"It's not fair"

Now, I know we joke about this: poking fun of little kids and ourselves alike when we throw fits (lets call it like it is...tantrums). But, I'm going to be honest here, I say this to God.

This isn't one of my shining moments, but I love that I can be truly honest with the Lord and He still accepts me exactly as who I am. Yes, He grows me, and yes, He loves me through every circumstance...yet, it all starts with an "It's not fair!" type of attitude. Then He says "well, ok now Erika, now that we've gotten that out of the way...let me take you through this until you see it my way."

And, trust me, I know from experience that seeing things God's way is so much more refreshing than sitting in the proverbial corner of your mind pouting that things didn't go the way you specifically expected them to (do they ever?)

"For this reason
I bow my knees
to the Father
of our Lord Jesus Christ,..."

He is the One that we are to turn to. Regardless. Tantrum or not. confusion or not. Turn to Him...and dont just turn, bow your knees and put yourself in that place of submission to Him and His will for your life.

"...from whom the whole family
in heaven and earth is named,
that He would grant you,
according to the riches of His glory,
to be strengthened with might
through His Spirit in the inner man,..."

As we come before Him, raw and without direction...pouting, even, and unable to see the "good" in the ends or the means...it is His Spirit that strengthens us. It is His family that we are called into and it is through His abundant glory that we are able to rise up against our flesh.

"that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith;
that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
may be able to comprehend with all the saints
what [is] the width
and length
and depth
and height--
to know the love of Christ
which passes knowledge;
that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."

And as we trust that it is Him who dwells in our hearts that guides and directs us, we begin to "rest assured" that what He is doing is so much more than what we had originally wanted. It is through His Spirit we can understand (comprehend, appreciate, envision, perceive) His love. Why does He say no sometimes? Why does He change our courses and move us in a way that we don't necessarily like or wouldn't have necessarily chosen for ourselves? It is because of His LOVE for us...the Love that we are filled with-even FULLfilled with-that we may not even be able to understand. That love that is beyond knowledge but that we, through faith, know is working in us. Its for that reason alone that He changes our course and overrides our human emotions (tantrums).

"Now to Him who is able to do
exceedingly abundantly above
all that we ask or think,
according to the power that works in us,
to Him [be] glory in the church
by Christ Jesus to all generations,
forever and ever. Amen."

Ah, Lord. Thank you for taking my meager ideas and human thoughts and emotions and overriding them. Thank you for being my ALL and EVERYTHING and for knowing what I need before it becomes a thought in my mind. Thank you for cutting off my path when I try to go too far and for extending it and pushing me when I dont want to go far enough. Thank you for loving me and doing exceedingly abundantly more that what i could ever ask or think.

Thank you.
Amen.

The Lord said "no" to me. He did. And it has taken me weeks of questioning, crying, whining, and throwing tantrums to realize these things. I chose to be honest with Him and He revealed to me His heart. He let me cry out to Him and He heard me. I encourage you to be honest with your Father. "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." (James 1:17) Even if the gift isn't what you expected. Even if it's the gift of "no" remember that it is still GOOD and PERFECT because it comes from our Father.

Beautiful

Here before Your altar
I am letting go of all I've held
Of every motive, of every burden
Everything that's of myself

And I just wanna wait on You, my God
I just wanna dwell on who You are

Beautiful, Beautiful
O, I am lost for more to say
Beautiful, Beautiful
O, Lord, You're beautiful to me

Here in Your presence, I am not afraid of brokenness
To wash Your feet in humble tears
O, I would be poured out 'til nothings left

And I just wanna wait on You, my God
Lord, I just wanna dwell on who You are

Beautiful, Beautiful
O, I am lost for more to say
Beautiful, Beautiful
O, Lord, You're beautiful to me

"Beautiful" by Kari Jobes

I love when I read something, talk to someone, or hear a song and think "I couldn't have or never would have said that better myself." The song above is just such an instance. I heard today (and when I say "heard" i mean that i actually listened to the lyrics) and was immediately taken into the throne room, casting every fear, thought, emotion, turmoil...before the Lord of Lords.

It's amazing that the Lord could allow us to be so relational: that another's insight into their life is exactly what you need to hear at that specific time.

Lately, I have been enjoying my times meeting with a few ladies in my life. Taking the time to go on a walk, drink a cup of coffee, meet for a bible study...all of these times have been "purely providential" in the Lord showing me His will in my life. He has been using these women to reveal to me what is truly important: what is truly necessary to focus on and what needs to be tossed to the wayside and left there.

When I go on walks on Monday afternoon, He shows me how being real and truthful with a friend is refreshing. He shows me how, when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable with those that the Lord puts in our lives, He blesses us with friends who can truly know you and hold you accountable.

"As iron sharpens iron,
So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend."
Prov 27:17

When I drink coffee on Tuesday mornings, He reveals to me how truly relational I am. He lets me know that it's OK to not have the answers but that He calls us to listen to His voice and respond. He wants us to sharpen the countenance of our friends and challenge each other to be more that what we are right now. He wants us to reach beyond what we think we can be into what He wants us to be. Sanctification. He challenges me to put others before me and then blesses me with such amazing insight into His plans for me. Then He tells me to calm down, trust in Him, and...

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

And when I meet for bible study, even when I am tired and distracted, His word does NOT return void. Even when my eyes are too tired to stay open, His word washes me clean and challenges me to draw closer to Him:

"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ..." 2 Corinthians 10:3-5

How are you challenged? Who is your walking buddy, coffee 'mate', and bible study partner? How does the Lord use people in your life? Are you willing to be vulnerable with those that the Lord has put in your life? Are you willing to let yourself be real and honest? Who has the Lord put before you?

In the book of Esther, Mordecai challenges Esther with these words: "Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for [such] a time as this?" (Esther 4:14)

I ask you the same question: who knows whether you have been brought into someone elses life...who knows who the Lord has brought into your life...for such a time as this?

"Make good choices!"

I was challenged by a bible study I am doing (A Woman of Excellence) to truly listen to what the Lord was showing me and following His voice. The whole chapter was on obedience. The author, Cynthia Heald, writes "obedience is submission, habitually yielding to authority." She points out how we are always given the choice. The Lord is never slack in showing us the right way, pointing out the right path, leading us with the right directions...yet do we follow, listen, submit...obey?

All these little things started coming to mind: those time where you hear in the back of your head "you shouldnt be doing this..." yet you continue in what you are doing? Those moments when you know you are fuming with unrighteous anger and are telling yourself "just stop and give it to the Lord. Pray. Get into the Word." and yet, you continue to seeth? That moment when you choose to (watch a movie. watch tv.listen to music.go hang out with friends.go shopping.stare-at-a-wall.surf the internet.watch a youtube video.fill your time with unnecessary busyness) instead of (pray.read the word.enjoy fellowship.have a good quiet time.study.wash the dishes.do laundry.clean your room.work.enjoy family)? I know i'm not the only one.

So check out this parable. I had never read it before...or atleast not with the idea of obedience underlying within it:

"But what do you think?
A man had two sons, and he came to the first
and said, 'Son, go, work today in my vineyard.'
He answered and said, 'I will not,' but afterward
he regretted it and went.
The he came to the second and said likewise.
And he answered and said, 'I go, sir,'
but he did not go.
Which of the two did the will of his father?"
Matt 21:28-31a

Lord, forgive me for those times that I do not make good choices with my time, resources, and life. Forgive me for telling You that I will do your will and then foolishly turn and do otherwise. Give me the humility to turn from my ways and seek solace in your arms. Thank You for Your mercy when I recognize my willful disobedience and seek to change my ways. Father, when I hear Your voice, may I be bold and brave enough to listen and do according to your will. When I am given the choice, as you so graciously lay them out in front of me, give me Your Spirit to guide my actions. Thank you, Lord, for choosing me. Thank you for choosing to have a relationship with me and for giving me the chance to work in Your vineyard. Amen.

A bit of encouragement. I have humbly realized that when I try to "do good" on my own, nothing good comes out of it. I end up drained and worse off than when I made my resolve. There is nothing good in us that can help us be a blessing for the Lord. It is Him living in us that causes us to make any kind of "good choice" in our lives. It is our willful surrender to His Spirit that gives us a fighting chance to choose the right answer...go in the right direction...be led down the right path.

Philippians 2:13 says "...for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure."

He is the one doing the moving in us. He is the one giving us the chance to change. And get this...He does it for His good pleasure. He gives us the will to obey...so that He can delight in us! How amazing is that?

A little bit more:

How many times have I said "make good choices!" (to you, maybe?) with the intention of using a cliched quote to brighten one's day...get a smile...but never with the thought that that person would actually truly listen to me and "make good choices?"

I never thought I would find those words profound. Or even use them as an exhortment in my own life. I mean, how often have you gone through your life using some catch phrase without stopping to think about how it affects your own life? Hmm..well, for me, that all changed with this bible study. I realized how much I need to take into account the words that i say to others and truly live them out in my life. For me, it was being obedient to the Lord in the choices i make....what is it for you?

What choices is the Lord asking you to make this week?

Hello again...

It's been a while. Sort of. You might say its only been 10 minutes since my last blog. But, well, to be honest, that blog was written quite a long time ago and I *whoops* forgot to post it! =)

When I originally began "blogging" my heart behind it all was to post devotions, encouragements, exhortations, and the like with the intent to edify those who read it (I know there are at least 5 of you...).

When I wrote those blogs down \/ there, I wrote from personal encouragement, growth, and struggle. My intent all along was to be real. It still is my intent.

But it seems that every time I have thought about what to "blog" about recently, all I think is "i've got nothing." And that's really been bothering me...is the Lord not moving in my life? Is He not revealing Himself to me? What is holding me back?

Hah...oh, wait. Its me, isn't it? Isn't that always the case? The bible says: "Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you." Deut. 31:6. God doesn't leave us. He never stops moving in my life. Heck, He never stops moving my life! He consistently reveals Himself to me and His love for me is never failing. So what is the key ingredient missing?

...My reaction.

Why have I had "nothing" recently? Why has it been that I haven't had anything to write about? I feel like the Lord has shown me this: I haven't been reacting to His Word. I haven't been allowing Him to come into my "sheltered existence" and truly begin to tear away at my flesh. Or, maybe I've just been too scared and intimidated at what might happen if I let Him in...

He is offering me something bigger than a mansion, more tasty than a chocolate cake, more valuable than a diamond, and warmer than a down comforter. He is offering me communion with Him and it is up to me to accept it. I have His eternal and unending promise of salvation. Do I want a life of communion with Him? A chance for Him to shine His Light into my darkness and allow that light to chase out the things that are clinging to the hidden corners of my darkened heart?

Hmm.

So there is my heart. Yes, the Lord is prying my heart open yet again. No, I dont feel as fragile as I did three/four months ago. Yes, I know the Lord is loving and forgiving and able to break through my poorly wrought facades day after day. No, I dont compare Jesus with chocolate (atleast, not fairly). and, YES, I'm finally ready to be vulnerable again with the Lord.

Here I am, on my knees,
giving you glory.
Take this gift of my praise,
Lord take all of me.
Speak to my heart,
I am listening.

Lord, show me...(pt 2)

...how to love mercy

He has shown you,
O man,
what is good;
And what does the LORD require of you
but to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?

To love mercy? Lord, you require this of me? You require that I love mercy? LOVE it? As in, can't stop thinking about it, acting in it's best interest, putting it before other things and people in my life? As in unconditionally, patiently, kindly, without regard to what it may look like to others? You want me to love it?

How?

"He has shown you..."

You did? Like when you called us to turn the other cheek? Like when you allowed Saul (Paul) to be saved? Like that time that you gave your life for us, hung there on the cross, and allowed yourself to be humiliated and tortured...to spend eternity with me? WITH ME? Are you sure you have the right girl?

I don't think I can do this, Lord. You want me to love mercy? Do justly? Walk humbly?

Lord, show me...

Lord, show me...Pt. 1

...mercy

"Now it happened , as Jesus sat at the table in the house, that behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and sat down with Him and His disciples. And when the Pharisees say it, they said to His disciples, "Why does your Teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?" When Jesus heard that, He said to them, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice.' For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." Matthew 9:9-13

Jesus told these men--Pharisees--to go and learn what this means: "I desire mercy and not sacrifice." Do you think they went...and studied? Matthew 12:6-8 shows us what happened when Jesus, Himself, turns to these same Pharisees in a grain field and, after they accuse Him of not obeying the Sabbath rules, says:

"Yet I say to you that in this place there is One greater than the temple. But if you had known what this means, "I desire mercy and not sacrifice, you would not have condemned the guiltless. For the Son of Man is Lord even of the Sabbath."

...this leads me to believe that they did NOT take to heart Jesus' exhortation to "go and learn..."

Jesus, the Great Teacher, gave His "students" a task...some homework, even...and they chose to let the dog eat it. What would they have found out if they had done their homework? What would they have discovered about the beautiful grace and mercy of our Lord?

....well, I can't tell you that. Because these men, who loved the law more that their Lord, chose to disregard His task. They chose to turn away and trust their own strength and laws. I can't tell you what they found out, but I can begin to show you what My Savior has been showing me. I can tell you that as I sat there, humbled, at the amount of times that I don't obey His voice, I gained the ability to fall on my face and ask Him to show me what it means...what HE means when He tells these men that He desires "mercy and not sacrifice."

I can also tell you that He's not done showing me. Every day is something new. Every day my eyes are being opened even more:



Mercy, as defined by dictionary.com:
(this is what He desires)

1.	compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, an enemy, or other person in one's power; compassion, pity, or benevolence: Have mercy on the poor sinner.

2.	the disposition to be compassionate or forbearing: an adversary wholly without mercy.

3.	the discretionary power of a judge to pardon someone or to mitigate punishment, esp. to send to prison rather than invoke the death penalty.

4.	an act of kindness, compassion, or favor: She has performed countless small mercies for her friends and neighbors.

5.	something that gives evidence of divine favor; blessing: It was just a mercy we had our seat belts on when it happened.

Sacrifice, as defined by the same:
(this is what He does NOT desire)

1.	the offering of animal, plant, or human life or of some material possession to a deity, as in propitiation or homage.

2.	the person, animal, or thing so offered.

3.	the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim.

4.	the thing so surrendered or devoted.

5.	a loss incurred in selling something below its value.

to desire:
–verb (used with object)

1.	to wish or long for; crave; want.

2.	to express a wish to obtain; ask for; request: The mayor desires your presence at the next meeting.

–noun

3.	a longing or craving, as for something that brings satisfaction or enjoyment: a desire for fame.

He has shown you, O man, what is good;

And what does the LORD require of you

But to do justly,

To love mercy,

And to walk humbly with your God?
Micah 6:8

Bondage?

From the book of Nahum:

What the Lord does to His enemies:

• avenge
• His fury will be poured out like fire
• He will throw rocks down on them
• darkness will pursue them
• He will put and end to conspiracies
• It only takes one time for the Lord to fully tear it away.

Who are the LORD's enemies?

"The LORD has given a command concerning you:

Your name shall be perpetuated no longer.

Out of the house of your gods

I will cut off the carved image and the molded image.

I will dig your grave,

For you are vile." Nahum 1:14

The Lord wants to set us free from our enemies. The enemies of the Lord are those things that place His people in bondage. I will remind you here: you are a child of God. A father will NOT stand by and watch His child suffer. He cannot sit and see His child hurt. He WILL rescue them! YOUR enemies are the Lord's enemies and if those enemies are holding you in bondage (as many enemies of Israel did), you can be assured that the Lord wants to rescue you from them!

What is keeping you...putting you...in bondage?

Bondage ensnares and entraps us. It keeps us from the freedom we have in Christ. Let me challenge you to do something. Take a minute, pray that the Lord gives you complete honestly, then open your eyes and honestly write down your answers to these questions.

• What causes me to groan? (Exodus 2:23)
• What am i fearful of? (Romans 8:15)
• What tries to subject me? (Galatians 2:4)
• What are doctrines of false brothers that i believe? (Galatians 2:4)
• What is the opposite of liberty? (Galatians 2:4)
• What is born of the flesh? (Galatians 4:24)
• What yoke is entangling me? (Galatians 5:1)
• What subjects me by a fear of death? (Hebrews 2:15)
• What is overcoming me? (2 Peter 2:19)
• What is deceiving me? (2 Peter 2:19)
  

Now look at this list. These things are holding you in bondage. These things...people...feelings...thoughts...actions...reactions...are the bondage that is keeping you from experiencing the pure freedom in Christ.

Reading through Nahum and recognizing that God's enemies are those things that keep His people in bondage...lets go a step further. Those things you wrote down? Those are God's enemies. Those things are the direct antithesis of who are Beloved is and where our Beloved wants us.

*BUT REMEMBER* read the beginning of this devotion. What does the Lord do to His enemies?

*NOW* read Nahum 1:1-6. Find comfort that that is what our Father wants to do with your bondage. Read the next verse. (Verse 7). Here is the challenge: do you trust the Lord?

Find comfort in these words. Know that the Lord wants to utterly destroy your enemies. your bondage. Read a step further.

Nahum 1:15 "Behold, on the mountains

The feet of him who brings good tidings,

Who proclaims peace!

O Judah, keep your appointed feasts,

Perform your vows.

For the wicked one shall no more pass through you;

He is utterly cut off."

Know this. If you go away from this remembering one thing. remember this: God wants to fight your battles for you! He commands His people, Judah, to keep their appointed feasts...to perform their vows. He doesn't need our help fighting our bondage. He will do it. All we have to do is sit and obey. Rest in the commandments the Lord has given us. Find comfort that the LORD GOD is in your midst...

The Mighty One, will save;

He will rejoice over you with gladness,

He will quiet you with His love,

He will rejoice over you with singing." (Zeph 3:17)

To ACT OUT Psalm 37:3-7....(read below)