense of trust, knowing that I wasn't just walking away because I wanted to, but because I was called to. I was again just a daughter of God with no titles, no layers, no other way of recognizing myself other than who He wanted me to be. Just His.

I clung to the verses of the prophet Habakkuk 3:17-18: "Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls--Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation."

(If you have been through a dry season…a winter season…a season of pain, heartache, or weariness…know that you are first not alone and second have been given a way out. The bible says that Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life. If you want to know more about what true LIFE is in the Lord Jesus Christ, I want to tell you. He died and rose again three days later that, those who believe on Him and His resurrection, would be saved from death and given eternal life. It is as simple as saying “yes, Lord, I want that” and you, too, can rejoice in the God of your salvation as Habakkuk says. My email address is erikamarie82@gmail.com if you want to know more.)

the joy of being reminded of His love (#4)

2010-05-24T22:08:00.001-07:00

**this is part 4 of my testimony that i began posting on 5/17/10**

So, I waited. I slowed down. I kept moving forward with my life.
Around this same time, I was blessed with a job as a nanny for a little boy. I started watching him when he was 2 months old and would be with him 4-6 days a week for 10-12 hours a day.

I had never been this close to a child before and didn't realize how much of my heart was going into it. I was with him for so much of his day because his mom was raising him on her own and she worked a very time consuming job. I would be there when he woke up and be with him, in his daily routine, until it was dinner and bath time.

I taught him new words, took him to new places, fed him new foods, dressed him, bathed him, loved him, cared for him, disciplined him...all the while learning how deep a love for another human can go. This child was finding a very solid and very deep place to settle into my heart and the more time I spent with him, the more I didn't want to let him go.

...Somewhere in the midst of it, I became his primary care giver.
...Somewhere in between feedings and walks and outings, I put a lot more than just my hours into caring for this sweet baby boy.
...Somewhere in the day to day life of taking care of this child, I refused to trust that the Lord would take better care of him than I could.
...Somewhere along the way, my heart got attached.
Then, as the Lord tried to reveal to me the dangers of holding onto something that was never mine in the first place, I tried not to listen.

He got louder. I held on tighter.

Eventually, the situation became something unhealthy and completely out of my control. I had been the primary care-giver for him for over 1.5 years when I chose to move in with him and his mom. The reasoning was that it would be easier to help out.

Boundaries started getting shady. She began asking me to spend more time with him--which led to her spending more time for herself and her own desires. I chose to spend more time with him because I thought I could make up for what he wasn't receiving from his mom.

Then, a moral issue came up that I knew in my heart of hearts I couldn't ignore.

I sat down with my pastor and told him the whole story, asking him for advice. He looked me straight in the eye and all he had to say was "Erika, I think you know what you need to do."
I had to leave.

I had allowed the situation to become unhealthy. I filled in the gaps of mothering this child when it was his mom that needed to be doing it. I worried about him as if he were mine to worry about when in reality, he was always the Lord's. I cared about him thinking I was the only one that would--when it was the Lord who was wanting to care for him through me.

It tore me apart to walk away from this situation but I knew I had to do it. The Lord, all along, kept telling me that He would take care of him. He would be with him even when I wasn't. I trusted His words and I trusted that the Lord could care for him in a way that I couldn't. But still, walking away from this child that I helped raise for almost two years was heartbreaking and painful.

It was the first time I knew true heartache and true loss. It was the first time I can remember my heart being left behind as I packed up boxes one day and drove away. My stuff came with me and I moved forward to another season, but my heart stayed behind with that little boy.

The day after I told his mom that I was leaving, I packed up my stuff. A week after I told her I was leaving was the last day that I ever saw that part of my heart again. His mom wouldn't let me keep in contact and I've had to be OK with that decision ever since.

More than just being OK with this situation, I came to understand that the Lord is the only One that will answer with Truth when you cry out to Him in heartache and pain.

I couldn't say that I was "happy" after this decision was made. I would never tell you that I was content with the decision, either. But I will tell you that it was the right decision. I will also tell you that it was the best decision I could have made simply because it was the decision that the Lord was asking me to make.

He asked me to trust Him with my heart. I gave it to Him when it was wounded and open from the pain of tearing it away from this family.

He asked me to trust His direction. I blindly stepped forward not knowing where I was going to be going next, but knowing, with full assurance, that He knew.

He asked me to hand it all back to Him and come to Him simply as myself. I obediently peeled back the layers of who I labeled myself to be in order to learn what it meant to simply be His daughter again.

I quietly sat and cried in my Father's arms as I continued to recognize that His ways are higher than mine and His thoughts are beyond my own. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

Eventually, amidst tears and sorrow, He began leading me forward again…

(is there anything in your life that you are holding onto too tightly? Let Jesus Christ, the one who came down to this earth to bring you joy, take it from your hands. It will hurt, but it will heal. The bible says that we are to have no other gods before Him. He is a jealous God who not only wants all your heart, but wants to give you all of His. If you have never confessed Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior, and want to know more about how to do this, please email me at erikamarie82@gmail.com)

the joy of waiting (#3)

2010-05-20T23:18:00.001-07:00

**this is part 3 of my testimony that i began posting on 5/17/10**

I asked God if I could go to Scotland.

I had been growing in the Lord and knew that I was "right" with Him. I knew that He was directing my path and giving me a chance to know more about Him. I still had a lot to learn (don't we always) and I was still pretty immature in a lot of aspects in my life. But I was happy. And that's where I thought I was meant to be: in a blissful Utopian-like world where there were daisy fields and butterflies, smiling faces and laughter. This was Christianity and this was where God would use me.

I kept seeking the Lord. I kept praying. I started looking into making plans for heading over to Scotland. I made steps to figuring out how I could come up alongside the church plant that was going to happen. I wondered when I was going to get to go. I was ready. I wanted to. I knew the message these people needed and I thought I knew what that was in my life. Happiness. They needed to smile. They needed joy. They needed to peel back the proverbial cloud that they were living under to experience true LIFE in the light of our Lord.

I waited for a response. He gave it. Someone once told me that God always response to prayers in three different ways: yes, no and wait.

And God responded to this prayer, too.

I didn't understand it, but I knew I needed to trust Him. If we were having a conversation, it would have gone something like this:

"Lord, my heart is breaking for these people...YOUR people...will you send me to Scotland?"
"Erika, wait."
"Wait, Lord?"
"Wait."
"Why? Why can't I go now? They need you! They need to hear about Your salvation!"
"Wait Erika."
"Until when? When can I go?"

The conversation ended as the Lord showed me the darkness of Scotland in contrast with the happiness of my life. I saw the smiles of people around me, the happiness I had in the life that He was allowing me to live at that time, and I wanted to bring what I felt to the UK.

He responded with a statement that still repeats in my mind to this day: "Erika, your joy needs to be found in Me first. You need to be grounded in My joy."

You see, friends, there is a difference between happiness and joy. Happiness lasts only for a period of time. It is an emotion. It is circumstantial at best. Happiness comes from the moment, from the feeling, from surroundings. Sure, I was happy in my life. But where was my joy?

I didn't know. But I did know that God said "no" for now, but He also gave me hope. Psalm 138:8 says "the Lord will perfect that which concerns me. Your mercies, O Lord, endure forever, do not forsake the works of Your hands." I was able to stand up and step forward knowing that His timing would be perfect. I began a course of waiting and, with that, started filling my "waiting period" with other things that would honor the Lord.

At this point, I started attending bible college. I had such a desire to know more about the Lord, but didn't know how else to pursue that. When the opportunity came up for me to take classes at a bible college that was offered at a local church, I looked into it immediately. By the end of 2003, I left Cuesta College and was attending only bible college and working full time.

I had a full plate as I was going to school, working full time, being on student staff in our college group, and all-together enjoying life.

But I kept wondering where I was going to find joy...

(as you continue to read my story, know that happiness is self-made. True happiness and joy only comes from a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He died and rose again that we may know what true joy is: being in His presence. Our sin separates us from Him and He wants us to be with Him. He made a way for that to happen. If you want to know more, please email me at erikamarie82@gmail.com. This decision is the most important one you will make in this life: will you accept His offer of salvation and choose a relationship with Jesus Christ?)

the joy of a broken heart (#2)

2010-05-19T08:13:00.001-07:00

Shortly after I moved back and began attending church regularly again, the Lord gave me a desire to get involved. Going to the college group showed me what true fellowship was, serving in children's ministry and on the media team helped me appreciate service in a way I had never known before, and seeing teams and missionaries go and come back gave me that passion to do something "more" for the Lord.

I was happy. I was content. I was surrounded by friends that I loved and in ministries that I enjoyed. In essence, I was "thriving" and I was ready to take on so much for the Lord's sake. I thought, for sure, this was what it was supposed to feel like as we surrendered our lives to the Lord. We reach out to Him and He gives us a smile-friendly life to lead. Right?

It was pretty soon after I remember getting involved that a short term trip came back from Scotland. It had been announced, around that same time, that one of the assistant pastors would be moving there to begin a work as well.

I can't remember my first thoughts upon hearing this announcement, but think about it: Scotland? Seriously? They aren't poor like certain places in Africa. They aren't devastated by wars like Ukraine. They aren't oppressed like China. They aren't lost tribes in the middle of the jungle. They aren't...well...typically a country one things of when you hear the word "missionary" at all. Why Scotland?

One Sunday, they showed us a video. As the song "Light of the World" began playing in the background, the video camera panned the darkened streets of Edinburgh. It showed centuries-old churches being used as occult shops. It showed kids so lost in their own world of self-satisfaction and hate that they couldn't even fathom unconditional love.

It showed a world desperate for the Love of God. It showed a country that had once sent out the first missionaries to un-churched people groups now unable to understand the joy of sharing that good news.

I remember crying. I remember wanting to reach out and hug those kids. I remember being angry at those shop owners who would turn what used to be a house of worship into a house of blasphemy. My heart burned with a desire to produce change but without the means to do so.

When a heart breaks, it does so in a million pieces. It is messy. It is real. It is also only something that can be healed by the Great Physician. Watching that video and hearing our pastor's heart for the lost of Scotland, my heart cried out. It broke in that messy, real way that is hard to clean up.

I prayed. I got on my knees. I asked the Lord to send me there. I wanted to give to these people the salvation that I had. I wanted to tell them that what they were doing was wrong. I wanted to give them HOPE and show them Who holds their future.

With a heart broken before the Lord, I sat at His feet and waited for a response...

"For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus: that if One died for all, then all died; and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again." 2 Corinthians 5:14-15

(Friends, if you are reading this, then know that the verse above is talking about YOU. The One it is talking about is Jesus Christ and He died to bring you new life. Romans 9:9-10 says "that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation." I would love to talk to you more about this decision: erikamarie82@gmail.com)

the joy of turning back to Him (#1)

2010-05-17T18:03:00.001-07:00

I want to spend some time sharing a little bit about a big part of my heart. Congruently, this also means sharing some of my testimony. I will be posting segments of God’s story in my life for you to read over the next few weeks. Here is “part 1”…

8 years ago, I started attending a new church. I had just come "home" from a year of backsliding. This wasn't your typical "turn from the Lord and drink, do drugs, and date promiscuously" backsliding. It was sneakier than that. I walked away from any fellowship that I had and purposed to not go to church, read my bible, or do things "the right way."
I went after my own gods. That meant new work, new friends, a new town, a new identity. And I was miserable. But I was miserable with a smile on my face. I didn't go to sleep depressed and I didn't wake up thinking about how much my life sucked. I simply woke up and moved on with my day, calling myself a Christian, and yet, choosing how I wanted to live my life, did everything with my own terms. I had fun. I met some fun people, I was happy.

Then, one of my best friends came back from a mission trip to Ukraine. I drove to the coast to hang out with her (I was living in Bakersfield at the time) and hear about her trip. We spent upward of 4 hours talking about it. I left that day to drive home with a lot to think about. When she talked about her trip, you saw the joy in her smile. You saw the conviction of truth in her words. You saw the growth of her walk; you saw her maturity in the Lord. And I was jealous. I cried out the the Lord on that drive home. I needed to make some changes.

I wanted more of Him and I knew what that mean: turning back to Him, relying on Him, re-dedicating my life to Him. So, I laid it all down on the table. As I did, things started getting more clear for me. I was choosing my own friends: I needed to get back into fellowship. I was walking away from a closeness to the Lord: I needed to draw closer to the Lord by letting Him come near me again. I didn't want to change: I needed to WANT change. This shedding of myself and putting on of the Lord ultimately led to me turning around in a months time and moving back to the central coast. Moving in with new roommates. Attending a new church. Finding fulfillment in the Only One who can fulfill.

Ultimately, I look back at that time and I realized the foolishness of my own desires triumphing over the Lord's will in my life. Romans 1 talks about the Lord giving "them" over to their own desires and lusts...because it is what they chose. But the words of Jesus in Matthew is what resonate with me through that period of my life:

"Come to Me,

all you who labor and are heavy laden,

and I will give you rest.

Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me,

for I am gentle and lowly in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.

For My yoke is easy

and My burden is light."

Matt 11:28-30

For the first time in over a year, I felt light again. I was walking back into the JOY of following the Only one worth following. I could breathe again because I wasn't so focused on not trying to drop things. I ran freely into the rest that He offered.

I haven't regretted it since.

(If you are reading this and don't yet know the joy, freedom, light-weight rest that Jesus offers to everyone (that includes me and you!), please don't hesitate to ask! The bible says that we are all just as wretched as the next and yet, in all of our glorious filth, Jesus chose to come and offer us a way to become clean again. It is called salvation and it is only by truly believing that His Son was sent to this world as a payment for your filth and sin, died the death that we deserved, and conquered that sin by raising again from the dead 3 days later that we might have eternal life through Him. I would love the opportunity to tell you more: erikamarie82@gmail.com)

Did you see Him?

2010-04-28T23:12:00.001-07:00

When you saw that flower in its simply beauty contrasted with the complexity of the highway that it grew besides, did you marvel at the paint and not the Painter?

When you made eye contact with the little girl who offered you a big smile as she was being wheeled around the grocery store with her mom, did you compliment the mother and not the Father?

When you were interrupted from your daily grind by someone asking a question, needing a hand, wanting someone to talk to…did you remember Who you were helping?

When that topic of conversation came up for the Nth time, could you feel Him as He was prodding your heart and asking you to dwell on it, or was it just coincidence?

Did you see Him today as you walked into the coffee shop, out of the grocery story, and through your front door?

Did you hear Him today as you conversed with His creation, spoke with His children, and enjoyed His melody?

Did you thank Him today for the wonder of the full moon, the accomplishment of a job well done, or the peace of finishing another day by His grace alone?

Or, like me, did you forget that you are child of an amazing Father who delights in conversing with you?

He delights in lavishing us with every good and perfect gift. He enjoys speaking to us through His creation, gently calling us away to spend time with Him…

Lord, may we see you even in the most mundane tasks. May we hear you even in the most common of sounds. May we know you better even in the midst of understanding our surroundings less.

the un’s of our faith

2010-04-11T00:47:00.001-07:00

Unexpected. Unknown. Unplanned.

If I were asked this week what three words defined my life right now, it would be these.

I didn’t expect that to happen. I didn’t know things would turn out the way they did. I wasn’t planning on having things go that way.

Tonight, I know that God knows. I know that what I didn’t expect, God expected. What I didn’t know, God knew. What I didn’t plan, God planned.

He knows because He is all knowing. He is all encompassing in knowledge, understanding, and wisdom…and even when we question and doubt and wonder if He looked down on our predicament and think “wow, didn’t see that one coming, ok, lets roll with it and see what happens…”…He still knew.

His ways…higher.

His thoughts…greater.

His love…better.

He has comforted me and those around me time and time again over the past few weeks, days, and even hours, with the reminder that just because we didn’t expect it to happen…He did. Just because we didn’t know that it would turn out that way…He did. and Just because we didn’t plan on having things go differently that we wanted…He did.

And He loves us.

And He knows us.

And His grace is sufficient for us.

Oh, what a beautiful God we serve! May we seek to desire more of the Un’s in our faith that bring us to a deeper understanding of the One who knows, plans, and expects!

We still won.

2010-03-26T22:19:00.001-07:00

Did you know that in WW2, the Allies didn’t win all the battles they fought?

Did you know that an estimated 60 million people died in that war? Not all of them were enemies…

Did you know that those soldiers who fought for freedom and for justice were most likely scared as they stepped off ships and planes onto enemy ground, not knowing if they were going to live another day?

Have you ever thought about the fact that many of those soldiers may have had a change of heart in the midst of these battles and, as they watched comrade after comrade die beside them, they probably at some point thought “this is too much, I can’t do this anymore”…yet they had to keep going because enemies were all around them and they didn’t have another option?

War is bloody and filled with unknown. It is harsh, cruel, crippling, and filled with fear. War is a gruesome thing that is hard for me, in my tiny sheltered existence, to fathom.

And I think about the fact that, despite the death, we won.

Despite the fear and the confusion, we won.

Despite losing the battles, we won the war.

Despite the fact that World War II was one of the bloodiest, most gruesome, traumatic events in history, we still won.

And then I realize…Christian…we are fighting a war.

We are soldiers. (2 Tim 2:3-4)

We have an enemy. (Eph 6:16)

We are daily on a battle ground. (2 Cor 10:3-5)

And we must fight. (1 Tim 6:12)

But remember…

Despite the death of our flesh and our dreams, He already won.

Despite the fear of not knowing what is ahead and the confusion of not understanding what happened before, He already won.

Despite losing some of the battles, He already won the war.

Despite that fact that the life we are living here on this earth may be filled with trauma and pain, tears and heartache, He has already won.

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." Jhn 16:33

“Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it. 1Th 5:23-24

All or nothing?

2010-03-10T22:57:00.001-08:00

Sometimes, God asks us to do something.

He doesn’t ask us to do it right.

He doesn’t ask us to do it great.

But He does ask us to try.

Sometimes, the Lord will ask us to GO.

He doesn’t always tell us where.

He doesn’t always give us a map.

But He does ask us to start walking.

Sometimes, the Lord will ask us to stay.

He doesn’t always tell us why.

He doesn’t always tell us how long.

But He does ask us to be still.

Sometimes, the Lord says ‘lay it down’.

He doesn’t ask for some.

He doesn’t tear it from your arms.

But He does ask for surrender.

There are things the Lord asks of us.

…are we willing to surrender them?

There are things the Lord would seek to change in us.

…are we willing to let Him?

There are things the Lord wants from us.

…are we willing to offer them to Him?

He doesn’t ask for perfection and He certainly doesn’t ask for us to do it on our own. The minute you recognize what filth needs to be dealt with or what way He is calling you…and look at Him and say “Lord, I can’t…” know that that is the moment where He will step in and say “I know…let Me.”

He wants our all.

We have nothing to give Him.

He knows that.

Do you?

“Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.
In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me?” Psalm 56:3-4

And God said…

2010-03-07T21:58:00.001-08:00

Sometimes, the Lord allows things in our lives to go wrong. I can’t say that He takes them from us, but He allows things to be taken. He has done this to me multiple times…and in those times,

I said to the Lord: “Why would you do this? Why would you put me through this?”

And God always said: “Trust me.”

Then, He asks for my heart. He asks us to allow Him to replace that taken thing. He asks for our attitude towards the situation to follow suit to our words of devotion to Him. I tell Him I will always love Him and then when He asks me to surrender the heart behind the “thing”…I hold and cling and grasp and don’t let go. And I tell Him:

“No, Lord. You’ve asked for too much. I can’t give you any more.”

And God says: “Trust me.”

The moments in my life where the Lord allows Job-like sifting are often the moments where I so badly want to blame God for the pain and the hurt. It’s in those moments that I feel alone, open, humbled (in a there-is-my-pride-staring-me-in-the-face kind of way) and distant. I want to feel those things, but I know I cant.

It’s in those times where I say: “Lord, I can’t do this. Why would you even ask this of me?”

And God responds with: “Trust me.”

Trust is such a hard thing for someone who has grown up being told to expect the worst from people. Trust is not part of the vocabulary of the fearful. Trust is a scary 5 letter word that is more easily forgotten than exercised simply because it is not understood.

Trust is what the Lord asks of us when He tells us that He wants our everything. Even our hearts. Even our memories. He wants it all and we have to trust that when we hand it over…He is going to deal well with it.

You are my family and you know what the Lord has asked of me recently. You are my friends and you have seen me as I grasp at the Lord frantically throughout it all.

I am your sister, daughter, friend, and fellow Christian and I can tell you that The Lord WILL perfect that which concerns me.

…because I know that His mercies endure forever.

because I know that He will not forsake the work of His hands. (Psalm 138:8)

He who called me is faithful…who also will do it. (1 Thes 5:24)

It’s in these times that the Lord smiles and says

“Trust me.”

Becoming Real

2010-03-01T22:48:00.000-08:00

http://www.incourage.me/2010/03/becoming-real.html

For the ladies in my life...I just want to thank you. I read this blog post (link above) and needed to share it. This one in particular resounded with me. I am thinking of so many women right now who have let me be real with them. Open up. Trust. Cry. Laugh.

Sandra: you will always be the one who is so sensitive to the Lord that I will never be able to hide what I am truly feeling: the Lord will use you to bring it out and lay it down.

Trista: you have a way of listening and caring that I hope I am able to portray to others around me. You feel so deeply and your interactions are so genuine.

Katie: the silent listener. Sometimes I think I have verbally puked on you one-too-many times. But even in the times when the communication hasn't been the greatest...I somehow knew you would always be there to listen.

Then there is Suzanne and Sarah Lush and Bethany and Robin and Tobi and Niki and Jinell and....as the list gets bigger, the more I realize how sweetly blessed I am to have women who LOVE the Lord in such a sweetly surrendered way that they are able to open their arms to a friend and sister and just hold on.

It overwhelms me just a little to truly sit and think of how much the Lord's love exudes from those around me. As it overflows from the Spirit within them, I can't help but be in the path of it's penetration. I can't resist the way the Lord chooses to love me through those around me who
...care.
...listen.
...hear.
...pray.
...love.

Sometimes words aren't enough. But, since words are what I have right now...thank you.

What I know…

2010-02-28T16:22:00.001-08:00

There are moments when I sit and strive to think past what the Lord is showing me and understand it on some “higher” level.

In other words, sometimes I try to look past the sweetly quiet voice of my Lord: the One who encapsulates all wisdom, love, and understanding so that I can explain what I want to know in my own words and feel like I have succeeded something in my own strength.

What a crying shame that I, in my flesh, think that my words will be better than His.

The Lord tells us that His thoughts are higher than ours…the way that heaven is higher than the earth. Earth will NEVER be higher than heaven. It’s a common sense thought but…not necessarily one I am always willing to grasp. Because, if I admit that the earth will never be higher than the heavens, then I am admitting defeat.

Earth will never be heaven.

The heavens, by definition, speaks of a space above and surrounding the earth. Earth, by definition, speaks of a firmament that is encapsulated by the heavens.

Earth does not equal heaven. Heaven does not equal earth. Heaven and earth, by definition will never.be.the.same.thing.

Defeat.

My thoughts do not equal God’s thoughts. God’s ways will never equal my ways. My thoughts and ways will, by definition, never equal God’s thoughts and ways.

But God’s ways will always be better than my ways. God’s thoughts will always encapsulate this broke sinner and His ways will always be greater for me than the ways that I choose.

As I admit defeat, I am laying down my ways, my thoughts, my plans, my life…I am admitting that MY thoughts are NOT His thoughts, and praising Him for it. I am submitting to the truth that MY ways are NOT His ways, and praising Him for it.

Victory.

My voice…my thoughts…my ways…are quieted in the presence of His still small voice showing me that He knows the plans that He has for me. If only i could sit…quietly…enough to hear His thoughts. Lord, I so desperately want to hear Your thoughts…

“You will show me the path of life…” Psalm 16:11

Hold my hand, Lord, and guide me.

2010-02-24T22:42:00.000-08:00

There are times when it is unnecessary to tell others my own thoughts. It is a sweet thing to see the Word come to life in a way that needs to other explanation. No other definition. No other translation except that which the Holy Spirit has already given.

Does He not see my ways, And count all my steps? (Job 31:4) For His eyes [are] on the ways of man, And He sees all his steps. (Job 34:21) Blessed [is] the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful; (Psa 1:1) You will show me the path of life; In Your presence [is] fullness of joy; At Your right hand [are] pleasures forevermore. (Psa 16:11) Uphold my steps in Your paths, [That] my footsteps may not slip. (Psa 17:5) You enlarged my path under me, So my feet did not slip. (Psa 18:36) Teach me Your way, O LORD, And lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies.(Psa 27:11) The steps of a [good] man are ordered by the LORD, And He delights in his way. (Psa 37:23) You will guide me with Your counsel, And afterward receive me [to] glory. (Psa 73:24) Make me walk in the path of Your commandments, For I delight in it. (Psa 119:35) Your word [is] a lamp to my feet And a light to my path. (Psa 119:105) Direct my steps by Your word, And let no iniquity have dominion over me. (Psa 119:133) You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways. (Psa 139:3) When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, Then You knew my path. In the way in which I walk They have secretly set a snare for me. (Psa 142:3) Then you will understand righteousness and justice, Equity [and] every good path. (Pro 2:9) When you walk, your steps will not be hindered, And when you run, you will not stumble. (Pro 4:12) But the path of the just [is] like the shining sun, That shines ever brighter unto the perfect day. (Pro 4:18) Ponder the path of your feet, And let all your ways be established. (Pro 4:26) The simple believes every word, But the prudent considers well his steps. (Pro 14:15) A man's heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps. (Pro 16:9) A man's steps [are] of the LORD; How then can a man understand his own way? (Pro 20:24) Hear, my son, and be wise; And guide your heart in the way. (Pro 23:19) They shall neither hunger nor thirst, Neither heat nor sun shall strike them; For He who has mercy on them will lead them, Even by the springs of water He will guide them. (Isa 49:10) The LORD will guide you continually, And satisfy your soul in drought, And strengthen your bones; You shall be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. (Isa 58:11) O LORD, I know the way of man [is] not in himself; [It is] not in man who walks to direct his own steps. (Jer 10:23) For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: (1Pe 2:21) To give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death, To guide our feet into the way of peace." (Luk 1:79) However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own [authority], but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come. (Jhn 16:13) **emphasis my own, all verses quoted from NKJV**

Lord, reign and rain down!

2010-02-19T16:57:00.001-08:00

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,"
says the LORD.
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.
For as the rain comes down,
and the snow from heaven,
And do not return there,
But water the earth, And make it bring forth and bud,
That it may give seed to the sower
and bread to the eater,
so shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth;
It shall not return to Me void,
But it shall accomplish what I please,
And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.
For you shall go out with joy,
And be led out with peace;
The mountains and the hills Shall break forth
into singing before you,
And all the trees of the field shall clap their hands."
Isaiah 55:8-12

I am brought back to this verse each time it begins to rain again. It brings me such joy in the midst of a gloomy day. We may not understand the rainy seasons of our lives, but see what it brings forth! Bud and seed and bread! Beauty and a living and food!

Lord, let us see light in darkness.
Let us live bright in the dim times.
Let us rejoice when others tell us to mourn.
Let us look to you and regard you as higher than
our thoughts, our ways, our very understanding.
Amen.

Im on my way to enjoy a weekend with some sweet friends. If you read this...pray the Lord's guidance on our weekend. Pray He meets us all right where we need to be met. Pray for healing and laughter and tears and joy. Pray as the Lord leads....

love to you all on this beautiful rainy weekend,
erika

Closer to the moon...

2010-02-18T22:15:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Pandora, I have been blessed with finding a few awesome Christian singers that I hadn't known about before. Alli Rogers is one of them. I have been SOOO blessed and refreshed by her lyrics. I want to try to get this song on my blog but don't know how to yet...look it up though. It's such a beautiful song. allirogers.com...there's a way to download free music but you have to pester 5 friends...

Closer to the Moon
Alli Rogers

Sydney says that nothing is “just” anything
she doesn’t like to use the word when she prays
I guess trusting is the hardest part of having faith
it’s dangerous to hope that things will be okay

well maybe fog and fear keep our eyes from seeing clear
I think Sydney could be right, she could be right
but if the stars that shine are in any way a sign
I think someone’s out there putting up a fight
someone’s right here holding us tonight

Frederick rarely hears the voice of God
he says the silence is the answer most of all
When the world has explanations for every miracle
how else would we have ears to hear him call?

It’s not a steady rain, it’s more a longing or a pain
It’s in the aching that he knows there’s something more
well I have never heard even a single spoken word
except the rhythm of a wave upon the shore
like watching dancers through a crack in the door

well my grandpa says commitment is the key to love
fifty years of sometimes twilight, sometimes dawn
he says there were the years he wasn’t sure about
but the love he chose was worth the pressing on

well I’m a river’s flow, some days I’m fast some days I’m slow
I think Grandpa could be right, he could be right
some days I fill the edges, then I’m shallow and pretentious
it all depends upon the rain I got that night
I should never base my faith upon my sight

I must decide where I am flowing, decide where I am going
so when I’m full of deep unknowing I’ll still see
when the silence gets accusing, when I’m winning or I’m losing
does assurance come from choosing to believe?

If the stars that shine are in any way a sign
I think someone’s out there putting up a fight
someone’s right here holding us tonight
someone must be shining down that moonlight

I am not alone.

2010-02-13T22:01:00.001-08:00

I sat in church today and talked with God.

...I spilled my guts, actually. It wasn't very pretty either. It was self focused and juvenile. It was painful and it was real. It was confusing and refreshing and tantrum-esque.

And in the end of it, He spoke to me some profound words. After trying to flee, after sitting through the service and dwelling on...myself...the entire time. After attempting to surrender but only having 1/2 of me to give...the Lord fought for me and I could feel it. My flesh so desired to win. So desired to push away from the Lord. So desired to make me feel alone...

The Lord spoke to me....and they were the exact words that I needed to hear. Words of rebuke, exhortation and, above all, Love.

"You're only as alone as you let yourself be."

I was complaining to the Lord. I felt alone. I felt like no one understood me...I felt like...I felt...I. The bottom line was ME. I. Such a small use of written space..."I"...yet with such profound and painful attachments. I was pushing the Lord and He knew it and He also let me know it.

The idea of "self" was a masterful and dare I say witty device created by the enemy.

We were meant to fellowship--to commune with our Lord. We were created to enjoy His presence and created to be enjoyed by Him. We were created...by a God who loves us, who cherishes and protects us...who desires and calls out to be with us every >day.hour.minute.second< of our lives. So where does the "self" have any place to be in this beautiful world of dwelling with the Lord?

In my struggles and in the reality that I call "life", I have a choice. In my flesh and in mySelf, I will be alone. I will try to tell myself that I am fine, but I will still be alone. BUT, in the Lord and in the Fellowship of believers around me, I will be filled with Love. I will be overwhelmed with Love. I will have no room for Self as I seek to fill my heart with the Lord and those gifts that He has given me.

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2

"Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him." 1 John 3:1

I encourage any who read this to first come before the Lord and bring your SELF to Him. He so desires to commune with you. And seek His fellowship.

And...I'd love to be able to keep myself less focused on...myself.
You know how to pray for me now...
How can I pray for you?

Dancing, Rhythm, and ...life.

2010-02-11T19:23:00.000-08:00

I went to a dance performance a few weeks ago and I may have already joked with you about some of the different performance moves I saw...but...let me tell you...these dancers were amazing. They did things with their bodies that I know takes discipline and strength and focus and diligence...many things that I lack in my life.

I keep thinking about the process that led to their performance, though, and wanted to share it...

Many months previous to this performance, they walked into a room and didn't expect to come out for hours. After, say, 5 hours of practice...they had about 5 minutes of a routine memorized that they were expected to remember the next time they walked into this room.

Repeat. Probably atleast 2...3....5 times a week for 2...3....5 more months. Think about all the time they spent memorizing their "roles"...in each of 20 (an estimate) dances...think of the bruises and tears and frustrations they had to endure through it all. Think of the excitement and joy and feeling of success when they finally "landed" that move...

I can't even begin to fathom the thoughts of each of the choreographers, either. The way they have to take a concept and add moves to it and set it to a song that will also portray the mood and feeling of whatever it is they want to get across to the audience. Then to see it in their minds and have to somehow explain it to 5 or 20 more people and work with them until it seems to look the way it was thought of...?

I, obviously, am not a dancer. I have never had to go through those hours of practice. I've never actually choreographed a dance (well...ok...i helped choreograph a DRIME once...) or performed in a dance show like this or...done what these dancer did.

But I do live a life choreographed by an Amazing Artist.

I wake up every morning and am asked to come to the practice room of my Lord. And, sometimes, I choose to go to practice and learn routines...I get into His word, I fellowship, I attend bible studies, I go to church, I sit and worship my Savior...knowing that the more I do it, the more discipline, understanding, wisdom, strength I will receive...and the easier it will be next time...and the greater the "performance" will be when the time comes.

And, also like those dancers, I've had the spiritual bruises and the tears. I've rejoiced and been excited over the times that I have overcome an obstacle or seen another overcome an obstacle. I've performed with multiple other "dancers" in my life...

The choreography is different every time. The dances all portray a different concept, thought, character...of the Choreographer. As believers, we are called to show up to practice and to be ready for those times He is calling us to be His wholly...to dance the dances that He teaches us...to allow for His concepts to be shown through our lives.

The dancers I watched that night put SO MUCH effort and SO MUCH time...heart...soul...into a performance that lasted 2 hours. I would imagine their practices were hours long for months before it and it took years and years of manipulating, strengthening, chastening, and challenging their body and mind to do the things that they sought to perform that night.

And their performance ended. And I couldnt tell you a single one of their names. And i couldn't tell you who any of the choreographers were...or what most of the dances meant.

And then I think about my life and how it so easily can resemble a performance like that. Only...I know that if I put in half as much effort and time and heart and soul in my performances and they did theirs...the performance that would result could be life changing. And people who see my dance will remember not my name but the Name of the One who showed me the moves...the One who is to be remembered.

As we dance through our life, may we seek to listen to the Choreographer and hear His concepts...His character...His themes. May we seek to dance in a way that truly and honestly depicts the One who showed us the moves. The One who performed it before us. The One who gave us every step and will assist us throughout it all.

May we seek to be in His practice room daily, that we may build enduring trust, strengthen the muscles of faith, gain the discipline needed...

...and in the end, our performance will only matter to an audience of One who is already our greatest Fan.

Who am i?

2010-02-03T17:29:00.000-08:00

I am uniquely me. I like to rub my boots together when I'm walking just to hear the "swoosh swoosh" of them. I smile at my thoughts. Sometimes at night, I ask the Lord to speak to me in my dreams. I am a sister, a daughter, a secretary, a creative thinker, a crier, a laugher. I can't lie. Sometimes, I say things without thinking about the consequence of my words first. Most weeks, I don't shower daily. I don't sing well. I sing with abandon. Sometimes, I am scared of what I don't know. I feel differently than I think. Often, I smile and laugh and live in the moment. I don't like the dark. Sometimes, I do think too hard about the outfit I'm going to wear. I don't always know what I'm talking about. Often, I love others without a thought of reciprocation. I have a low pain tolerance. There are times I have looked in the mirror and now known the person looking back. Every day, I drink coffee. If you ask me how I'm doing, I will tell you. Sometimes, I cry and can't explain why. I have never liked to balance my checkbook. I love chocolate. I enjoy harmless jokes, but hate when I am the butt of them.

There are so many statements that make up "who I am."
There are so many answers to the question "tell me about yourself?"
But do any of these suffice?
Don't each of these statements help me to relate to someone else...
because that someone else is also...like me?

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
(I am searched by the Lord. I am known by the Lord.)

You know my sitting down and my rising up;
(I am seen by the Lord when I sit and when I rise)

You understand my thought afar off.
(I am understood by the Lord even before I understand myself)

You comprehend my path and my lying down,
(I am made to take the Lord's paths and rest in His knowledge)

And are acquainted with all my ways.
(I am never going to surprise Him)

For there is not a word on my tongue,

But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
(I am heard before I can hear)

You have hedged me behind and before,
(I am protected from my past and into my future)

And laid Your hand upon me.
(I am directed by His steady hand)
---

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

It is high, I cannot attain it.
Psalm 139:1-6

Every day, I talk with the Lord.
Every day, He holds me in His arms.
Every day, I can confidently say that I am my Beloved's and He is mine.

Every day, I am me. And what I am...is who God made me.

This is why I am unique. This is why the statements that I can make about myself pale when placed in comparison with the way the Lord loves me, sees me, knows me...

creates me.

For You, Lord, are...ready to forgive...

2010-01-28T22:47:00.000-08:00

For You, Lord,
are good, and ready to forgive,
And abundant in mercy
to all those who call upon You.
Psalm 86:5

Lord, how many times have I needed your forgiveness? How many times has my heart gone astray? So numerous have been my transgressions and yet I can see You...looking at me...smiling...without a single thought of those sins in your eyes. Without a moment of comprehension of those reprehensible things I have done in my past.

How can I still see them? Why is it so hard for me to not look beyond who I once was?

If we confess our sins,
He is faithful and just
to forgive us our sins
and to cleanse us
from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9

My sweet Savior. You forgive, forgave, and are forgiving. You cleansed, clean, and are cleaning. You were, are and will always be faithful and just. It is to You, for You and by You that I confess my sins...that I am cleansed from all unrighteousness...that I may stand before you someday and you will open your arms up to me.

You forgave me. You will forgive me. Even now, you are forgiving me. And you see me as clean, pure, lovely. I don't deserve this. I don't understand this...but Your word says it is true. It says that You cast my sins as far as the east is from the west...You blot them out and remember them no more. Jesus, what do I do with this information? Father, how do I account for this in my life? My Lord, Savior, and Redeemer...how can I take this forgiveness and show those around me Your Love through it? Through what You have done for me?

Then Peter came to Him and said,
"Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?
Up to seven times?"

Jesus said to him,
"I do not say to you, up to seven times,
but up to seventy times seven.

Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, 'Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.' Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.

"But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, 'Pay me what you owe!' So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.' And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?' And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.

"So My heavenly Father also
will do to you if each of you,
from his heart,
does not forgive his brother his trespasses."
Matt 18:21-35

Lord, I am that servant, huh? So quick to beg your forgiveness and so quick to rejoice at the new life You so freely offer me...but so fast to turn and become that futile and greedy human again. So willing to accept your gift but not reciprocate it. I don't have to understand it. I don't have to know why You ask these things of me. I don't even have to "feel" it.

But I know that I have to be obedient.

I know Truth.

I know You and You have forgiven me so much.

And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors...
For if you forgive men their trespasses,
your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
But if you do not forgive men their trespasses,
neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."
Matt 6:12, 14-15

Ok, Lord. You've already done Your part. Will you do mine now, too? "My whole life is crucified, it's no longer I...." I'm never going to be ready to step into this. Me, myself...will never be any better than that selfish servant...

So, Lord, will you continue to write my script?...and will You make sure to write this part out--soon? I'm ready for it, Lord. I'm ready to see what You want to make of it. How you want to place me in Your Story.

Make it a good one. Make this scene beautiful. Make people smile. Make people cry. This is about You. It's not about me. It's never supposed to be about me. Its supposed to be about You.

And Your forgiveness.

"The LORD will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O LORD, endures forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands." Psalm 138:8

Small...Insignificant...and perfectly wonderful.

2010-01-26T21:52:00.000-08:00

"The LORD [is] far from the wicked, But He hears the prayer of the righteous." Prov. 15:29

Today, I am thankful for the little things.

I needed to get some stuff printed and the printer decided it hated me.
I fumed, I threatened, I almost kicked it...then I prayed.
I pressed a simple button. It worked.

I needed to figured out how to make a certain document work and it needed to be finished by today.
I was confused, I was scared I wouldnt hit the deadline, I was terrified I was going to fail...then I prayed.
I googled "how to..." and the first link gave me my answer. 15 minutes later, the error sign went away.

I was given a stack of papers that needed to be printed in a certain way and I only had enough to NOT make mistakes.
The list didnt make sense, the directions didnt make sense, the papers all looked the same. I freaked out...then I prayed.
I read the "fine print" (aka...the really bold letters on the top that tell you how to decode everything else)...and everything got printed. With no mistakes.

Lord, thank you for answering the silliest of prayers. More than that, thank you for sending your Spirit to prompt us to deny our flesh that we may come to you with the silliest of prayers. Even greater than that, Lord, thank you for showing me that no prayer uttered is silly.

Psalm 16:11

2010-01-25T22:01:00.000-08:00

"You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

During Christmas time the question was asked: "What verse has stood out to you over this year? What verse do you think the Lord has used in your life?"

My answer was Psalm 16:11. It's a verse that the Lord brought me to during a period of time that He also revealed to me how gripped my life was with fear. It is a verse that He brought me to when I needed to understand the difference between the Lord's fear and the fear of things around me. 2 Tim 1:7 says "For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind." Fear...Love. Love? That is what I need to be seeking? That is what the Lord gives? Where do I find that? Lord, how do I conquer this fear in my life?

I was taken to 1 John 4:18 which says "...perfect love casts out fear..." and I believe it. The ONLY place we can find perfect love is in the Lord. The only place we can find comfort is in the Lord and the only place fear is overcome...is in perfect love. That brought me to Psalm 16:11. Where, Lord can I seek this? How can I know perfect love?

...in HIS PRESENCE. It was such a beautiful realization. I needed...wanted...desired...to be in His presence. I desired His fullness of joy. I asked Him and waiting on what His fullness of joy looked like. I waited. I asked. I entreated. I enjoyed Him in circumstance: This, Lord? Is this your joy? Is this was dwelling in your presence looks like?

Well, when I was asked that question during Christmas time, the answer as to why this verse stood out to me was so different than what I had planned on saying. It struck me...because It wasnt anything I had associated with the verse before.

I told them that the fullness of joy...being in His presence...is beyond circumstance. That despite what situation I am in, despite what circumstance the Lord puts in front of me, I should still be in His presence and in His fullness of joy. His joy is beyond circumstance and I needed to learn what it looked like to see those situations THROUGH Him, and not Him through the situations.

I look back now and see how the Lord is using my very words (or, i should say, the Spirits words through me) to encourage me and show me that He is still there, His joy is still full, and His pleasures are still abundant despite the storms and despite the circumstances. Sometimes I dont want to believe it but then i realize that I spoke it, the Spirit confirmed it...and ultimately...it is His words...and His words are Truth and for that...i will and can believe them.

I will not fear...

2010-01-18T21:52:00.000-08:00

"I called on the LORD in distress;
The LORD answered me
and set me in a broad place.
The LORD is on my side;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?
The LORD is for me among those who help me;
Therefore I shall see my desire on those who hate me.
It is better to trust in the LORD
Than to put confidence in man.
It is better to trust in the LORD
Than to put confidence in princes."
Psalm 118:5-9

Confidence: belief in one's powers or abilities, assurance (dictionary.com)
Trust: (1) a person on whom one relies; (2) reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing

Lord,

You alone are my only
...strength...
...surety...
...reliance.
Help me to trust in You.
You have set me in a broad place.
You have place people around me
Who have reached out to hold me up
In Your strength.
Thank you, Lord.
...For hearing my prayers.
...For answering my cries.
...For loving this wretched me.

Amen.

I went on a date with God today

2009-05-14T22:25:00.001-07:00

...He was such a gentleman.

We took a walk and He let me talk His ear off. He showed me how every day He brings the sun into the top of the sky to warm me, sends the wind to sweep away the dirt, brings the rain to wash everything fresh. He let me cry and He let me laugh.

He never interrupted...almost. There were a few times when He stopped me as i started complaining. He quieted me with His words of hope and words of encouragement. He listened but He also steered me in the right direction.

He gave me just.what.i.needed at the exact.time.i.needed.it. He does that, you know. Gives us His time, His love, His patience, His advice, His guidance. You know what I needed? Him. Just Him. And He willingly obliged. And I am so thankful.

so very thankful.

...When was your last date with God? Do you let Him woo you? The thing i realized today was how He is always waiting for us. He is always there, hand extended, waiting for us to take it and stroll down the...street, beach, path...with Him. He just wants to spend time with us. He wants to take us away and spend some uninterrupted time with Him.

My beloved spoke, and said to me: "Rise up, my love, my fair one, And come away...."
Song of Songs 2:10

The rain is over and gone...

2009-04-16T23:13:00.000-07:00

"Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls--Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation. The LORD God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer's feet, And He will make me walk on my high hills."

I'm pretty sure somewhere in my blogging experience I have written about this verse before. It gives me such hope and strength...

We all go through these times. Our lives have a cold and dead outer layer. We feel cut off, fruitless, even as though we failed. You look around and everything you see is dead or unyeilding. There isn't a blossom of new life, there isn't a hope for the future. When you look at the fields yeilding no food, you think "I may starve." When you see the fold and there is no flock in it you think "I'm without purpose." When the proverbial herds from your stalls are gone, you wonder where your income is going to come from...

The danger is stopping there. The danger is just reading part of that passage and going "yes, thats me. I am torn and bitter and hurt and scared." Or something along those lines. It's that initial feeling of hopelessness (think Job). But, what is so beautiful about those times in our lives is that we still have EVERYTHING to be thankful for. We still have EVERYTHING to put our hope in.

Though (things arent going my way, I had to step out of the ministry, I left my job, I dont have a place to live, I just got some bad news, I feel hopeless, I have no direction, I feel overwhelmed, I lost a loved one,...the list goes on) YET

I will rejoice in the LORD.
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The LORD God is my strength...

I was there. I went through months of feeling this way and leaning on these verses to remind me that He is the one who brings joy despite the circumstances. He is the one who gives us hope when everything we physically see is hopeless.

And the best part? This is the verse that He has brought me to:

"My beloved spoke, and said to me: rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away. For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. the flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree puts forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grapes give a good smell. Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away!"

Winter is just a season. It is a necessary season that gives the branches and the beauty of the earth a time of rest so that she can come back with full strength in the spring. You look around and see dead and cold and frozen wasteland and then, suddenly one day you see: green grass, a blossom, a singing bird. Winter is over. The dead that you stared at all season long was just a facade to the growth underneath. That hope you held onto through the dry and weary season was strengthening you from the inside so that when spring came...you would burst out into full bloom.

Isn't our God good?

"It's not fair"

2009-03-30T00:07:00.000-07:00

Now, I know we joke about this: poking fun of little kids and ourselves alike when we throw fits (lets call it like it is...tantrums). But, I'm going to be honest here, I say this to God.

This isn't one of my shining moments, but I love that I can be truly honest with the Lord and He still accepts me exactly as who I am. Yes, He grows me, and yes, He loves me through every circumstance...yet, it all starts with an "It's not fair!" type of attitude. Then He says "well, ok now Erika, now that we've gotten that out of the way...let me take you through this until you see it my way."

And, trust me, I know from experience that seeing things God's way is so much more refreshing than sitting in the proverbial corner of your mind pouting that things didn't go the way you specifically expected them to (do they ever?)

"For this reason
I bow my knees
to the Father
of our Lord Jesus Christ,..."

He is the One that we are to turn to. Regardless. Tantrum or not. confusion or not. Turn to Him...and dont just turn, bow your knees and put yourself in that place of submission to Him and His will for your life.

"...from whom the whole family
in heaven and earth is named,
that He would grant you,
according to the riches of His glory,
to be strengthened with might
through His Spirit in the inner man,..."

As we come before Him, raw and without direction...pouting, even, and unable to see the "good" in the ends or the means...it is His Spirit that strengthens us. It is His family that we are called into and it is through His abundant glory that we are able to rise up against our flesh.

"that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith;
that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
may be able to comprehend with all the saints
what [is] the width
and length
and depth
and height--
to know the love of Christ
which passes knowledge;
that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."

And as we trust that it is Him who dwells in our hearts that guides and directs us, we begin to "rest assured" that what He is doing is so much more than what we had originally wanted. It is through His Spirit we can understand (comprehend, appreciate, envision, perceive) His love. Why does He say no sometimes? Why does He change our courses and move us in a way that we don't necessarily like or wouldn't have necessarily chosen for ourselves? It is because of His LOVE for us...the Love that we are filled with-even FULLfilled with-that we may not even be able to understand. That love that is beyond knowledge but that we, through faith, know is working in us. Its for that reason alone that He changes our course and overrides our human emotions (tantrums).

"Now to Him who is able to do
exceedingly abundantly above
all that we ask or think,
according to the power that works in us,
to Him [be] glory in the church
by Christ Jesus to all generations,
forever and ever. Amen."

Ah, Lord. Thank you for taking my meager ideas and human thoughts and emotions and overriding them. Thank you for being my ALL and EVERYTHING and for knowing what I need before it becomes a thought in my mind. Thank you for cutting off my path when I try to go too far and for extending it and pushing me when I dont want to go far enough. Thank you for loving me and doing exceedingly abundantly more that what i could ever ask or think.

Thank you.
Amen.

The Lord said "no" to me. He did. And it has taken me weeks of questioning, crying, whining, and throwing tantrums to realize these things. I chose to be honest with Him and He revealed to me His heart. He let me cry out to Him and He heard me. I encourage you to be honest with your Father. "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." (James 1:17) Even if the gift isn't what you expected. Even if it's the gift of "no" remember that it is still GOOD and PERFECT because it comes from our Father.

Beautiful

2009-03-26T23:34:00.000-07:00

Here before Your altar
I am letting go of all I've held
Of every motive, of every burden
Everything that's of myself

And I just wanna wait on You, my God
I just wanna dwell on who You are

Beautiful, Beautiful
O, I am lost for more to say
Beautiful, Beautiful
O, Lord, You're beautiful to me

Here in Your presence, I am not afraid of brokenness
To wash Your feet in humble tears
O, I would be poured out 'til nothings left

And I just wanna wait on You, my God
Lord, I just wanna dwell on who You are

Beautiful, Beautiful
O, I am lost for more to say
Beautiful, Beautiful
O, Lord, You're beautiful to me

"Beautiful" by Kari Jobes

I love when I read something, talk to someone, or hear a song and think "I couldn't have or never would have said that better myself." The song above is just such an instance. I heard today (and when I say "heard" i mean that i actually listened to the lyrics) and was immediately taken into the throne room, casting every fear, thought, emotion, turmoil...before the Lord of Lords.

It's amazing that the Lord could allow us to be so relational: that another's insight into their life is exactly what you need to hear at that specific time.

Lately, I have been enjoying my times meeting with a few ladies in my life. Taking the time to go on a walk, drink a cup of coffee, meet for a bible study...all of these times have been "purely providential" in the Lord showing me His will in my life. He has been using these women to reveal to me what is truly important: what is truly necessary to focus on and what needs to be tossed to the wayside and left there.

When I go on walks on Monday afternoon, He shows me how being real and truthful with a friend is refreshing. He shows me how, when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable with those that the Lord puts in our lives, He blesses us with friends who can truly know you and hold you accountable.

"As iron sharpens iron,
So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend."
Prov 27:17

When I drink coffee on Tuesday mornings, He reveals to me how truly relational I am. He lets me know that it's OK to not have the answers but that He calls us to listen to His voice and respond. He wants us to sharpen the countenance of our friends and challenge each other to be more that what we are right now. He wants us to reach beyond what we think we can be into what He wants us to be. Sanctification. He challenges me to put others before me and then blesses me with such amazing insight into His plans for me. Then He tells me to calm down, trust in Him, and...

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

And when I meet for bible study, even when I am tired and distracted, His word does NOT return void. Even when my eyes are too tired to stay open, His word washes me clean and challenges me to draw closer to Him:

"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ..." 2 Corinthians 10:3-5

How are you challenged? Who is your walking buddy, coffee 'mate', and bible study partner? How does the Lord use people in your life? Are you willing to be vulnerable with those that the Lord has put in your life? Are you willing to let yourself be real and honest? Who has the Lord put before you?

In the book of Esther, Mordecai challenges Esther with these words: "Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for [such] a time as this?" (Esther 4:14)

I ask you the same question: who knows whether you have been brought into someone elses life...who knows who the Lord has brought into your life...for such a time as this?

"Make good choices!"

2009-03-02T22:54:00.001-08:00

I was challenged by a bible study I am doing (A Woman of Excellence) to truly listen to what the Lord was showing me and following His voice. The whole chapter was on obedience. The author, Cynthia Heald, writes "obedience is submission, habitually yielding to authority." She points out how we are always given the choice. The Lord is never slack in showing us the right way, pointing out the right path, leading us with the right directions...yet do we follow, listen, submit...obey?

All these little things started coming to mind: those time where you hear in the back of your head "you shouldnt be doing this..." yet you continue in what you are doing? Those moments when you know you are fuming with unrighteous anger and are telling yourself "just stop and give it to the Lord. Pray. Get into the Word." and yet, you continue to seeth? That moment when you choose to (watch a movie. watch tv.listen to music.go hang out with friends.go shopping.stare-at-a-wall.surf the internet.watch a youtube video.fill your time with unnecessary busyness) instead of (pray.read the word.enjoy fellowship.have a good quiet time.study.wash the dishes.do laundry.clean your room.work.enjoy family)? I know i'm not the only one.

So check out this parable. I had never read it before...or atleast not with the idea of obedience underlying within it:

"But what do you think?
A man had two sons, and he came to the first
and said, 'Son, go, work today in my vineyard.'
He answered and said, 'I will not,' but afterward
he regretted it and went.
The he came to the second and said likewise.
And he answered and said, 'I go, sir,'
but he did not go.
Which of the two did the will of his father?"
Matt 21:28-31a

Lord, forgive me for those times that I do not make good choices with my time, resources, and life. Forgive me for telling You that I will do your will and then foolishly turn and do otherwise. Give me the humility to turn from my ways and seek solace in your arms. Thank You for Your mercy when I recognize my willful disobedience and seek to change my ways. Father, when I hear Your voice, may I be bold and brave enough to listen and do according to your will. When I am given the choice, as you so graciously lay them out in front of me, give me Your Spirit to guide my actions. Thank you, Lord, for choosing me. Thank you for choosing to have a relationship with me and for giving me the chance to work in Your vineyard. Amen.

A bit of encouragement. I have humbly realized that when I try to "do good" on my own, nothing good comes out of it. I end up drained and worse off than when I made my resolve. There is nothing good in us that can help us be a blessing for the Lord. It is Him living in us that causes us to make any kind of "good choice" in our lives. It is our willful surrender to His Spirit that gives us a fighting chance to choose the right answer...go in the right direction...be led down the right path.

Philippians 2:13 says "...for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure."

He is the one doing the moving in us. He is the one giving us the chance to change. And get this...He does it for His good pleasure. He gives us the will to obey...so that He can delight in us! How amazing is that?

A little bit more:

How many times have I said "make good choices!" (to you, maybe?) with the intention of using a cliched quote to brighten one's day...get a smile...but never with the thought that that person would actually truly listen to me and "make good choices?"

I never thought I would find those words profound. Or even use them as an exhortment in my own life. I mean, how often have you gone through your life using some catch phrase without stopping to think about how it affects your own life? Hmm..well, for me, that all changed with this bible study. I realized how much I need to take into account the words that i say to others and truly live them out in my life. For me, it was being obedient to the Lord in the choices i make....what is it for you?

What choices is the Lord asking you to make this week?

Hello again...

2009-01-25T23:11:00.000-08:00

It's been a while. Sort of. You might say its only been 10 minutes since my last blog. But, well, to be honest, that blog was written quite a long time ago and I *whoops* forgot to post it! =)

When I originally began "blogging" my heart behind it all was to post devotions, encouragements, exhortations, and the like with the intent to edify those who read it (I know there are at least 5 of you...).

When I wrote those blogs down \/ there, I wrote from personal encouragement, growth, and struggle. My intent all along was to be real. It still is my intent.

But it seems that every time I have thought about what to "blog" about recently, all I think is "i've got nothing." And that's really been bothering me...is the Lord not moving in my life? Is He not revealing Himself to me? What is holding me back?

Hah...oh, wait. Its me, isn't it? Isn't that always the case? The bible says: "Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you." Deut. 31:6. God doesn't leave us. He never stops moving in my life. Heck, He never stops moving my life! He consistently reveals Himself to me and His love for me is never failing. So what is the key ingredient missing?

...My reaction.

Why have I had "nothing" recently? Why has it been that I haven't had anything to write about? I feel like the Lord has shown me this: I haven't been reacting to His Word. I haven't been allowing Him to come into my "sheltered existence" and truly begin to tear away at my flesh. Or, maybe I've just been too scared and intimidated at what might happen if I let Him in...

He is offering me something bigger than a mansion, more tasty than a chocolate cake, more valuable than a diamond, and warmer than a down comforter. He is offering me communion with Him and it is up to me to accept it. I have His eternal and unending promise of salvation. Do I want a life of communion with Him? A chance for Him to shine His Light into my darkness and allow that light to chase out the things that are clinging to the hidden corners of my darkened heart?

Hmm.

So there is my heart. Yes, the Lord is prying my heart open yet again. No, I dont feel as fragile as I did three/four months ago. Yes, I know the Lord is loving and forgiving and able to break through my poorly wrought facades day after day. No, I dont compare Jesus with chocolate (atleast, not fairly). and, YES, I'm finally ready to be vulnerable again with the Lord.

Here I am, on my knees,
giving you glory.
Take this gift of my praise,
Lord take all of me.
Speak to my heart,
I am listening.

Lord, show me...(pt 2)

2008-11-12T22:12:00.000-08:00

...how to love mercy

He has shown you,
O man,
what is good;
And what does the LORD require of you
but to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?

To love mercy? Lord, you require this of me? You require that I love mercy? LOVE it? As in, can't stop thinking about it, acting in it's best interest, putting it before other things and people in my life? As in unconditionally, patiently, kindly, without regard to what it may look like to others? You want me to love it?

How?

"He has shown you..."

You did? Like when you called us to turn the other cheek? Like when you allowed Saul (Paul) to be saved? Like that time that you gave your life for us, hung there on the cross, and allowed yourself to be humiliated and tortured...to spend eternity with me? WITH ME? Are you sure you have the right girl?

I don't think I can do this, Lord. You want me to love mercy? Do justly? Walk humbly?

Lord, show me...

Lord, show me...Pt. 1

2008-09-28T22:23:00.001-07:00

...mercy

"Now it happened , as Jesus sat at the table in the house, that behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and sat down with Him and His disciples. And when the Pharisees say it, they said to His disciples, "Why does your Teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?" When Jesus heard that, He said to them, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice.' For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." Matthew 9:9-13

Jesus told these men--Pharisees--to go and learn what this means: "I desire mercy and not sacrifice." Do you think they went...and studied? Matthew 12:6-8 shows us what happened when Jesus, Himself, turns to these same Pharisees in a grain field and, after they accuse Him of not obeying the Sabbath rules, says:

"Yet I say to you that in this place there is One greater than the temple. But if you had known what this means, "I desire mercy and not sacrifice, you would not have condemned the guiltless. For the Son of Man is Lord even of the Sabbath."

...this leads me to believe that they did NOT take to heart Jesus' exhortation to "go and learn..."

Jesus, the Great Teacher, gave His "students" a task...some homework, even...and they chose to let the dog eat it. What would they have found out if they had done their homework? What would they have discovered about the beautiful grace and mercy of our Lord?

....well, I can't tell you that. Because these men, who loved the law more that their Lord, chose to disregard His task. They chose to turn away and trust their own strength and laws. I can't tell you what they found out, but I can begin to show you what My Savior has been showing me. I can tell you that as I sat there, humbled, at the amount of times that I don't obey His voice, I gained the ability to fall on my face and ask Him to show me what it means...what HE means when He tells these men that He desires "mercy and not sacrifice."

I can also tell you that He's not done showing me. Every day is something new. Every day my eyes are being opened even more:

Mercy, as defined by dictionary.com:
(this is what He desires)

1.	compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, an enemy, or other person in one's power; compassion, pity, or benevolence: Have mercy on the poor sinner.

2.	the disposition to be compassionate or forbearing: an adversary wholly without mercy.

3.	the discretionary power of a judge to pardon someone or to mitigate punishment, esp. to send to prison rather than invoke the death penalty.

4.	an act of kindness, compassion, or favor: She has performed countless small mercies for her friends and neighbors.

5.	something that gives evidence of divine favor; blessing: It was just a mercy we had our seat belts on when it happened.

Sacrifice, as defined by the same:
(this is what He does NOT desire)

1.	the offering of animal, plant, or human life or of some material possession to a deity, as in propitiation or homage.

2.	the person, animal, or thing so offered.

3.	the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim.

4.	the thing so surrendered or devoted.

5.	a loss incurred in selling something below its value.

to desire:
–verb (used with object)

1.	to wish or long for; crave; want.

2.	to express a wish to obtain; ask for; request: The mayor desires your presence at the next meeting.

–noun

3.	a longing or craving, as for something that brings satisfaction or enjoyment: a desire for fame.

He has shown you, O man, what is good;

And what does the LORD require of you

But to do justly,

To love mercy,

And to walk humbly with your God?
Micah 6:8

Bondage?

2008-07-29T22:15:00.000-07:00

From the book of Nahum:

What the Lord does to His enemies:

avenge
His fury will be poured out like fire
He will throw rocks down on them
darkness will pursue them
He will put and end to conspiracies
It only takes one time for the Lord to fully tear it away.

Who are the LORD's enemies?

"The LORD has given a command concerning you:

Your name shall be perpetuated no longer.

Out of the house of your gods

I will cut off the carved image and the molded image.

I will dig your grave,

For you are vile." Nahum 1:14

The Lord wants to set us free from our enemies. The enemies of the Lord are those things that place His people in bondage. I will remind you here: you are a child of God. A father will NOT stand by and watch His child suffer. He cannot sit and see His child hurt. He WILL rescue them! YOUR enemies are the Lord's enemies and if those enemies are holding you in bondage (as many enemies of Israel did), you can be assured that the Lord wants to rescue you from them!

What is keeping you...putting you...in bondage?

Bondage ensnares and entraps us. It keeps us from the freedom we have in Christ. Let me challenge you to do something. Take a minute, pray that the Lord gives you complete honestly, then open your eyes and honestly write down your answers to these questions.

What causes me to groan? (Exodus 2:23)
What am i fearful of? (Romans 8:15)
What tries to subject me? (Galatians 2:4)
What are doctrines of false brothers that i believe? (Galatians 2:4)
What is the opposite of liberty? (Galatians 2:4)
What is born of the flesh? (Galatians 4:24)
What yoke is entangling me? (Galatians 5:1)
What subjects me by a fear of death? (Hebrews 2:15)
What is overcoming me? (2 Peter 2:19)
What is deceiving me? (2 Peter 2:19)

Now look at this list. These things are holding you in bondage. These things...people...feelings...thoughts...actions...reactions...are the bondage that is keeping you from experiencing the pure freedom in Christ.

Reading through Nahum and recognizing that God's enemies are those things that keep His people in bondage...lets go a step further. Those things you wrote down? Those are God's enemies. Those things are the direct antithesis of who are Beloved is and where our Beloved wants us.

*BUT REMEMBER* read the beginning of this devotion. What does the Lord do to His enemies?

*NOW* read Nahum 1:1-6. Find comfort that that is what our Father wants to do with your bondage. Read the next verse. (Verse 7). Here is the challenge: do you trust the Lord?

Find comfort in these words. Know that the Lord wants to utterly destroy your enemies. your bondage. Read a step further.

Nahum 1:15 "Behold, on the mountains

The feet of him who brings good tidings,

Who proclaims peace!

O Judah, keep your appointed feasts,

Perform your vows.

For the wicked one shall no more pass through you;

He is utterly cut off."

Know this. If you go away from this remembering one thing. remember this: God wants to fight your battles for you! He commands His people, Judah, to keep their appointed feasts...to perform their vows. He doesn't need our help fighting our bondage. He will do it. All we have to do is sit and obey. Rest in the commandments the Lord has given us. Find comfort that the LORD GOD is in your midst...

The Mighty One, will save;

He will rejoice over you with gladness,

He will quiet you with His love,

He will rejoice over you with singing." (Zeph 3:17)

To ACT OUT Psalm 37:3-7....(read below)

It is well with my soul...

2008-07-24T16:25:00.000-07:00

"Trust in the Lord, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass.

He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
And your justice as the noonday.

Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him..."

Psalm 37

more later...

7/29/08 (i think)

I decided not to expound on this verse. It is merely a verse that the Lord has been using in my life and one that He has called me to live out. To me, this scripture doesn't need any explanation. It speaks volumes to my heart and to add any more would take away from the glorious way the Lord is speaking to me.

Trust, do good, dwell, feed, delight, commit, trust, rest, wait patiently...

May the words of my mouth...

2008-07-08T22:23:00.000-07:00

"I hate, I despise your feast days. And I do not savor your sacred assemblies. Though you offer Me burnt offerings and your grain offerings, I will not accept them, nor will I regard your fattened peace offerings. Take away from me the noise of your songs, for I will not hear the melody of your stringed instruments. But let justice run down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream." Amos 5:21-24

Have you ever just gone through the motions? Stood up in church, sang to songs, sat down, bowed your head in prayer, opened your eyes, opened your bibles...said amen? Trust me...I know we all have. This scripture stood out to me in my quiet time because I thought about the many feast days, sacred assemblies, offerings, and songs that I have attempted to bring to the Lord. How many have been despised? How many were offered without a pure heart?

Oh LORD, what is a pure heart? Father, how may I know what you hate and what you love? When I offer things to you, are they accepted?

"Who can understand his errors? Cleanse me from secret faults. Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me. Then I shall be blameless, and I shall be innocent of great transgression. Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my Strength and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:12-14

Only the Lord can cleanse us to purity. Only He can overwhelm our souls to the place of Godly sacrifice. Only our Savior is big enough to make us blameless of our great transgression. Only He knows our hearts...why not ask Him to dig into the depths of it and pull out what is in there, that he may refine it and make it His?

"Search me, o God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139: 23-24

God, search me! Search out my wicked ways and lead me away from them! What of my offerings to you are not done with a broken and contrite heart? What of my actions, my 'rituals' are not done of a pure conscience? Reveal to me those ways of the flesh and restore a righteous, repentant, clean, acceptable attitude of giving, praise, and thanksgiving.

What does the Lord want from us? What causes His heart to rejoice? What of our sacrifices please Him? Are they found in our actions? Or is it something deeper?

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit. A broken and a contrite heart - these, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:17

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God which is your reasonable service." Romans 12:1

God's Word...

2008-06-23T11:57:00.000-07:00

Is living, powerful, sharp, piercing, discerning (Hebrews 4:12)
Is what we are to live by (Deut. 8:3)
Is in our mouths and in our hearts (Deut. 30:14)
Is hidden in our heart (Psa 119:11)
Has given us life (Psa 119:50)
Is a lamp and a light (Psa 119:105)
Is pure (Prov 30:5)
Stands forever (Isa 40:8)
Is spoken in righteousness (Isa 45:23)

I have been truly humbled this week thinking about the weightiness of God's words and what they mean to me. It started last monday on my way to Disneyland when I saw a billboard that said "R U A Rockaholic?" It got me thinking: 20 years ago, that same company, same ad agency, same billboard, would have read "Do you really like rock music?" or "Are you addicted to rock music?" Have we cheapened words so much that we cannot even write full sentences? I know I am the same way (trying to get better!) "TXT", "IM", "EMAIL" I, for the most part, don't even go back and change my "I's" to upper case, or add the apostrophe when it is needed (with the exception of this blog...sometimes). We try to think of the quickest, easiest, most "opportune" times to give information. We are in the information age. We are overloaded with information but it has all become so cheapened. Admit it, how many of you have had a "heated conversation" over text...email...instant messaging? Do we need so many electronics...so little communication (the old fashioned eye-to-eye, voice tonality, type)? DO U TXT LIKE THIS? R U A TXTER?

I sat there pondering this whole age of communication and this whole age of convenience and couldnt help but think of the Lord and His way of communicating with us. I thought about His choice of words, His true timing, even the timing of His silences. I began to ponder at language and the importance of language, the way a person relishes in, dwells upon, ponders what another says about them, to them, around them. Words are weighty. And like everything else is the world, the enemy is trying to take the weight off. He is trying to get us to think that our communication would be better if it were slimmed down more.

Then as I brought up the idea with a friend, we started talking about the power of language from the beginning. Tower of Babel anyone? (Genesis 11? I think) The enemy used language to get mankind to form together, thinking they could be like God. At that point, the universal language became a catalyst for sin. It became something that tore people away from God. So God gave us all different languages. He scattered us about and let us communicate differently. TO BRING US CLOSER TO HIM. And now, so many thousands of years later, the enemy is now using that to separate us even more. To cheapen the language God gave us to bring us closer to Him and farther from our flesh...and use it to make us non-communicative hermits in our flesh. We have gone from one extreme to another.

But again, think of God's words to us. Hebrews 1:1-3 says that God spoke to us by prophets, angels, and (most importantly) Jesus Christ. His words are all around us. Romans 1 talks of nature speaking us his love for us and singing his praises. Jesus himself says that the rocks would cry out if we did not. But God's words, themselves, are so important. Do we give them enough weight in our lives? Do we allow God to use us to speak His words? I'm still pondering this idea. I'm still in awe at how the Lord has impressed upon my heart the importance of communication: first with Him, second with others.

Proverbs 12:25 says "Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad."

Do your words to others calm anxieties and make them glad?

And Isaiah 50:4 says "The Lord God has given Me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him who is weary. He awakens Me morning by morning, He awakens My ear to hear as the learned."

May our ears be awakened by the same Spirit who dwells in Him that we should hear His Word and speak it. That we wouldn't shy away from, but dwell on, His words.

I pray my nonsense makes sense through the Spirit...

A walk through Hosea

2008-06-10T17:25:00.000-07:00

"Who is wise? Let him understand these things. Who is prudent? Let him know them. For the ways of the Lord are right; The righteous walk in them, but transgressors stumble in them."
Hosea 14:9

Will you listen to the ways of the Lord? Will you understand His wisdom? None are righteous on their own, but through the Lord we are deemed righteous. We are washed clean, without a blemish because of the act our Savior did for us on the cross. He has done so much for us. But, what have we done for Him? Are we foolish in our ways? Where have the transgression taken root? Do we seek after things that are not of the Lord?

"For their mother has played the harlot;
she who conceived them has behaved shamefully.
For she said; 'I will go after my lovers,
Who give me my bread and my water,
My wool and my linen,
My oil and my drink."
Hosea 2:5

You have a God who loves you so much. Listen to His heart for you. His heart for your relationship with Him:

"I will betroth you to Me forever;
Yes, I will betroth you to Me
In righteousness and justice,
In loving kindness and mercy;
I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness,
and you shall know the Lord."
Hosea 2:19-20

Have you been able to enjoy that relationship with the Lord? Do you glory in your betrothed? Rejoice in the One who seeks you out? It is only with acceptance of this betrothal can you begin to enjoy the fruit of the relationship. He is waiting. He is offering. He is a gentleman, waiting for your answer.

"Sow for yourself righteousness;
Reap in mercy;
Break up your fallow ground,
For it is time to seek the Lord,
Till He comes and rains righteousness on you."
Hosea 10:12

See what the Lord's love for us looks like:

"I taught Ephraim to walk,
Taking them by their arms;
But they did not know that I healed them.
I drew them with gentle cords,
With bands of love,
And i was to them as those who take the yoke from their neck.
I stooped and fed them.
Hosea 11:4

As i meditated on these verses today, seeking and hearing the Word of the Lord, i was overwhelmed with His love for us. Tough love is the hardest love to give. It is the one that hurts the most, does the most damage, and takes the longest to heal. Tough love is like tough candy. It has to be soften, chewed, gnawed on in order to swallow. It may not seem like love at all, to the receiver. But the outcome is always so beautiful. It is always the "worth" of the actions. To give tough love shows the depth, width, height, and length of God's love for us. It hurts Him to have to give us up to our adulterous and harlot ways. It pains Him to see us choose others (people and things) before Him. But He, being the gentleman, desires that we want Him in return. He will pursue us, he will rescue us from ourselves as well as our despair and sins and trespasses when we cry out to Him. He will NOT force our betrothal. That is up to you. To me, even. Will you consider a betrothal to the Holy of Holies? To the Adonai, Abba, Savior of your life? Trust me, he won't give you up without a fight. He will pursue you and you will be the pursued. He is your One True Love.

"How can I give you up, Ephraim?
How can I hand you over, Israel?
How can I make you like Admah?
How can I set you like Zeboiim?
My heart churns within Me;
My sympathy is stirred.
I will not execute the fierceness of My anger;
I will not again destroy Ephraim.
For I am God, and not man,
The Holy One in your midst;
And I will not come with terror."
Hosea 11:8-9

Seeking after Him

2008-06-07T00:23:00.000-07:00

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:33-34

What is on your mind right now? What is seeking out your attention, pooling all your energy? Is there something weighing heavy on your heart? Something that cannot be taken care of immediately? Maybe where you will live in a month? How your best friend may react to your exhortation? Where next months car payment may come from? How you will be able to pay for that dr's bill you know is coming up? How in the world you are going to have "that conversation"? How much you weigh, what you are making for dinner, what you are going to wear tomorrow....the list could go on.

May i plead with you to stop? Stop listening to yourself. Stop making lists in your mind. Stop trying to figure out those details and trying to make these things all figure correctly in your life. Please. Just stop.

Thank you. Now with all that extra time you have, i encourage you to "seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness." after all, that is what HE told us to do, right?

Joy

2008-06-04T11:27:00.000-07:00

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified."

Isaiah 61:1-3

I lead a bible study of high school girls every monday night with a friend, Sarah. Not too long ago, we encouraged our girls to "be a tree." This 'stemmed' from Psalm 1:3 that says, "He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper." We encouraged our girls to constantly be near their "food source", the Word of God, and to let their lives be a witness to those around them by the fruit that they produce.
This verse from Isaiah takes that encouragement a little further. It tells us that we are to be called trees of righteousness:

How? By accepting the gifts the Lord has given us?
What gifts? How i read it is that God, through His Son Jesus Christ, wants to give to us these amazing things: beauty, joy, praise. He wants us to be flooded with these things by His power and might.
When? When we accept that Jesus DIED for us, released us from the bondage in our life that so easily ensnares us, and ask for his forgiveness.
Why? "That He might be glorified." What more of a reason can we ask? We become beautiful trees of righteousness, planted by streams of flowing water (drinking up the Holy Spirit) by ACCEPTING these gifts that he wants to give us. All so that He can be glorified.

Can you accept that? Will you? What is going through your mind right now? Are you mourning? Do you feel defiled, burned, full of ash? What is weighing heavy on your heart? Can you accept that the Lord has come to release you from this bondage? To heal you? To set you free? To comfort and console you?

Do you desire to be called a tree of righteousness? Release whatever you are holding onto, and let the Lord plant you by His streams of living water.

And may your life glorify the Lord.

Dear Erika

2008-05-08T23:14:00.001-07:00

You suck. Or at least that is what the blogger-boss said to me today. It was basically because i had "created" this blog but didn't post anything. Ha. I didn't really know what to post. (secret: i still don't). So anyways, i had created the blog and then just left it there, hoping that i would get inspired. Inspired to say something...well...inspirational.

It still hasn't come yet.

So while i sat there trying to figure out what my first "inspirational" blog would be, i got this email that says (loosely paraphrased) "dear new blogger, we pretty much think you created this blog to spam other bloggers and we are putting you on blog probation. You suck!"

Apparently my blog-boss doesn't have the time to wait for inspiration. And apparently it wasnt necessary for me to wait for inspiration. Because God will give it to me. Because this blog isnt about me. Its about Him. Oh, and they took me off probation.

So here goes:

"Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble." Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:5-7

I would humbly like to submit myself to you. I ask that you would keep me accountable to keeping this blog about the Lord. Never about me. Ever. My prayer is that God would use me, my life, my "whatever", to honor Him and that, whoever you are, when you read this blog, you would be inspired by the Holy Spirit. To share His love, to share His wisdom, to serve others and to clothe yourself with humility before one another.

I dont care if i have a typo and i dont care if what i say doesnt "sit right" with you. My only concern is that my words would come from the Word of God and that He would use them as He sees fit. I want to be His vessel. I want my words to "sit right" in light of the Word. In light of Jesus Christ.

Because I love Him.