Dancing, Rhythm, and ...life.

I went to a dance performance a few weeks ago and I may have already joked with you about some of the different performance moves I saw...but...let me tell you...these dancers were amazing. They did things with their bodies that I know takes discipline and strength and focus and diligence...many things that I lack in my life.

I keep thinking about the process that led to their performance, though, and wanted to share it...

Many months previous to this performance, they walked into a room and didn't expect to come out for hours. After, say, 5 hours of practice...they had about 5 minutes of a routine memorized that they were expected to remember the next time they walked into this room.

Repeat. Probably atleast 2...3....5 times a week for 2...3....5 more months. Think about all the time they spent memorizing their "roles"...in each of 20 (an estimate) dances...think of the bruises and tears and frustrations they had to endure through it all. Think of the excitement and joy and feeling of success when they finally "landed" that move...

I can't even begin to fathom the thoughts of each of the choreographers, either. The way they have to take a concept and add moves to it and set it to a song that will also portray the mood and feeling of whatever it is they want to get across to the audience. Then to see it in their minds and have to somehow explain it to 5 or 20 more people and work with them until it seems to look the way it was thought of...?

I, obviously, am not a dancer. I have never had to go through those hours of practice. I've never actually choreographed a dance (well...ok...i helped choreograph a DRIME once...) or performed in a dance show like this or...done what these dancer did.

But I do live a life choreographed by an Amazing Artist.

I wake up every morning and am asked to come to the practice room of my Lord. And, sometimes, I choose to go to practice and learn routines...I get into His word, I fellowship, I attend bible studies, I go to church, I sit and worship my Savior...knowing that the more I do it, the more discipline, understanding, wisdom, strength I will receive...and the easier it will be next time...and the greater the "performance" will be when the time comes.

And, also like those dancers, I've had the spiritual bruises and the tears. I've rejoiced and been excited over the times that I have overcome an obstacle or seen another overcome an obstacle. I've performed with multiple other "dancers" in my life...

The choreography is different every time. The dances all portray a different concept, thought, character...of the Choreographer. As believers, we are called to show up to practice and to be ready for those times He is calling us to be His wholly...to dance the dances that He teaches us...to allow for His concepts to be shown through our lives.

The dancers I watched that night put SO MUCH effort and SO MUCH time...heart...soul...into a performance that lasted 2 hours. I would imagine their practices were hours long for months before it and it took years and years of manipulating, strengthening, chastening, and challenging their body and mind to do the things that they sought to perform that night.

And their performance ended. And I couldnt tell you a single one of their names. And i couldn't tell you who any of the choreographers were...or what most of the dances meant.

And then I think about my life and how it so easily can resemble a performance like that. Only...I know that if I put in half as much effort and time and heart and soul in my performances and they did theirs...the performance that would result could be life changing. And people who see my dance will remember not my name but the Name of the One who showed me the moves...the One who is to be remembered.

As we dance through our life, may we seek to listen to the Choreographer and hear His concepts...His character...His themes. May we seek to dance in a way that truly and honestly depicts the One who showed us the moves. The One who performed it before us. The One who gave us every step and will assist us throughout it all.

May we seek to be in His practice room daily, that we may build enduring trust, strengthen the muscles of faith, gain the discipline needed...

...and in the end, our performance will only matter to an audience of One who is already our greatest Fan.

Who am i?

I am uniquely me. I like to rub my boots together when I'm walking just to hear the "swoosh swoosh" of them. I smile at my thoughts. Sometimes at night, I ask the Lord to speak to me in my dreams. I am a sister, a daughter, a secretary, a creative thinker, a crier, a laugher. I can't lie. Sometimes, I say things without thinking about the consequence of my words first. Most weeks, I don't shower daily. I don't sing well. I sing with abandon. Sometimes, I am scared of what I don't know. I feel differently than I think. Often, I smile and laugh and live in the moment. I don't like the dark. Sometimes, I do think too hard about the outfit I'm going to wear. I don't always know what I'm talking about. Often, I love others without a thought of reciprocation. I have a low pain tolerance. There are times I have looked in the mirror and now known the person looking back. Every day, I drink coffee. If you ask me how I'm doing, I will tell you. Sometimes, I cry and can't explain why. I have never liked to balance my checkbook. I love chocolate. I enjoy harmless jokes, but hate when I am the butt of them.

There are so many statements that make up "who I am."
There are so many answers to the question "tell me about yourself?"
But do any of these suffice?
Don't each of these statements help me to relate to someone else...
because that someone else is also...like me?

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
(I am searched by the Lord. I am known by the Lord.)

You know my sitting down and my rising up;
(I am seen by the Lord when I sit and when I rise)

You understand my thought afar off.
(I am understood by the Lord even before I understand myself)

You comprehend my path and my lying down,
(I am made to take the Lord's paths and rest in His knowledge)

And are acquainted with all my ways.
(I am never going to surprise Him)

For there is not a word on my tongue,

But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
(I am heard before I can hear)

You have hedged me behind and before,
(I am protected from my past and into my future)

And laid Your hand upon me.
(I am directed by His steady hand)
---

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

It is high, I cannot attain it.
Psalm 139:1-6

Every day, I talk with the Lord.
Every day, He holds me in His arms.
Every day, I can confidently say that I am my Beloved's and He is mine.

Every day, I am me. And what I am...is who God made me.

This is why I am unique. This is why the statements that I can make about myself pale when placed in comparison with the way the Lord loves me, sees me, knows me...

creates me.

For You, Lord, are...ready to forgive...

For You, Lord,
are good, and ready to forgive,
And abundant in mercy
to all those who call upon You.
Psalm 86:5

Lord, how many times have I needed your forgiveness? How many times has my heart gone astray? So numerous have been my transgressions and yet I can see You...looking at me...smiling...without a single thought of those sins in your eyes. Without a moment of comprehension of those reprehensible things I have done in my past.

How can I still see them? Why is it so hard for me to not look beyond who I once was?

If we confess our sins,
He is faithful and just
to forgive us our sins
and to cleanse us
from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9

My sweet Savior. You forgive, forgave, and are forgiving. You cleansed, clean, and are cleaning. You were, are and will always be faithful and just. It is to You, for You and by You that I confess my sins...that I am cleansed from all unrighteousness...that I may stand before you someday and you will open your arms up to me.

You forgave me. You will forgive me. Even now, you are forgiving me. And you see me as clean, pure, lovely. I don't deserve this. I don't understand this...but Your word says it is true. It says that You cast my sins as far as the east is from the west...You blot them out and remember them no more. Jesus, what do I do with this information? Father, how do I account for this in my life? My Lord, Savior, and Redeemer...how can I take this forgiveness and show those around me Your Love through it? Through what You have done for me?

Then Peter came to Him and said,
"Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?
Up to seven times?"

Jesus said to him,
"I do not say to you, up to seven times,
but up to seventy times seven.

Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, 'Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.' Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.

"But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, 'Pay me what you owe!' So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.' And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?' And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.

"So My heavenly Father also
will do to you if each of you,
from his heart,
does not forgive his brother his trespasses."
Matt 18:21-35

Lord, I am that servant, huh? So quick to beg your forgiveness and so quick to rejoice at the new life You so freely offer me...but so fast to turn and become that futile and greedy human again. So willing to accept your gift but not reciprocate it. I don't have to understand it. I don't have to know why You ask these things of me. I don't even have to "feel" it.

But I know that I have to be obedient.

I know Truth.

I know You and You have forgiven me so much.

And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors...
For if you forgive men their trespasses,
your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
But if you do not forgive men their trespasses,
neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."
Matt 6:12, 14-15

Ok, Lord. You've already done Your part. Will you do mine now, too? "My whole life is crucified, it's no longer I...." I'm never going to be ready to step into this. Me, myself...will never be any better than that selfish servant...

So, Lord, will you continue to write my script?...and will You make sure to write this part out--soon? I'm ready for it, Lord. I'm ready to see what You want to make of it. How you want to place me in Your Story.

Make it a good one. Make this scene beautiful. Make people smile. Make people cry. This is about You. It's not about me. It's never supposed to be about me. Its supposed to be about You.

And Your forgiveness.

"The LORD will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O LORD, endures forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands." Psalm 138:8

Small...Insignificant...and perfectly wonderful.

"The LORD [is] far from the wicked, But He hears the prayer of the righteous." Prov. 15:29

Today, I am thankful for the little things.

I needed to get some stuff printed and the printer decided it hated me.
I fumed, I threatened, I almost kicked it...then I prayed.
I pressed a simple button. It worked.

I needed to figured out how to make a certain document work and it needed to be finished by today.
I was confused, I was scared I wouldnt hit the deadline, I was terrified I was going to fail...then I prayed.
I googled "how to..." and the first link gave me my answer. 15 minutes later, the error sign went away.

I was given a stack of papers that needed to be printed in a certain way and I only had enough to NOT make mistakes.
The list didnt make sense, the directions didnt make sense, the papers all looked the same. I freaked out...then I prayed.
I read the "fine print" (aka...the really bold letters on the top that tell you how to decode everything else)...and everything got printed. With no mistakes.

Lord, thank you for answering the silliest of prayers. More than that, thank you for sending your Spirit to prompt us to deny our flesh that we may come to you with the silliest of prayers. Even greater than that, Lord, thank you for showing me that no prayer uttered is silly.

Psalm 16:11

"You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

During Christmas time the question was asked: "What verse has stood out to you over this year? What verse do you think the Lord has used in your life?"

My answer was Psalm 16:11. It's a verse that the Lord brought me to during a period of time that He also revealed to me how gripped my life was with fear. It is a verse that He brought me to when I needed to understand the difference between the Lord's fear and the fear of things around me. 2 Tim 1:7 says "For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind." Fear...Love. Love? That is what I need to be seeking? That is what the Lord gives? Where do I find that? Lord, how do I conquer this fear in my life?

I was taken to 1 John 4:18 which says "...perfect love casts out fear..." and I believe it. The ONLY place we can find perfect love is in the Lord. The only place we can find comfort is in the Lord and the only place fear is overcome...is in perfect love. That brought me to Psalm 16:11. Where, Lord can I seek this? How can I know perfect love?

...in HIS PRESENCE. It was such a beautiful realization. I needed...wanted...desired...to be in His presence. I desired His fullness of joy. I asked Him and waiting on what His fullness of joy looked like. I waited. I asked. I entreated. I enjoyed Him in circumstance: This, Lord? Is this your joy? Is this was dwelling in your presence looks like?

Well, when I was asked that question during Christmas time, the answer as to why this verse stood out to me was so different than what I had planned on saying. It struck me...because It wasnt anything I had associated with the verse before.

I told them that the fullness of joy...being in His presence...is beyond circumstance. That despite what situation I am in, despite what circumstance the Lord puts in front of me, I should still be in His presence and in His fullness of joy. His joy is beyond circumstance and I needed to learn what it looked like to see those situations THROUGH Him, and not Him through the situations.

I look back now and see how the Lord is using my very words (or, i should say, the Spirits words through me) to encourage me and show me that He is still there, His joy is still full, and His pleasures are still abundant despite the storms and despite the circumstances. Sometimes I dont want to believe it but then i realize that I spoke it, the Spirit confirmed it...and ultimately...it is His words...and His words are Truth and for that...i will and can believe them.

I will not fear...

"I called on the LORD in distress;
The LORD answered me
and set me in a broad place.
The LORD is on my side;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?
The LORD is for me among those who help me;
Therefore I shall see my desire on those who hate me.
It is better to trust in the LORD
Than to put confidence in man.
It is better to trust in the LORD
Than to put confidence in princes."
Psalm 118:5-9

Confidence: belief in one's powers or abilities, assurance (dictionary.com)
Trust: (1) a person on whom one relies; (2) reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing

Lord,

You alone are my only
...strength...
...surety...
...reliance.
Help me to trust in You.
You have set me in a broad place.
You have place people around me
Who have reached out to hold me up
In Your strength.
Thank you, Lord.
...For hearing my prayers.
...For answering my cries.
...For loving this wretched me.

Amen.

I went on a date with God today

...He was such a gentleman.

We took a walk and He let me talk His ear off. He showed me how every day He brings the sun into the top of the sky to warm me, sends the wind to sweep away the dirt, brings the rain to wash everything fresh. He let me cry and He let me laugh.

He never interrupted...almost. There were a few times when He stopped me as i started complaining. He quieted me with His words of hope and words of encouragement. He listened but He also steered me in the right direction.

He gave me just.what.i.needed at the exact.time.i.needed.it. He does that, you know. Gives us His time, His love, His patience, His advice, His guidance. You know what I needed? Him. Just Him. And He willingly obliged. And I am so thankful.

so very thankful.


...When was your last date with God? Do you let Him woo you? The thing i realized today was how He is always waiting for us. He is always there, hand extended, waiting for us to take it and stroll down the...street, beach, path...with Him. He just wants to spend time with us. He wants to take us away and spend some uninterrupted time with Him.

My beloved spoke, and said to me: "Rise up, my love, my fair one, And come away...."
Song of Songs 2:10