Small...Insignificant...and perfectly wonderful.

"The LORD [is] far from the wicked, But He hears the prayer of the righteous." Prov. 15:29

Today, I am thankful for the little things.

I needed to get some stuff printed and the printer decided it hated me.
I fumed, I threatened, I almost kicked it...then I prayed.
I pressed a simple button. It worked.

I needed to figured out how to make a certain document work and it needed to be finished by today.
I was confused, I was scared I wouldnt hit the deadline, I was terrified I was going to fail...then I prayed.
I googled "how to..." and the first link gave me my answer. 15 minutes later, the error sign went away.

I was given a stack of papers that needed to be printed in a certain way and I only had enough to NOT make mistakes.
The list didnt make sense, the directions didnt make sense, the papers all looked the same. I freaked out...then I prayed.
I read the "fine print" (aka...the really bold letters on the top that tell you how to decode everything else)...and everything got printed. With no mistakes.

Lord, thank you for answering the silliest of prayers. More than that, thank you for sending your Spirit to prompt us to deny our flesh that we may come to you with the silliest of prayers. Even greater than that, Lord, thank you for showing me that no prayer uttered is silly.

Psalm 16:11

"You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

During Christmas time the question was asked: "What verse has stood out to you over this year? What verse do you think the Lord has used in your life?"

My answer was Psalm 16:11. It's a verse that the Lord brought me to during a period of time that He also revealed to me how gripped my life was with fear. It is a verse that He brought me to when I needed to understand the difference between the Lord's fear and the fear of things around me. 2 Tim 1:7 says "For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind." Fear...Love. Love? That is what I need to be seeking? That is what the Lord gives? Where do I find that? Lord, how do I conquer this fear in my life?

I was taken to 1 John 4:18 which says "...perfect love casts out fear..." and I believe it. The ONLY place we can find perfect love is in the Lord. The only place we can find comfort is in the Lord and the only place fear is overcome...is in perfect love. That brought me to Psalm 16:11. Where, Lord can I seek this? How can I know perfect love?

...in HIS PRESENCE. It was such a beautiful realization. I needed...wanted...desired...to be in His presence. I desired His fullness of joy. I asked Him and waiting on what His fullness of joy looked like. I waited. I asked. I entreated. I enjoyed Him in circumstance: This, Lord? Is this your joy? Is this was dwelling in your presence looks like?

Well, when I was asked that question during Christmas time, the answer as to why this verse stood out to me was so different than what I had planned on saying. It struck me...because It wasnt anything I had associated with the verse before.

I told them that the fullness of joy...being in His presence...is beyond circumstance. That despite what situation I am in, despite what circumstance the Lord puts in front of me, I should still be in His presence and in His fullness of joy. His joy is beyond circumstance and I needed to learn what it looked like to see those situations THROUGH Him, and not Him through the situations.

I look back now and see how the Lord is using my very words (or, i should say, the Spirits words through me) to encourage me and show me that He is still there, His joy is still full, and His pleasures are still abundant despite the storms and despite the circumstances. Sometimes I dont want to believe it but then i realize that I spoke it, the Spirit confirmed it...and ultimately...it is His words...and His words are Truth and for that...i will and can believe them.

I will not fear...

"I called on the LORD in distress;
The LORD answered me
and set me in a broad place.
The LORD is on my side;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?
The LORD is for me among those who help me;
Therefore I shall see my desire on those who hate me.
It is better to trust in the LORD
Than to put confidence in man.
It is better to trust in the LORD
Than to put confidence in princes."
Psalm 118:5-9

Confidence: belief in one's powers or abilities, assurance (dictionary.com)
Trust: (1) a person on whom one relies; (2) reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing

Lord,

You alone are my only
...strength...
...surety...
...reliance.
Help me to trust in You.
You have set me in a broad place.
You have place people around me
Who have reached out to hold me up
In Your strength.
Thank you, Lord.
...For hearing my prayers.
...For answering my cries.
...For loving this wretched me.

Amen.

I went on a date with God today

...He was such a gentleman.

We took a walk and He let me talk His ear off. He showed me how every day He brings the sun into the top of the sky to warm me, sends the wind to sweep away the dirt, brings the rain to wash everything fresh. He let me cry and He let me laugh.

He never interrupted...almost. There were a few times when He stopped me as i started complaining. He quieted me with His words of hope and words of encouragement. He listened but He also steered me in the right direction.

He gave me just.what.i.needed at the exact.time.i.needed.it. He does that, you know. Gives us His time, His love, His patience, His advice, His guidance. You know what I needed? Him. Just Him. And He willingly obliged. And I am so thankful.

so very thankful.


...When was your last date with God? Do you let Him woo you? The thing i realized today was how He is always waiting for us. He is always there, hand extended, waiting for us to take it and stroll down the...street, beach, path...with Him. He just wants to spend time with us. He wants to take us away and spend some uninterrupted time with Him.

My beloved spoke, and said to me: "Rise up, my love, my fair one, And come away...."
Song of Songs 2:10

The rain is over and gone...

"Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls--Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation. The LORD God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer's feet, And He will make me walk on my high hills."

I'm pretty sure somewhere in my blogging experience I have written about this verse before. It gives me such hope and strength...

We all go through these times. Our lives have a cold and dead outer layer. We feel cut off, fruitless, even as though we failed. You look around and everything you see is dead or unyeilding. There isn't a blossom of new life, there isn't a hope for the future. When you look at the fields yeilding no food, you think "I may starve." When you see the fold and there is no flock in it you think "I'm without purpose." When the proverbial herds from your stalls are gone, you wonder where your income is going to come from...

The danger is stopping there. The danger is just reading part of that passage and going "yes, thats me. I am torn and bitter and hurt and scared." Or something along those lines. It's that initial feeling of hopelessness (think Job). But, what is so beautiful about those times in our lives is that we still have EVERYTHING to be thankful for. We still have EVERYTHING to put our hope in.

Though (things arent going my way, I had to step out of the ministry, I left my job, I dont have a place to live, I just got some bad news, I feel hopeless, I have no direction, I feel overwhelmed, I lost a loved one,...the list goes on) YET

I will rejoice in the LORD.
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The LORD God is my strength...

I was there. I went through months of feeling this way and leaning on these verses to remind me that He is the one who brings joy despite the circumstances. He is the one who gives us hope when everything we physically see is hopeless.

And the best part? This is the verse that He has brought me to:

"My beloved spoke, and said to me: rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away. For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. the flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree puts forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grapes give a good smell. Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away!"

Winter is just a season. It is a necessary season that gives the branches and the beauty of the earth a time of rest so that she can come back with full strength in the spring. You look around and see dead and cold and frozen wasteland and then, suddenly one day you see: green grass, a blossom, a singing bird. Winter is over. The dead that you stared at all season long was just a facade to the growth underneath. That hope you held onto through the dry and weary season was strengthening you from the inside so that when spring came...you would burst out into full bloom.

Isn't our God good?

"It's not fair"

Now, I know we joke about this: poking fun of little kids and ourselves alike when we throw fits (lets call it like it is...tantrums). But, I'm going to be honest here, I say this to God.

This isn't one of my shining moments, but I love that I can be truly honest with the Lord and He still accepts me exactly as who I am. Yes, He grows me, and yes, He loves me through every circumstance...yet, it all starts with an "It's not fair!" type of attitude. Then He says "well, ok now Erika, now that we've gotten that out of the way...let me take you through this until you see it my way."

And, trust me, I know from experience that seeing things God's way is so much more refreshing than sitting in the proverbial corner of your mind pouting that things didn't go the way you specifically expected them to (do they ever?)

"For this reason
I bow my knees
to the Father
of our Lord Jesus Christ,..."

He is the One that we are to turn to. Regardless. Tantrum or not. confusion or not. Turn to Him...and dont just turn, bow your knees and put yourself in that place of submission to Him and His will for your life.

"...from whom the whole family
in heaven and earth is named,
that He would grant you,
according to the riches of His glory,
to be strengthened with might
through His Spirit in the inner man,..."

As we come before Him, raw and without direction...pouting, even, and unable to see the "good" in the ends or the means...it is His Spirit that strengthens us. It is His family that we are called into and it is through His abundant glory that we are able to rise up against our flesh.

"that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith;
that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
may be able to comprehend with all the saints
what [is] the width
and length
and depth
and height--
to know the love of Christ
which passes knowledge;
that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."

And as we trust that it is Him who dwells in our hearts that guides and directs us, we begin to "rest assured" that what He is doing is so much more than what we had originally wanted. It is through His Spirit we can understand (comprehend, appreciate, envision, perceive) His love. Why does He say no sometimes? Why does He change our courses and move us in a way that we don't necessarily like or wouldn't have necessarily chosen for ourselves? It is because of His LOVE for us...the Love that we are filled with-even FULLfilled with-that we may not even be able to understand. That love that is beyond knowledge but that we, through faith, know is working in us. Its for that reason alone that He changes our course and overrides our human emotions (tantrums).

"Now to Him who is able to do
exceedingly abundantly above
all that we ask or think,
according to the power that works in us,
to Him [be] glory in the church
by Christ Jesus to all generations,
forever and ever. Amen."

Ah, Lord. Thank you for taking my meager ideas and human thoughts and emotions and overriding them. Thank you for being my ALL and EVERYTHING and for knowing what I need before it becomes a thought in my mind. Thank you for cutting off my path when I try to go too far and for extending it and pushing me when I dont want to go far enough. Thank you for loving me and doing exceedingly abundantly more that what i could ever ask or think.

Thank you.
Amen.

The Lord said "no" to me. He did. And it has taken me weeks of questioning, crying, whining, and throwing tantrums to realize these things. I chose to be honest with Him and He revealed to me His heart. He let me cry out to Him and He heard me. I encourage you to be honest with your Father. "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." (James 1:17) Even if the gift isn't what you expected. Even if it's the gift of "no" remember that it is still GOOD and PERFECT because it comes from our Father.

Beautiful

Here before Your altar
I am letting go of all I've held
Of every motive, of every burden
Everything that's of myself

And I just wanna wait on You, my God
I just wanna dwell on who You are

Beautiful, Beautiful
O, I am lost for more to say
Beautiful, Beautiful
O, Lord, You're beautiful to me

Here in Your presence, I am not afraid of brokenness
To wash Your feet in humble tears
O, I would be poured out 'til nothings left

And I just wanna wait on You, my God
Lord, I just wanna dwell on who You are

Beautiful, Beautiful
O, I am lost for more to say
Beautiful, Beautiful
O, Lord, You're beautiful to me

"Beautiful" by Kari Jobes

I love when I read something, talk to someone, or hear a song and think "I couldn't have or never would have said that better myself." The song above is just such an instance. I heard today (and when I say "heard" i mean that i actually listened to the lyrics) and was immediately taken into the throne room, casting every fear, thought, emotion, turmoil...before the Lord of Lords.

It's amazing that the Lord could allow us to be so relational: that another's insight into their life is exactly what you need to hear at that specific time.

Lately, I have been enjoying my times meeting with a few ladies in my life. Taking the time to go on a walk, drink a cup of coffee, meet for a bible study...all of these times have been "purely providential" in the Lord showing me His will in my life. He has been using these women to reveal to me what is truly important: what is truly necessary to focus on and what needs to be tossed to the wayside and left there.

When I go on walks on Monday afternoon, He shows me how being real and truthful with a friend is refreshing. He shows me how, when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable with those that the Lord puts in our lives, He blesses us with friends who can truly know you and hold you accountable.

"As iron sharpens iron,
So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend."
Prov 27:17

When I drink coffee on Tuesday mornings, He reveals to me how truly relational I am. He lets me know that it's OK to not have the answers but that He calls us to listen to His voice and respond. He wants us to sharpen the countenance of our friends and challenge each other to be more that what we are right now. He wants us to reach beyond what we think we can be into what He wants us to be. Sanctification. He challenges me to put others before me and then blesses me with such amazing insight into His plans for me. Then He tells me to calm down, trust in Him, and...

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

And when I meet for bible study, even when I am tired and distracted, His word does NOT return void. Even when my eyes are too tired to stay open, His word washes me clean and challenges me to draw closer to Him:

"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ..." 2 Corinthians 10:3-5

How are you challenged? Who is your walking buddy, coffee 'mate', and bible study partner? How does the Lord use people in your life? Are you willing to be vulnerable with those that the Lord has put in your life? Are you willing to let yourself be real and honest? Who has the Lord put before you?

In the book of Esther, Mordecai challenges Esther with these words: "Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for [such] a time as this?" (Esther 4:14)

I ask you the same question: who knows whether you have been brought into someone elses life...who knows who the Lord has brought into your life...for such a time as this?