Now, I Stand.

The days go past.
The sun rises and lowers.
The weather changes.
And still, I wait.

The run gets tiring.
The pace quickens.
The energy wanes.
And so, I sit.

The tears flow.
The smiles fade.
The questions start.
And then, I kneel.

The hands clasp.
The prayers rise.
The listening deafens.
And here, I stay.

The end is without sight.
The understanding still unknown.
The peace washes over me.
And now, I stand.


I wrote this poem as I was spending time praying the other day. It's a little raw, a little real, and an overflow of the prayers and struggles I've been daily giving back to the Lord.

So, I was meant to be returning to Scotland this past week. The intention was always to go back to Scotland after the missions conference but, with the sponsorship/visa process being delayed, I am still here and have yet to purchase a return plane ticket.

I won't lie and say that my attitude has been great regarding all of this. I've run the gamut of emotions from frustration to confusion and questioning whether the Lord really wanted to send me back to Scotland in the first place. After a restful Christmas, and some of the conversations and messages at the mission conference, I can still confidently say that I am still called to Scotland, even if His timing is different from the timing we established.

These are few verses that have held me in peace over this season and given me hope:

Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD! Psalm 27:14 NKJV

Even in these times of unknown, I know who I need to be focused on and waiting on. It is the Lord alone who will open the right doors for me, at His right time.

Therefore, since we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we do not lose heart. 2 Corinthians 4:1 NKJV 

This verse was the beginning of a message at the missions conference. One thing the speaker said stuck with me: (paraphrased): Serving God is an undeserved privilege, given only by His mercy. You don't choose whether you will go or stay. The One (God) who called you into ministry is the only One who can call you out." In all of this, because of His mercy, we do NOT lose heart.

So, in light of all of this, I would covet your prayers: that the process would continue along at the Lord's pace and, in the meantime, He would sustain me in His peace and patience.