Hold my hand, Lord, and guide me.

There are times when it is unnecessary to tell others my own thoughts. It is a sweet thing to see the Word come to life in a way that needs to other explanation. No other definition. No other translation except that which the Holy Spirit has already given.

Does He not see my ways, And count all my steps? (Job 31:4) For His eyes [are] on the ways of man, And He sees all his steps. (Job 34:21) Blessed [is] the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful; (Psa 1:1) You will show me the path of life; In Your presence [is] fullness of joy; At Your right hand [are] pleasures forevermore. (Psa 16:11) Uphold my steps in Your paths, [That] my footsteps may not slip. (Psa 17:5) You enlarged my path under me, So my feet did not slip. (Psa 18:36) Teach me Your way, O LORD, And lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies.(Psa 27:11) The steps of a [good] man are ordered by the LORD, And He delights in his way. (Psa 37:23) You will guide me with Your counsel, And afterward receive me [to] glory. (Psa 73:24) Make me walk in the path of Your commandments, For I delight in it. (Psa 119:35) Your word [is] a lamp to my feet And a light to my path. (Psa 119:105) Direct my steps by Your word, And let no iniquity have dominion over me. (Psa 119:133) You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways. (Psa 139:3) When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, Then You knew my path. In the way in which I walk They have secretly set a snare for me. (Psa 142:3) Then you will understand righteousness and justice, Equity [and] every good path. (Pro 2:9) When you walk, your steps will not be hindered, And when you run, you will not stumble. (Pro 4:12) But the path of the just [is] like the shining sun, That shines ever brighter unto the perfect day. (Pro 4:18) Ponder the path of your feet, And let all your ways be established. (Pro 4:26) The simple believes every word, But the prudent considers well his steps. (Pro 14:15) A man's heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps. (Pro 16:9) A man's steps [are] of the LORD; How then can a man understand his own way? (Pro 20:24) Hear, my son, and be wise; And guide your heart in the way. (Pro 23:19) They shall neither hunger nor thirst, Neither heat nor sun shall strike them; For He who has mercy on them will lead them, Even by the springs of water He will guide them. (Isa 49:10) The LORD will guide you continually, And satisfy your soul in drought, And strengthen your bones; You shall be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. (Isa 58:11) O LORD, I know the way of man [is] not in himself; [It is] not in man who walks to direct his own steps. (Jer 10:23) For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: (1Pe 2:21) To give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death, To guide our feet into the way of peace." (Luk 1:79) However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own [authority], but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come. (Jhn 16:13) **emphasis my own, all verses quoted from NKJV**

Lord, reign and rain down!

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,"
says the LORD.
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.
For as the rain comes down,
and the snow from heaven,
And do not return there,
But water the earth, And make it bring forth and bud,
That it may give seed to the sower
and bread to the eater,
so shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth;
It shall not return to Me void,
But it shall accomplish what I please,
And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.
For you shall go out with joy,
And be led out with peace;
The mountains and the hills Shall break forth
into singing before you,
And all the trees of the field shall clap their hands."
Isaiah 55:8-12

I am brought back to this verse each time it begins to rain again. It brings me such joy in the midst of a gloomy day. We may not understand the rainy seasons of our lives, but see what it brings forth! Bud and seed and bread! Beauty and a living and food!

Lord, let us see light in darkness.
Let us live bright in the dim times.
Let us rejoice when others tell us to mourn.
Let us look to you and regard you as higher than
our thoughts, our ways, our very understanding.
Amen.

Im on my way to enjoy a weekend with some sweet friends. If you read this...pray the Lord's guidance on our weekend. Pray He meets us all right where we need to be met. Pray for healing and laughter and tears and joy. Pray as the Lord leads....

love to you all on this beautiful rainy weekend,
erika

Closer to the moon...

Thanks to Pandora, I have been blessed with finding a few awesome Christian singers that I hadn't known about before. Alli Rogers is one of them. I have been SOOO blessed and refreshed by her lyrics. I want to try to get this song on my blog but don't know how to yet...look it up though. It's such a beautiful song. allirogers.com...there's a way to download free music but you have to pester 5 friends...

Closer to the Moon
Alli Rogers

Sydney says that nothing is “just” anything
she doesn’t like to use the word when she prays
I guess trusting is the hardest part of having faith
it’s dangerous to hope that things will be okay

well maybe fog and fear keep our eyes from seeing clear
I think Sydney could be right, she could be right
but if the stars that shine are in any way a sign
I think someone’s out there putting up a fight
someone’s right here holding us tonight

Frederick rarely hears the voice of God
he says the silence is the answer most of all
When the world has explanations for every miracle
how else would we have ears to hear him call?

It’s not a steady rain, it’s more a longing or a pain
It’s in the aching that he knows there’s something more
well I have never heard even a single spoken word
except the rhythm of a wave upon the shore
like watching dancers through a crack in the door

well my grandpa says commitment is the key to love
fifty years of sometimes twilight, sometimes dawn
he says there were the years he wasn’t sure about
but the love he chose was worth the pressing on

well I’m a river’s flow, some days I’m fast some days I’m slow
I think Grandpa could be right, he could be right
some days I fill the edges, then I’m shallow and pretentious
it all depends upon the rain I got that night
I should never base my faith upon my sight

I must decide where I am flowing, decide where I am going
so when I’m full of deep unknowing I’ll still see
when the silence gets accusing, when I’m winning or I’m losing
does assurance come from choosing to believe?

If the stars that shine are in any way a sign
I think someone’s out there putting up a fight
someone’s right here holding us tonight
someone must be shining down that moonlight

I am not alone.

I sat in church today and talked with God.

...I spilled my guts, actually. It wasn't very pretty either. It was self focused and juvenile. It was painful and it was real. It was confusing and refreshing and tantrum-esque.

And in the end of it, He spoke to me some profound words. After trying to flee, after sitting through the service and dwelling on...myself...the entire time. After attempting to surrender but only having 1/2 of me to give...the Lord fought for me and I could feel it. My flesh so desired to win. So desired to push away from the Lord. So desired to make me feel alone...

The Lord spoke to me....and they were the exact words that I needed to hear. Words of rebuke, exhortation and, above all, Love.

"You're only as alone as you let yourself be."

I was complaining to the Lord. I felt alone. I felt like no one understood me...I felt like...I felt...I. The bottom line was ME. I. Such a small use of written space..."I"...yet with such profound and painful attachments. I was pushing the Lord and He knew it and He also let me know it.

The idea of "self" was a masterful and dare I say witty device created by the enemy.

We were meant to fellowship--to commune with our Lord. We were created to enjoy His presence and created to be enjoyed by Him. We were created...by a God who loves us, who cherishes and protects us...who desires and calls out to be with us every >day.hour.minute.second< of our lives. So where does the "self" have any place to be in this beautiful world of dwelling with the Lord?

In my struggles and in the reality that I call "life", I have a choice. In my flesh and in mySelf, I will be alone. I will try to tell myself that I am fine, but I will still be alone. BUT, in the Lord and in the Fellowship of believers around me, I will be filled with Love. I will be overwhelmed with Love. I will have no room for Self as I seek to fill my heart with the Lord and those gifts that He has given me.

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2

"Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him." 1 John 3:1

I encourage any who read this to first come before the Lord and bring your SELF to Him. He so desires to commune with you. And seek His fellowship.

And...I'd love to be able to keep myself less focused on...myself.
You know how to pray for me now...
How can I pray for you?

Dancing, Rhythm, and ...life.

I went to a dance performance a few weeks ago and I may have already joked with you about some of the different performance moves I saw...but...let me tell you...these dancers were amazing. They did things with their bodies that I know takes discipline and strength and focus and diligence...many things that I lack in my life.

I keep thinking about the process that led to their performance, though, and wanted to share it...

Many months previous to this performance, they walked into a room and didn't expect to come out for hours. After, say, 5 hours of practice...they had about 5 minutes of a routine memorized that they were expected to remember the next time they walked into this room.

Repeat. Probably atleast 2...3....5 times a week for 2...3....5 more months. Think about all the time they spent memorizing their "roles"...in each of 20 (an estimate) dances...think of the bruises and tears and frustrations they had to endure through it all. Think of the excitement and joy and feeling of success when they finally "landed" that move...

I can't even begin to fathom the thoughts of each of the choreographers, either. The way they have to take a concept and add moves to it and set it to a song that will also portray the mood and feeling of whatever it is they want to get across to the audience. Then to see it in their minds and have to somehow explain it to 5 or 20 more people and work with them until it seems to look the way it was thought of...?

I, obviously, am not a dancer. I have never had to go through those hours of practice. I've never actually choreographed a dance (well...ok...i helped choreograph a DRIME once...) or performed in a dance show like this or...done what these dancer did.

But I do live a life choreographed by an Amazing Artist.

I wake up every morning and am asked to come to the practice room of my Lord. And, sometimes, I choose to go to practice and learn routines...I get into His word, I fellowship, I attend bible studies, I go to church, I sit and worship my Savior...knowing that the more I do it, the more discipline, understanding, wisdom, strength I will receive...and the easier it will be next time...and the greater the "performance" will be when the time comes.

And, also like those dancers, I've had the spiritual bruises and the tears. I've rejoiced and been excited over the times that I have overcome an obstacle or seen another overcome an obstacle. I've performed with multiple other "dancers" in my life...

The choreography is different every time. The dances all portray a different concept, thought, character...of the Choreographer. As believers, we are called to show up to practice and to be ready for those times He is calling us to be His wholly...to dance the dances that He teaches us...to allow for His concepts to be shown through our lives.

The dancers I watched that night put SO MUCH effort and SO MUCH time...heart...soul...into a performance that lasted 2 hours. I would imagine their practices were hours long for months before it and it took years and years of manipulating, strengthening, chastening, and challenging their body and mind to do the things that they sought to perform that night.

And their performance ended. And I couldnt tell you a single one of their names. And i couldn't tell you who any of the choreographers were...or what most of the dances meant.

And then I think about my life and how it so easily can resemble a performance like that. Only...I know that if I put in half as much effort and time and heart and soul in my performances and they did theirs...the performance that would result could be life changing. And people who see my dance will remember not my name but the Name of the One who showed me the moves...the One who is to be remembered.

As we dance through our life, may we seek to listen to the Choreographer and hear His concepts...His character...His themes. May we seek to dance in a way that truly and honestly depicts the One who showed us the moves. The One who performed it before us. The One who gave us every step and will assist us throughout it all.

May we seek to be in His practice room daily, that we may build enduring trust, strengthen the muscles of faith, gain the discipline needed...

...and in the end, our performance will only matter to an audience of One who is already our greatest Fan.

Who am i?

I am uniquely me. I like to rub my boots together when I'm walking just to hear the "swoosh swoosh" of them. I smile at my thoughts. Sometimes at night, I ask the Lord to speak to me in my dreams. I am a sister, a daughter, a secretary, a creative thinker, a crier, a laugher. I can't lie. Sometimes, I say things without thinking about the consequence of my words first. Most weeks, I don't shower daily. I don't sing well. I sing with abandon. Sometimes, I am scared of what I don't know. I feel differently than I think. Often, I smile and laugh and live in the moment. I don't like the dark. Sometimes, I do think too hard about the outfit I'm going to wear. I don't always know what I'm talking about. Often, I love others without a thought of reciprocation. I have a low pain tolerance. There are times I have looked in the mirror and now known the person looking back. Every day, I drink coffee. If you ask me how I'm doing, I will tell you. Sometimes, I cry and can't explain why. I have never liked to balance my checkbook. I love chocolate. I enjoy harmless jokes, but hate when I am the butt of them.

There are so many statements that make up "who I am."
There are so many answers to the question "tell me about yourself?"
But do any of these suffice?
Don't each of these statements help me to relate to someone else...
because that someone else is also...like me?

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
(I am searched by the Lord. I am known by the Lord.)

You know my sitting down and my rising up;
(I am seen by the Lord when I sit and when I rise)

You understand my thought afar off.
(I am understood by the Lord even before I understand myself)

You comprehend my path and my lying down,
(I am made to take the Lord's paths and rest in His knowledge)

And are acquainted with all my ways.
(I am never going to surprise Him)

For there is not a word on my tongue,

But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
(I am heard before I can hear)

You have hedged me behind and before,
(I am protected from my past and into my future)

And laid Your hand upon me.
(I am directed by His steady hand)
---

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

It is high, I cannot attain it.
Psalm 139:1-6

Every day, I talk with the Lord.
Every day, He holds me in His arms.
Every day, I can confidently say that I am my Beloved's and He is mine.

Every day, I am me. And what I am...is who God made me.

This is why I am unique. This is why the statements that I can make about myself pale when placed in comparison with the way the Lord loves me, sees me, knows me...

creates me.