Monday, January 26, 2009

Hello again...

It's been a while. Sort of. You might say its only been 10 minutes since my last blog. But, well, to be honest, that blog was written quite a long time ago and I *whoops* forgot to post it! =)

When I originally began "blogging" my heart behind it all was to post devotions, encouragements, exhortations, and the like with the intent to edify those who read it (I know there are at least 5 of you...).

When I wrote those blogs down \/ there, I wrote from personal encouragement, growth, and struggle. My intent all along was to be real. It still is my intent.

But it seems that every time I have thought about what to "blog" about recently, all I think is "i've got nothing." And that's really been bothering the Lord not moving in my life? Is He not revealing Himself to me? What is holding me back?

Hah...oh, wait. Its me, isn't it? Isn't that always the case? The bible says: "Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you." Deut. 31:6. God doesn't leave us. He never stops moving in my life. Heck, He never stops moving my life! He consistently reveals Himself to me and His love for me is never failing. So what is the key ingredient missing?

...My reaction.

Why have I had "nothing" recently? Why has it been that I haven't had anything to write about? I feel like the Lord has shown me this: I haven't been reacting to His Word. I haven't been allowing Him to come into my "sheltered existence" and truly begin to tear away at my flesh. Or, maybe I've just been too scared and intimidated at what might happen if I let Him in...

He is offering me something bigger than a mansion, more tasty than a chocolate cake, more valuable than a diamond, and warmer than a down comforter. He is offering me communion with Him and it is up to me to accept it. I have His eternal and unending promise of salvation. Do I want a life of communion with Him? A chance for Him to shine His Light into my darkness and allow that light to chase out the things that are clinging to the hidden corners of my darkened heart?


So there is my heart. Yes, the Lord is prying my heart open yet again. No, I dont feel as fragile as I did three/four months ago. Yes, I know the Lord is loving and forgiving and able to break through my poorly wrought facades day after day. No, I dont compare Jesus with chocolate (atleast, not fairly). and, YES, I'm finally ready to be vulnerable again with the Lord.

Here I am, on my knees,
giving you glory.
Take this gift of my praise,
Lord take all of me.
Speak to my heart,
I am listening.