And God said…

Sometimes, the Lord allows things in our lives to go wrong. I can’t say that He takes them from us, but He allows things to be taken. He has done this to me multiple times…and in those times,

I said to the Lord: “Why would you do this? Why would you put me through this?”

And God always said: “Trust me.”

Then, He asks for my heart. He asks us to allow Him to replace that taken thing. He asks for our attitude towards the situation to follow suit to our words of devotion to Him. I tell Him I will always love Him and then when He asks me to surrender the heart behind the “thing”…I hold and cling and grasp and don’t let go. And I tell Him:

“No, Lord. You’ve asked for too much. I can’t give you any more.”

And God says:  “Trust me.”

The moments in my life where the Lord allows Job-like sifting are often the moments where I so badly want to blame God for the pain and the hurt. It’s in those moments that I feel alone, open, humbled (in a there-is-my-pride-staring-me-in-the-face kind of way) and distant. I want to feel those things, but I know I cant.

It’s in those times where I say: “Lord, I can’t do this. Why would you even ask this of me?”

And God responds with: “Trust me.”

Trust is such a hard thing for someone who has grown up being told to expect the worst from people. Trust is not part of the vocabulary of the fearful. Trust is a scary 5 letter word that is more easily forgotten than exercised simply because it is not understood.

Trust is what the Lord asks of us when He tells us that He wants our everything. Even our hearts. Even our memories. He wants it all and we have to trust that when we hand it over…He is going to deal well with it.

You are my family and you know what the Lord has asked of me recently. You are my friends and you have seen me as I grasp at the Lord frantically throughout it all.

I am your sister, daughter, friend, and fellow Christian and I can tell you that The Lord WILL perfect that which concerns me.

…because I know that His mercies endure forever.

because I know that He will not forsake the work of His hands. (Psalm 138:8)

He who called me is faithful…who also will do it. (1 Thes 5:24)

It’s in these times that the Lord smiles and says

“Trust me.”

Becoming Real

http://www.incourage.me/2010/03/becoming-real.html

For the ladies in my life...I just want to thank you. I read this blog post (link above) and needed to share it. This one in particular resounded with me. I am thinking of so many women right now who have let me be real with them. Open up. Trust. Cry. Laugh.

Sandra: you will always be the one who is so sensitive to the Lord that I will never be able to hide what I am truly feeling: the Lord will use you to bring it out and lay it down.

Trista: you have a way of listening and caring that I hope I am able to portray to others around me. You feel so deeply and your interactions are so genuine.

Katie: the silent listener. Sometimes I think I have verbally puked on you one-too-many times. But even in the times when the communication hasn't been the greatest...I somehow knew you would always be there to listen.

Then there is Suzanne and Sarah Lush and Bethany and Robin and Tobi and Niki and Jinell and....as the list gets bigger, the more I realize how sweetly blessed I am to have women who LOVE the Lord in such a sweetly surrendered way that they are able to open their arms to a friend and sister and just hold on.

It overwhelms me just a little to truly sit and think of how much the Lord's love exudes from those around me. As it overflows from the Spirit within them, I can't help but be in the path of it's penetration. I can't resist the way the Lord chooses to love me through those around me who
...care.
...listen.
...hear.
...pray.
...love.

Sometimes words aren't enough. But, since words are what I have right now...thank you.

What I know…

There are moments when I sit and strive to think past what the Lord is showing me and understand it on some “higher” level.

In other words, sometimes I try to look past the sweetly quiet voice of my Lord: the One who encapsulates all wisdom, love, and understanding so that I can explain what I want to know in my own words and feel like I have succeeded something in my own strength.

What a crying shame that I, in my flesh, think that my words will be better than His.

The Lord tells us that His thoughts are higher than ours…the way that heaven is higher than the earth. Earth will NEVER be higher than heaven. It’s a common sense thought but…not necessarily one I am always willing to grasp. Because, if I admit that the earth will never be higher than the heavens, then I am admitting defeat.

Earth will never be heaven.

The heavens, by definition, speaks of a space above and surrounding the earth. Earth, by definition, speaks of a firmament that is encapsulated by the heavens.

Earth does not equal heaven. Heaven does not equal earth. Heaven and earth, by definition will never.be.the.same.thing.

Defeat.

My thoughts do not equal God’s thoughts. God’s ways will never equal my ways. My thoughts and ways will, by definition, never equal God’s thoughts and ways.

But God’s ways will always be better than my ways. God’s thoughts will always encapsulate this broke sinner and His ways will always be greater for me than the ways that I choose.

As I admit defeat, I am laying down my ways, my thoughts, my plans, my life…I am admitting that MY thoughts are NOT His thoughts, and praising Him for it. I am submitting to the truth that MY ways are NOT His ways, and praising Him for it.

Victory.

My voice…my thoughts…my ways…are quieted in the presence of His still small voice showing me that He knows the plans that He has for me. If only i could sit…quietly…enough to hear His thoughts. Lord, I so desperately want to hear Your thoughts…

“You will show me the path of life…” Psalm 16:11

Hold my hand, Lord, and guide me.

There are times when it is unnecessary to tell others my own thoughts. It is a sweet thing to see the Word come to life in a way that needs to other explanation. No other definition. No other translation except that which the Holy Spirit has already given.

Does He not see my ways, And count all my steps? (Job 31:4) For His eyes [are] on the ways of man, And He sees all his steps. (Job 34:21) Blessed [is] the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful; (Psa 1:1) You will show me the path of life; In Your presence [is] fullness of joy; At Your right hand [are] pleasures forevermore. (Psa 16:11) Uphold my steps in Your paths, [That] my footsteps may not slip. (Psa 17:5) You enlarged my path under me, So my feet did not slip. (Psa 18:36) Teach me Your way, O LORD, And lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies.(Psa 27:11) The steps of a [good] man are ordered by the LORD, And He delights in his way. (Psa 37:23) You will guide me with Your counsel, And afterward receive me [to] glory. (Psa 73:24) Make me walk in the path of Your commandments, For I delight in it. (Psa 119:35) Your word [is] a lamp to my feet And a light to my path. (Psa 119:105) Direct my steps by Your word, And let no iniquity have dominion over me. (Psa 119:133) You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways. (Psa 139:3) When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, Then You knew my path. In the way in which I walk They have secretly set a snare for me. (Psa 142:3) Then you will understand righteousness and justice, Equity [and] every good path. (Pro 2:9) When you walk, your steps will not be hindered, And when you run, you will not stumble. (Pro 4:12) But the path of the just [is] like the shining sun, That shines ever brighter unto the perfect day. (Pro 4:18) Ponder the path of your feet, And let all your ways be established. (Pro 4:26) The simple believes every word, But the prudent considers well his steps. (Pro 14:15) A man's heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps. (Pro 16:9) A man's steps [are] of the LORD; How then can a man understand his own way? (Pro 20:24) Hear, my son, and be wise; And guide your heart in the way. (Pro 23:19) They shall neither hunger nor thirst, Neither heat nor sun shall strike them; For He who has mercy on them will lead them, Even by the springs of water He will guide them. (Isa 49:10) The LORD will guide you continually, And satisfy your soul in drought, And strengthen your bones; You shall be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. (Isa 58:11) O LORD, I know the way of man [is] not in himself; [It is] not in man who walks to direct his own steps. (Jer 10:23) For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: (1Pe 2:21) To give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death, To guide our feet into the way of peace." (Luk 1:79) However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own [authority], but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come. (Jhn 16:13) **emphasis my own, all verses quoted from NKJV**

Lord, reign and rain down!

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,"
says the LORD.
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.
For as the rain comes down,
and the snow from heaven,
And do not return there,
But water the earth, And make it bring forth and bud,
That it may give seed to the sower
and bread to the eater,
so shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth;
It shall not return to Me void,
But it shall accomplish what I please,
And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.
For you shall go out with joy,
And be led out with peace;
The mountains and the hills Shall break forth
into singing before you,
And all the trees of the field shall clap their hands."
Isaiah 55:8-12

I am brought back to this verse each time it begins to rain again. It brings me such joy in the midst of a gloomy day. We may not understand the rainy seasons of our lives, but see what it brings forth! Bud and seed and bread! Beauty and a living and food!

Lord, let us see light in darkness.
Let us live bright in the dim times.
Let us rejoice when others tell us to mourn.
Let us look to you and regard you as higher than
our thoughts, our ways, our very understanding.
Amen.

Im on my way to enjoy a weekend with some sweet friends. If you read this...pray the Lord's guidance on our weekend. Pray He meets us all right where we need to be met. Pray for healing and laughter and tears and joy. Pray as the Lord leads....

love to you all on this beautiful rainy weekend,
erika

Closer to the moon...

Thanks to Pandora, I have been blessed with finding a few awesome Christian singers that I hadn't known about before. Alli Rogers is one of them. I have been SOOO blessed and refreshed by her lyrics. I want to try to get this song on my blog but don't know how to yet...look it up though. It's such a beautiful song. allirogers.com...there's a way to download free music but you have to pester 5 friends...

Closer to the Moon
Alli Rogers

Sydney says that nothing is “just” anything
she doesn’t like to use the word when she prays
I guess trusting is the hardest part of having faith
it’s dangerous to hope that things will be okay

well maybe fog and fear keep our eyes from seeing clear
I think Sydney could be right, she could be right
but if the stars that shine are in any way a sign
I think someone’s out there putting up a fight
someone’s right here holding us tonight

Frederick rarely hears the voice of God
he says the silence is the answer most of all
When the world has explanations for every miracle
how else would we have ears to hear him call?

It’s not a steady rain, it’s more a longing or a pain
It’s in the aching that he knows there’s something more
well I have never heard even a single spoken word
except the rhythm of a wave upon the shore
like watching dancers through a crack in the door

well my grandpa says commitment is the key to love
fifty years of sometimes twilight, sometimes dawn
he says there were the years he wasn’t sure about
but the love he chose was worth the pressing on

well I’m a river’s flow, some days I’m fast some days I’m slow
I think Grandpa could be right, he could be right
some days I fill the edges, then I’m shallow and pretentious
it all depends upon the rain I got that night
I should never base my faith upon my sight

I must decide where I am flowing, decide where I am going
so when I’m full of deep unknowing I’ll still see
when the silence gets accusing, when I’m winning or I’m losing
does assurance come from choosing to believe?

If the stars that shine are in any way a sign
I think someone’s out there putting up a fight
someone’s right here holding us tonight
someone must be shining down that moonlight

I am not alone.

I sat in church today and talked with God.

...I spilled my guts, actually. It wasn't very pretty either. It was self focused and juvenile. It was painful and it was real. It was confusing and refreshing and tantrum-esque.

And in the end of it, He spoke to me some profound words. After trying to flee, after sitting through the service and dwelling on...myself...the entire time. After attempting to surrender but only having 1/2 of me to give...the Lord fought for me and I could feel it. My flesh so desired to win. So desired to push away from the Lord. So desired to make me feel alone...

The Lord spoke to me....and they were the exact words that I needed to hear. Words of rebuke, exhortation and, above all, Love.

"You're only as alone as you let yourself be."

I was complaining to the Lord. I felt alone. I felt like no one understood me...I felt like...I felt...I. The bottom line was ME. I. Such a small use of written space..."I"...yet with such profound and painful attachments. I was pushing the Lord and He knew it and He also let me know it.

The idea of "self" was a masterful and dare I say witty device created by the enemy.

We were meant to fellowship--to commune with our Lord. We were created to enjoy His presence and created to be enjoyed by Him. We were created...by a God who loves us, who cherishes and protects us...who desires and calls out to be with us every >day.hour.minute.second< of our lives. So where does the "self" have any place to be in this beautiful world of dwelling with the Lord?

In my struggles and in the reality that I call "life", I have a choice. In my flesh and in mySelf, I will be alone. I will try to tell myself that I am fine, but I will still be alone. BUT, in the Lord and in the Fellowship of believers around me, I will be filled with Love. I will be overwhelmed with Love. I will have no room for Self as I seek to fill my heart with the Lord and those gifts that He has given me.

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2

"Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him." 1 John 3:1

I encourage any who read this to first come before the Lord and bring your SELF to Him. He so desires to commune with you. And seek His fellowship.

And...I'd love to be able to keep myself less focused on...myself.
You know how to pray for me now...
How can I pray for you?