Scotland

Yes! Im still going!

I am set to leave on one of those really big metal things that some how stay in the sky without being attached to strings….or, in English, an airplane…on September 16th.

I will return on October 3rd.

If you want to know more about my trip, you can read my testimony starting here.

Or, you can read the last update here and here, too.

If you want to be a part of my prayer updates, please send me a personal email or leave a comment with your email address and I will put you on the list! (my email is erikamarie82@gmail.com) even if I have/had no idea that you read my blog but you want to pray for me…trust me…i’ll take all the prayer I can get! =)

I will still post updates on here from time to time, but for the most part, as per my first post, this blog will mainly be about heart updates and the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

A Quick Snippet

I would just like to take this time to remind myself that I am not the one in control.

Earlier today, I had a conversation with a most beautiful and precious friend of mine…who seemed to have it in her mind that I actually enjoy bouncing from here and there…always changing and always looking for something “new” to do, be, try…etc.

I had to quickly squelch that assumption because, you see, I don’t. You may look at my life and see a rapidity of change and a hectic and rather dizzying amount of movement within the confines of my life and think that I am perfectly content in this.

And, while I am content, I was not always the most willing of followers on this path.

As I attempted to explain to her that, no, this is not “just who I am” and, yes, I would rather settle down and enjoy a slower paced life…the only conclusion I came to was that the “dream” I wanted is simply not what the Lord has for me right now.

You see, for the past 10 years, I have bounced around to and from many adventures that have led me to: Mexico, Cape Cod, Bakersfield, Africa, Romania, Texas, Morro Bay, and…Disneyland (ok, I know that last one doesn’t count…but…if you know me at all…you know I had to put it). I have held well over a dozen jobs, lived in well over a dozen houses, lived with (or tortured, depending on who you talk to…) well over a dozen roomates…

Each adventure has had its necessary impressions on my heart and life in order to get me here.

today.

now.

And, as I sat and soberly realized that I would, in fact, rather be settled into one place and know where I am going to be 5, 10, and 20 years from now…I excitedly smile because, guess what?

I am not the one writing this book.

He is. The Author and Finisher of our faith. The One who searches our heart and desires to bring us beauty for ashes…every good and perfect gift…a hope and a future.

I pray that if you are questioning God’s timing in your life or His will verses your desires that you will find comfort in knowing that we serve a God who is almighty and all encompassing…let Him comfort you and whisper His love to you tonight.

Shaken

I had never eaten a plum that I have personally picked fresh from a tree until this week. Below is the story of that rather enlightening day…

In order to get the beautifully ripe-red fruit from the tree and into my mouth, i was told the following (very specific and scientifically profound) instructions:

“…just give the tree a good shake.”

So, with the anticipated taste of a plum on my lips, I walked outside and gave the tree a good shake.

thump, thump, thump.

It was that simply. I shook the tree and it rained down dozens of beautifully ready to eat plums (luckily, I had enough brain waves working to stand in a place that the plums wouldn’t fall on my head).

I looked up, laughing a little, and saw that there was one very beautiful piece of fruit still on the tree so, I shook it some more.

Nothing.

Hmm, I thought, I guess I will have to get this one with a stick. So, I grabbed a stick and poked away at the plum until it fell down. The tree admitted defeat and I decided to enjoy my victory by biting down into the fruits of my labor…

…which, i promptly spit out…it wasn’t ripe!

As I got the bad taste of un-ripened fruit out of my mouth by biting into another one, I started thinking about the lessons that can be taken from this experience.

• First, fruit is meant to be grown on a tree. And much like trees, we are meant to produce fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace… This fruit can then be given to provide nourishment for others around us.
• Fruit is ultimately meant to spread more life. I have been told many times: it takes death to produce more life. Fruit has to die so the seed can be taken, buried, and allowed to grow again. This fruit cannot spread life unless it is first removed from its life source.
• Sometimes, the tree has fruit that is ripe enough to come off the tree, but it just needs a little shaking. The Lord does this in our lives as well.
• Other times, the tree has fruit that looks ripe and ready to offer nourishment and life to others, but looks are deceiving and it’s not until the nourishment is tasted that we realize that fruition was not met yet.

“Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful; But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night.
He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, That brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither; And whatever he does shall prosper.” Psalm 1:1-3

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, And whose hope is the LORD. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, Which spreads out its roots by the river, And will not fear when heat comes; But its leaf will be green, And will not be anxious in the year of drought, Nor will cease from yielding fruit.” Jeremiah 17:7-8

We are all called to be trees that produce the fruit of the Spirit. Sometimes, He allows shaking that we would be a part of spreading His eternal life. Other times, He still has us growing and allowing our fruit to get ready and ripe before it is used to encourage and nourish others.

We are all called to produce. We are all called to share True Life with those around us. And, most importantly, we are called to let Him do that work for us. He is the Life Giver, the only One from Whom comes the only Life worth living for…

“Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” John 15:4-5

Jesus Wept.

John 11:35.

Recently, I have had a hard time keeping my tears in. The smallest thing tips off my emotions and a tear will fill my eyes in a moments notice.

They aren’t all the same tears, though. They are tears of change, frustration, happiness, confusion, joy, uncertainty, overwhelming desires and hopes, pain, mourning, excitement…

When I was young, my mom called them “Crocodile Tears” because they would fill my eyes so fast and before I knew it one large tear drop would escape my eye and fall dramatically down my face, scarring the person watching and deceiving me as it gave away the emotions it held and portrayed.

Those crocodile tears never left. Some times more than others, they come falling down my face and I have had days where I have embraced them and days, much like today, where I have shamed them.

Do you ever get tired of crying? I do. I have recently found myself trying to hold them in, willing them to stay at bay during this season. And as they come…unchecked, unwanted, and unwelcome, I found myself apologizing within me today…

“I’m sorry, Lord, that I am not strong enough. I’m sorry that I can’t hold it together. I am ashamed that something that petty could cause so many tears.”

And He gently reminded me of John 11:35…Jesus wept.

We serve a God who is unafraid to weep. We serve a God who will see us through every tear, every cry, every sorrow, every joy…

He gives ear to my cry and will not be silent at my tears. He puts my tears into His bottle. And the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces; For the LORD has spoken.

I called upon the LORD, And cried out to my God…my cry entered His ears because His ears are open to my cry. the LORD hears…and will deliver me out of all my troubles. He will hear their cry and save them.

When the Lord saw, He had compassion and said, "Do not weep."

there is a time to weep, And a time to laugh. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh…so rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep for those who sow in tears shall reap in joy.

*Psa 39:12-Psa 56:8-Isa 25:8-2 sam 22:7-Psa 34:15-Psa 34:17-Psa 145:19,-Luk 7:13-Rom 12:15-Psa 126:5-Ecc 3:4-Luk 6:21*

I needed to be reminded today that it is OK to shed tears and it is alright to let Him comfort me when I need it.

I don’t have to apologize to My Dad when I need a hug.

I just need to ask for it.

Enjoying every moment…

Do you ever have those times where you KNOW what you’re supposed to do but have the hardest time submitting your own desires to do it?

Or, do you ever feel like something really exciting is just about to happen but you don’t have the faith enough to let yourself get excited because the reality of it is so far displaced from your reality?

What about those moments when you feel certain that things are being laid out before you and you are missing one huge link to the puzzle and it becomes something akin to visiting a dentist’s office to trust that everything is going to work out…without pursuing that missing link?

Have you ever set a goal or a fleece before the Lord and, saying you are trusting Him to provide, continually try to reach or achieve that goal on your own?

Has He ever totally blown you away by smacking your hand and at the same time proving to you hands down that He really is in control and that you really have nothing to do with achieving said goal?

Yea…me to.

I don’t know that I have openly shared on here the financial part of my calling to Scotland. But the long and short of it is that I personally do not and will not have the finances to fund this trip. Because of this, the Lord put it on my heart and asked me to step out in faith by sending support letters out to those around me.

Being the *oh so humble and never at all prideful about money* (read: sarcasm) person that I am, this was hard for me to do. Throughout it all though, I knew He was calling me and He continually reminded me that He would provide. All I could say was “if He wants me to go, then He will get me there…”

So, I set a goal (or “fleece” if you will…) of $1,000 in order to get my plane ticket (they are running around $900 right now). And on May 30th, I handed out my support letters.

And then the days started ticking by. And then I started worrying. And then I started taking matters into my own hands trying to figure out how I could get to $1,000 on my own. I had, as of Wednesday, received about 1/2 of that amount.

In planning for my garage sale this weekend, I kept thinking “ok, if I can make the remaining amount then I will be able to get my plane ticket! That’s manageable!

Hmm…then I went to the mail box and with a simply labeled envelope, I hear the Lord tell me “Erika, I said I would provide this for you…I don’t need your help.”

And my fleece was answered and the Lord, once again, made Himself known in so mighty a way that I cannot deny His presence.

And I was yet again humbled in thinking about how very much He loves me and how very much He desires to pour out His every good and perfect gift from above (James 1:17)

“The Lord will perfect that which concerns me. Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever; do not forsake the works of Your hands.” Psalm 138:8