Monday, March 30, 2009

"It's not fair"

Now, I know we joke about this: poking fun of little kids and ourselves alike when we throw fits (lets call it like it is...tantrums). But, I'm going to be honest here, I say this to God.

This isn't one of my shining moments, but I love that I can be truly honest with the Lord and He still accepts me exactly as who I am. Yes, He grows me, and yes, He loves me through every circumstance...yet, it all starts with an "It's not fair!" type of attitude. Then He says "well, ok now Erika, now that we've gotten that out of the way...let me take you through this until you see it my way."

And, trust me, I know from experience that seeing things God's way is so much more refreshing than sitting in the proverbial corner of your mind pouting that things didn't go the way you specifically expected them to (do they ever?)

"For this reason
I bow my knees
to the Father
of our Lord Jesus Christ,..."

He is the One that we are to turn to. Regardless. Tantrum or not. confusion or not. Turn to Him...and dont just turn, bow your knees and put yourself in that place of submission to Him and His will for your life.

"...from whom the whole family
in heaven and earth is named,
that He would grant you,
according to the riches of His glory,
to be strengthened with might
through His Spirit in the inner man,..."

As we come before Him, raw and without direction...pouting, even, and unable to see the "good" in the ends or the is His Spirit that strengthens us. It is His family that we are called into and it is through His abundant glory that we are able to rise up against our flesh.

"that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith;
that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
may be able to comprehend with all the saints
what [is] the width
and length
and depth
and height--
to know the love of Christ
which passes knowledge;
that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."

And as we trust that it is Him who dwells in our hearts that guides and directs us, we begin to "rest assured" that what He is doing is so much more than what we had originally wanted. It is through His Spirit we can understand (comprehend, appreciate, envision, perceive) His love. Why does He say no sometimes? Why does He change our courses and move us in a way that we don't necessarily like or wouldn't have necessarily chosen for ourselves? It is because of His LOVE for us...the Love that we are filled with-even FULLfilled with-that we may not even be able to understand. That love that is beyond knowledge but that we, through faith, know is working in us. Its for that reason alone that He changes our course and overrides our human emotions (tantrums).

"Now to Him who is able to do
exceedingly abundantly above
all that we ask or think,
according to the power that works in us,
to Him [be] glory in the church
by Christ Jesus to all generations,
forever and ever. Amen."

Ah, Lord. Thank you for taking my meager ideas and human thoughts and emotions and overriding them. Thank you for being my ALL and EVERYTHING and for knowing what I need before it becomes a thought in my mind. Thank you for cutting off my path when I try to go too far and for extending it and pushing me when I dont want to go far enough. Thank you for loving me and doing exceedingly abundantly more that what i could ever ask or think.

Thank you.

The Lord said "no" to me. He did. And it has taken me weeks of questioning, crying, whining, and throwing tantrums to realize these things. I chose to be honest with Him and He revealed to me His heart. He let me cry out to Him and He heard me. I encourage you to be honest with your Father. "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." (James 1:17) Even if the gift isn't what you expected. Even if it's the gift of "no" remember that it is still GOOD and PERFECT because it comes from our Father.


cas said...

thanks erika

Clym Yeobright said... I've been thinking about this a lot recently. Thanks.