New Mercies

I wrote this poem from an overflowed prayer. I was trying to put words to why I felt ill-equipped to be a missionary. Why I felt ill-equipped to be praying for revival here in Scotland, knowing that the impression to pray for it is so strongly felt in my heart that I can't expect to pray and not be moved to action by it. I confess that I've struggled to get on my knees to pray for the Spirit to move as He has in bygone years because I am scared of what He may call me to do. How selfish can I be?

This poem is an attempt to come to terms with the fact that it has nothing to do with how I feel, or what I am comfortable with. My flesh with always battle with the Spirit and my thoughts will always battle with my prayers. What matters is Jesus. What He has done for us, what He is doing in us, what He chooses to do through us. Our imperfection is at its greatest when we think that we cannot be used by the One who not only created us, but made us in His image. Our lives are the most useless when we convince ourselves of this lie. 

I don't have a conclusion...I'm not even sure this poem is finished yet. But I do know that I will always feel ill-equipped yet, in His infinite wisdom, He still chooses to use me. He still chooses to rejoice over me with singing, call me His beloved, send me out to share His Gospel, be His child...I am so unworthy to be loved by a God so amazing! 

New Mercies

You are my first love; You rejoice over me and call me

To You as you awaken me and remind me that

The portrait of who I am is made in

Your image.

You ask me to love you with all of my heart, 

You call me to serve and honor you

Completely, with a joyful and reckless

Abandon.

Yet, when the morning dawns, and mercies are new

Like the sun pouring over the horizon

Its dance across the sky mingles with

My flesh.

As the dance continues, I see myself fall into step

With old habits and thoughts that do not uplift

But tear down and leave a path of shadowed

Regret.

And when the sun’s dance sets, I am left in wonder that 

You would daily love this imperfect mess, 

the one who so willingly turns from You to

The world.

I am comforted by Your words, written on my heart as a 

Brazen promise of restoration. I am encouraged

by Your peace that strengthens me to remember 

Your mercies.

You have given me the only True Salvation that takes me 

From death and darkness to life and Light. Your body

was broken that I might awaken to Your love and 

Your grace.

And in those times I look at sunset and not sunrise, reminded

That I have come from so dark a place, it is Your Son

that shines brightly as the morning dawn and 

Awakens me. 

Your gentle calling never fails to turn my ears 

To your voice. I am captivated by the whisper

Of avid concern: a command as personal as

A love letter.

Because You are my first love; You rejoice over me and call me

To You as you awaken me and remind me that

The portrait of who I am is made in

Your image.

I cry to you and ask to let these words, this song, this psalm 

May my heart be words poured out as a prayer 

As worship and praise, adoration and

Overwhelming love.

My plea.

My hope.

My heartbeat.

My change.

AW Tozer Quote

I've been reading The Pursuit of God the past few days. It's a book I started years ago...and one I never finished. As I read it last night, I kept coming back to this quote (among other ones). So often I see God as just words on a page and not as the Person He truly is. My prayer last night was for Him to open my mind, will, and emotions to His voice, that I would better know Him and hear Him communicating with me. 

Scatter.

Two things struck me yesterday that ended up becoming a small theme of reflection.

First, I got to share the parable of the Sower and the Seeds with two young boys at Sunday School. It was a story that came up last minute simply because we don't generally have children that come to our small church and, when they do sporadically come, I have a few things up my sleeve I know I can share with them.  This parable was easy-peasy, understandable and relatable...and something I wouldn't have to spend a lot of time "studying for." Perfect.

But, of course, God's word is powerful and living (Hebrews 4:12) and the minute I started sharing it with the kids (from memory), He started showing me what was in it for my personal application.

A sower went out to sow his seed.

Sow seeds. That was the only thing that this sower was responsible for. He wasn't responsible for where the seeds were sown, how the seeds grew, what kind of fruit that seed bears. He just simply went out to sow seeds...knowing that what happened after he did his job would be the work of nature.

The seed is the word of God.

I am to sow God's word. This is my calling as put forth by the Great Commission in Matthew 28. "Go...make disciples..."This is my responsibility. I am not responsible for picking and choosing where I sow God's word, or how it affects the people to whom I share it with. I am simply called to sow. To scatter His seed. This doesn't mean I pick and choose. Who am I to look at one person and think "oh, they're probably like the thorny ground" or "the birds of the air are going to eat these seeds, better not..."

Years ago, I helped a friend of mine plant her garden. We took handfuls of seeds and planted them and I recall her saying something along the lines of "plant as many seeds as you can. Some of them wont grow, but the more you plant, the more chance you have of getting a fruitful garden." Scatter those seeds! It is my pleasure to sow as many seeds as possibly, knowing that His job is to cultivate the good soil to receive it. His job is to grow the seed into bountiful fruit. His job is to feed and water it.

How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? 

And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? 

And how shall they hear without a preacher? 

Romans 10:14 NKJV

So, who scatters? 

Secondly, in the evening service I attended, we were studying Joshua 8. Among other points in the sermon, a challenge was put forth over the question of "who?" Who is called to do the work of the Lord?

Take all the people of war with you.

In this chapter, the whole army was called forth to go to battle against Ai. It wasn't just a small group of people (they tried that...it didn't work). It was everyone. They were to act as a full army, not as just one small company.

Who? all of us. Doing the Lord's work isn't just for ministers, pastors, church workers, bible study leaders, missionaries, etc. The Lord's work is for the body of Christ...of which, if you are a professed believer in Jesus Christ, born again through the acceptance of His death on the cross and resurrection three days later, you are a part of that body.

For as the body is one 

and has many members, 

but all the members of that one body, 

being many, 

are one body, 

so also is Christ. 

1 Corinthians 12:12 NKJV

Be a part of the body, beloved brothers and sisters.

Be a part of the army marching forth and claiming victory for Christ.

Know who our captain is.

It is the Holy Spirits's job to bring conviction.

It is the Lord's job to bring salvation.

It is our pleasure to share His gospel.

Reflecting the Son: A Small Musing

"You are the light of the world.
A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden.
Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket,
but on a lampstand,
and it gives light to all who are in the house.
Let your light so shine before men,
that they may see your good works
and glorify your Father in heaven.
Mathew 5:14-16 NKJV

I've heard it said more times than I can count that we are to be like the moon. The moon shines only because of the light from the sun that it reflects. (source)

What a great reminder! We are to be as the moon: reflecting the Son of God, Jesus Christ (through the Holy Spirit) and shine light into the darkness.

But what about the times we don't "function properly"?

Tonight, my pastor spoke about it from the point of eclipses. Defined from google, an eclipse is: an obscuring of the light from one celestial body by the passage of another between it and the observer or between it and its source of illumination.

A Lunar Eclipse happens when the sun, earth, and moon align, with the earth in the middle.

A Solar Eclipse is when they align, but the moon is in the middle. Both affect the reflection and illumination of light.

If we were to think about what that means in relation to our lives, we have two different types of eclipses: when we obscure others from the Light of Christ (solar eclipse)...and when others obscure us from His Light (lunar eclipse).

My encouragement to you is this: reflect the Son every day, letting your light "so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in Heaven." (Matthew 5:16)

If you stand in the way of others seeing Christ, the focus is on you and not on Him.

If you let the world, and the stresses and distractions of it get in the way of your relationship with Christ, then your priorities are still not in order.

If you see that you're eclipsing, get realigned with the Lord in a way that He is fully reflected in your life.
Get into His Word.
Confess your sin.
Pray.
Seek fellowship.
Keep your eyes focused on Him.

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded 

by so great a cloud of witnesses, 

let us lay aside every weight, 

and the sin which so easily ensnares us, 

and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 

looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, 

who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, 

despising the shame, and has sat down 

at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:1-2 NKJV